Curiosity has always been my worst-kept secret. Blame it on growing up in a holler in West Virginia, where the mountains were both boundaries and invitations. I’d spend hours wandering over trails that weren’t really trails, wondering what was hidden around the next rise—an abandoned coal cart? A blackberry patch? Maybe even another kid who liked to collect arrowheads, like me. It was the kind of curiosity that came naturally in the hills, but it’s one I’ve carried everywhere since. Oddly enough, it’s this same curiosity that’s gotten me into more adventures (and misadventures) in love and life than I can count.

See, curiosity isn’t just about nosing around the woods or deciding to take the long way home. It’s about choosing to see every interaction as a chance to peel back the layers of experience, to ask, “What if?” And when it comes to relationships, that very question can lead to places you never thought you’d find yourself—sometimes sweet, sometimes messy, but always worthwhile.

Let’s talk about how leaning into being curious can open up not just your relationships but your entire world.

The Unexpected Charm of Asking "Why?"

A few years back, I was seated across from a woman at a hole-in-the-wall diner in small-town Maine. She had ordered a lobster roll and spent ten minutes delicately picking onions out of the coleslaw. You’d think I’d be fixated on her. After all, it was our first date. But nope—I was staring at the lobster roll.

I never understood the hype around lobster rolls. Growing up, our seafood came from a can, suspiciously labeled "product of the sea." But here I was, wondering, Why do people obsess over this squishy sandwich? She saw me staring and laughed. “You’ve never tried one, have you?”

Now, the "cool" thing to say would've been, “Of course I have.” But when your roots involve being forced to taste-test squirrel stew, you learn lying is a poor survival skill. So I admitted it. She shoved the plate toward me, challenging me to take a bite. Lo and behold, it was incredible. Funky, buttery, sweet—but that’s beside the point. Sharing her favorite meal broke the ice in a way that talking about hobbies never could. My dumb curiosity about her favorite food turned into this micro-sized adventure, bonding us over something as simple as a sandwich.

By the way, we didn’t work out romantically. But I still eat lobster rolls now like I grew up on the coast, and I think about her every time I do.

Moral of the story? Ask questions. Be curious. Do the thing that makes you squirm with discomfort, even if it’s as small as eating something new or admitting you don’t know squat about shellfish. Curiosity takes the focus off your insecurities and places it on discovery—and that’s something everyone can appreciate.

When Curiosity Starts Conversations That Matter

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned through relationships—and I’ve had a few, I’ll admit—is that people are far more fascinating than they let on at first glance. Scratch the surface, and even the quietest, most unassuming folks turn out to have a storehouse of cool stories and quirks. But tapping into those layers requires curiosity, and, most importantly, the courage to ask better questions.

Gone are the days of sticking to conversation staples like, “So, what do you do for fun?” (Pro tip: This often leads to a monologue about Netflix, which we’ve all heard already.) Once, I went on a second date with someone, and instead of playing 20 Questions Lite, I asked, “What’s the dumbest way you’ve ever injured yourself?”

I’ll never forget what followed. She told me about accidentally stabbing herself with sewing scissors as she attempted DIY curtains. (It was as bloody as it sounds.) If she hadn’t told me that story, I might’ve missed her sarcastic sense of humor and the subtle pride she took in tackling projects, even when they went south. It set the tone for meaningful conversations later, about everything from broken sewing machines to broken hearts.

So here’s a free piece of advice: Most people light up when you care enough to dig beyond the surface. Ask questions that make them pause, laugh, or reflect. And don’t just wait for your turn to speak—turn off “performer mode” and become an archaeologist of connection.

Some ideas:
- “What ridiculous thing did you believe as a kid?”
- “If you could relive one day, what would it be?”
- “What movie quote lives rent-free in your head?”

Trust me, genuine curiosity doesn’t just make a good impression—it leaves people feeling seen.

Embrace the Offbeat Paths

Now, lest you think curiosity is always rosy, let me tell you about the time I attempted contra dancing in a church basement because I was curious about “non-cliché date ideas.” Look, I went in thinking we’d be gliding gracefully, like something out of a Jane Austen ballroom scene. Turns out, contra dancing is less “Pride and Prejudice” and more “musical bumper cars with strangers.”

Somewhere between being yanked off balance by a retired schoolteacher who twirled me like I was in a tornado scene and stomping squarely on my date's brand-new boots, I realized two things: 1) I have zero coordination, and 2) this is what happens when curiosity steers the wheel.

Here’s the thing, though: That night ended up being unforgettable—not because it went smoothly, but because it didn’t. My date and I were red-faced and achy by the final reel, but we bonded over shared embarrassment and hysterical laughter. (Side note: Try contra, but wear sturdy shoes.)

Curiosity pushes you to try unpolished, unpredictable things. Sure, those things might feel messy in the moment, but they give you something memorable to hold onto—whether it’s a funny story, a revelation about yourself, or a chance to see your partner in a new light. You’ll never know until you say yes.

Why Curiosity Makes Long-Term Love Last

I’ll wrap this up with a confession: I used to think “being interesting” was the secret ingredient to a relationship. That’s what the magazines always said, right? Be mysterious. Be intriguing. But mystery fades. Interests change. And what you’re left with—whether you’ve been dating for three months or married for 30 years—is the choice to keep asking questions.

My parents figured this out long before I did. After three decades together, my dad—a man of few words—still surprises my mom with little thoughts and questions. “What would you do with the backyard if we won the lottery?” “Do you think deer come closer to the house when I listen to banjo music?” (This second one is very on-brand for him, trust me.)

It’s the curiosity that keeps them connected. When you stay curious about the person you’re with—about how they think, what they dream about, and how they’ve changed—you keep rediscovering them, over and over again.

Final Thoughts

Curiosity isn’t reserved for kids or first dates, nor is it about being nosy or having all the answers. It’s about staying open, seeing the world (and your relationships) as this endlessly unfolding story. Sure, it might lead you to awkward situations, like tripping over your feet in a church basement or choking on your first lobster roll. But it might also lead to a shared laugh, a tender memory, or a deeper connection.

So, go ahead—ask the questions. Try the new thing. Peel back the layers. Because when you let curiosity lead, life gets a whole lot richer. And who knows? You might just surprise yourself along the way.