Growing up in Dallas, I learned three things early on: you never underestimate Texas humidity, every great dinner party starts with the perfect playlist, and love—whether romantic, platonic, or self-inflicted—requires a whole lot of work. I saw it firsthand in my parents’ steadfast partnership, impressively maintained between courtroom theatrics and triple bypass surgeries. I saw it in classmates exchanging mixtapes (Google it, Gen-Z) like they were dowries. And most of all, I saw it within myself, fumbling through my early relationships with all the grace of a baby giraffe learning to walk.

With time, experience, and a few “Why did I text him back?!” moments, I’ve crafted some core beliefs about love and life that keep me grounded—when the Dallas wind and my emotions both threaten to knock me over. These principles aren’t written in stone tablets or scribbled on sticky notes à la Olivia Pope. Instead, they live in the choices I make, the stories I write, and, yes, the advice I dish out over text to friends navigating their third hinge date this week.

1. Love Isn’t Perfect, But It Should Be Honest
Let’s just agree: relationships (romantic or otherwise) are often messy, unpredictable, and occasionally resemble a plot twist from a soap opera. But here’s the thing: honesty—and I mean the whole gritty truth—is the glue that holds any connection together.

When I was 22 and testing the waters of “serious” relationships, I once told a boyfriend I loved kayaking because he loved kayaking. For reference, my two-syllable relationship with kayaking begins and ends with “no.” But in my ill-fated attempt to build common ground, I was willing to paddle the lie. Spoiler alert: we eventually broke up—though not before I nearly capsized on Lady Bird Lake.

The lesson? Pretending to be someone you’re not will always sink the ship (or in my case, the rental kayak). Authenticity, even when flawed, is infinitely more attractive than perfection wrapped in pretense. Vulnerability—whether it’s admitting your guilty pleasure is watching reruns of Parks and Recreation or acknowledging fears about where a relationship is heading—is a risk worth taking.

Takeaway Tip:
Ask yourself: Are you bringing your whole self into your relationships, or are you leaving parts of you—big or small—at the door? Monitor how it feels to share a little more of your truth each time. You’ll probably find (like I did) that people will meet your vulnerability with their own.

2. Growth Trumps the Fairytale Ending
I hate to break this to the Disney dreamers in the back, but not every relationship is meant to end with fireworks over a Magic Kingdom castle. Sometimes, love is there to teach you a lesson, nudge you toward growth, or help you heal a piece of yourself you didn’t even realize was broken. I’ve had relationships that came with hard conversations about setting boundaries, others that showed me why I needed to stop playing “fix-it therapist” in my romantic life, and still others that... well... just solidified my dislike for kayaking.

Every connection serves a purpose, even when it ends. And endings? They don’t mean you’ve failed—they mean you’re evolving.

In my early 30s, when I ended a four-year relationship because I realized we wanted completely different futures, I wasn’t full of regret. Instead, I was grateful for the time we’d spent together—the lessons we’d learned and the memories we’d made. Sure, I ugly-cried during the breakup talk (and for a week afterward), but walking away with clarity was better than staying in a relationship I’d outgrown.

Takeaway Tip:
Instead of focusing on whether a relationship is “the one,” ask yourself if it’s helping you be the best version of yourself. If the answer is no, it’s okay to walk away. Growth often happens in the hardest moments.

3. Self-Love Is the OG Power Move
Between my parents’ high expectations and the pressure cooker that was private school in Dallas, I grew up as a perfectionist. While this might’ve led to impressive report cards and resume items, it also meant I spent my 20s tying my worth to external validation. But in my personal life, this approach was about as effective as using a strainer to carry water. Relationships, I’d soon learn, are a reflection of how you treat yourself.

One of the most transformative things I’ve done—both for love and life—is to start showing myself the kind of grace I’d offer a friend. That means celebrating wins (even the small ones, like waiting a full five minutes before devouring the fries on a date), forgiving mistakes, and learning to like my own company. Because honestly? No partner, no situation, and no fairytale meet-cute will ever fill the void you can only heal yourself.

For me, this looked like finally letting fun take the wheel: solo museum dates in D.C., messy attempts at French macarons, and reading novels just because my soul needed joy. The freedom that self-love brings isn’t just empowering—it’s positively magnetic.

Takeaway Tip:
Invest time in a solo activity that brings you joy—whether it’s journaling, painting, or pretending you’re Rihanna at home in the mirror. You’ll be surprised by how much self-esteem that builds—and how much more confidently you’ll show up in relationships.

4. Connection Thrives in Curiosity
You know that moment when a conversation loses its spark, and suddenly you’re both staring at your phones like an unhappy couple in an iPhone commercial? Yeah. That’s when curiosity (and let’s be real—a little effort) can be a game-changer.

As a writer, I know the power of a good question. It’s not about probing someone’s soul on date one (“Tell me about your childhood trauma”). Instead, it’s about expressing genuine interest in what makes someone tick. What’s an album that changed their life? If they could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? I’ve learned that asking the right questions not only deepens your connections but helps you dodge the conversational equivalent of white noise at dinner.

And being curious isn’t just about the other person—it’s also about the world around you. Growing up in my family didn’t just teach me to ask questions—it challenged me to act on my curiosity. As adults, we forget that relationships are more dynamic when we bring new stories, perspectives, and experiences home to share. Whether it’s trying a salsa class or debating whether Beyoncé or Solange is Houston’s MVP (spoiler: it’s Beyoncé—but barely!), having interests outside your relationships fuels them in unexpected ways.

Takeaway Tip:
The next time you’re stuck in neutral, steer with curiosity. Try swapping Netflix for an interactive date or asking something you genuinely want to know. Bonus points if it leads to a spirited Beyoncé vs. Whitney Houston debate.

5. Humor Is the Secret Sauce
Look, life is messy—and love’s no exception. But nothing lightens the weight of miscommunications, awkward moments, and bad first dates quite like laughter. I’ll never forget the time I spilled an entire margarita on a date before the server even left the table. Instead of succumbing to mortification, I laughed so hard my ribs hurt—and so did my date (eventually). Years later, we both still reference “Margarita-Gate.”

Shared laughter is the sneaky superpower of relationships. It builds intimacy one belly laugh at a time and turns potential deal-breakers into shared anecdotes. As we say here in Texas: “When in crisis, crack a joke—preferably one better than your dad’s rodeo puns.”

Takeaway Tip:
Start seeing humor as a way to disarm tension or connect deeper, not as a distraction. Learn to laugh at yourself, and you’ll find more joy in both love and life.

In the end? Everything I stand for boils down to this: Relationships—whether with others or ourselves—are the real work of a lifetime. They’re messy and beautiful and full of lessons you don’t realize you’ve learned until long after. And while I might not have all the answers, I know this: with honesty, curiosity, self-love, and a good sense of humor, you’ll navigate the twists of love with a little more grace, a lot more joy, and plenty of stories worth telling.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Beyoncé playlist to curate and a kayak-free evening to enjoy.