The Things Nobody Tells You (Until It’s Too Late)

We’ve all been there: staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., reliving an awkward conversation or the aftermath of a not-so-great decision, whispering to ourselves, I wish someone had warned me. I’ve lost sleep over my fair share of these moments—some romantic misfires, others the kind of life lessons that only seem clear once they’ve smacked you upside the head. Looking back now, I like to think I’ve accumulated some wisdom worth sharing. Or at least, some stories that’ll make you feel slightly (or significantly) less alone.

Here’s the thing: finding your way through the winding roads of relationships, self-discovery, and those mysterious forks labeled “Heartache” and “Hope” is messy. But it doesn’t have to be done completely in the dark. So, here are a few lessons I’ve learned the hard (and sometimes hilarious) way, yours for the taking.

1. Stop Trying to Write the Whole Story on the First Page

One of my biggest pitfalls in the early days of relationships: the belief that every flirtation would lead to the sweeping Southern Gothic romance of my dreams. Picture this: me, gazing across a candlelit restaurant, already rehearsing what I would say in our wedding vows, despite the fact that my date couldn’t name a single Dolly Parton song.

Spoiler: It didn’t end in "I do." And thank goodness for that.

Here’s the reality: When you meet someone, try to embrace the now instead of fast-forwarding to the grand finale. You don’t need to decide on happily-ever-after when you’re still figuring out their stance on pineapple pizza or whether they text with complete sentences (a green flag you should cherish, by the way).

Trust that the beginning is enough. It’s like writing a song—start with a verse, and let the melody reveal itself over time.

2. The Hardest Conversations Are Usually the Most Necessary

I’m not proud to admit how many tough discussions I’ve tried to lock in the closet, hoping they’d sort themselves out. Newsflash: They never do. They just transform into awkward dinner silences or passive-aggressive comments that even the houseplants start judging you for.

There was the time I avoided telling someone I felt undervalued in our relationship until one fateful evening when I burst into tears over lukewarm queso. (Yes, really. The queso wasn’t even that bad.) Lesson learned: Unexpressed feelings will find a way to bubble up, and it’s almost always messier when they do.

Hard conversations don’t have to feel like confrontations. Think of them as bridge-building moments, even if the process feels wobbly at first. And for the love of all that is holy in this world, practice before queso night.

3. Your Gut Is Smarter Than You Give It Credit For

The number of disasters I could’ve avoided if I’d simply listened to that small, whispery voice in my head saying, This feels off, is staggering. Like the time I went to a party (against my better judgment) and ended up karaoke-ing “Jolene” in front of an ex and their very new partner. Spoiler: Not one of my finer moments.

Your intuition isn’t some mystical nonsense—it’s your inner songwriter, mastering the art of noticing when something is out of tune. You might not be able to explain exactly why, but if a situation feels wrong, it’s worth paying attention. Sometimes your gut will save you from heartbreak; other times it’ll just save you from karaoke that should never see the light of day.

4. Flaws Aren’t Deal Breakers—but Disrespect Is

I once broke up with someone because they couldn’t clap on beat at concerts. If you’re cringing, I am too. But while the heart wants what it wants, sometimes it’s just—well—immature.

Kindness trumps quirks, always. Someone who’s patient when you’re stressed, who laughs at your worst jokes, who genuinely wants to understand your dreams (even the wild ones that involve opening a dog-friendly honky-tonk)—these are the things that matter more than any surface-level habit ever could.

On the flip side, there are non-negotiables. If someone dismisses your feelings, treats others poorly, or lacks basic empathy, don’t stick around waiting for them to improve. You deserve better than a duet partner who’s tone-deaf to respect.

5. Be the Person You’re Looking For

The most glaring (and humbling) lesson: Before you chase love, you’ve got to love yourself enough to show up fully. Back in my early twenties, I was so laser-focused on what I wanted in a partner—their charm, their drive, their ability to quote obscure Tom Hanks movies—that I didn’t stop to ask: Am I embodying those same qualities?

Spoiler: I wasn’t.

Instead of fixating on finding “The One,” focus on becoming the version of yourself that you’re most proud of. Invest in your passions. Set boundaries. Learn how to sit with your emotions instead of numbing them. Build a great life on your own, and trust me, the people worth knowing will show up—drawn not to what you lack, but to who you already are.

6. Rejection Is Redirection

I know, I know—this one feels cliché. But let me tell you about the time I was ghosted after thinking someone might be “the real deal.” It wasn’t just the silence that gutted me; it was the assumptions I made about my worth because of it. Between Sonic slushie-fueled cries in the car and a steady loop of Patsy Cline’s Crazy, I finally realized: rejection always says more about the other person’s journey than it does about your value.

Some people simply aren’t meant to walk alongside you. It’s not a reflection of what you deserve—it’s life nudging you onto a path that aligns better with who (and where) you’re meant to be.

7. Celebrate the Almosts

There’s a beauty in the connections that don’t lead to epic love stories. Think of the person who taught you to savor springtime sunsets, or the fleeting fling that inspired your best playlist to date. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. But that doesn’t mean they failed.

The “almosts” give us glimpses of what matters, what doesn’t, and what we’re capable of offering someone else—and ourselves. When you look through that lens, every experience feels worth celebrating.

Closing Notes from Nashville

As someone whose life is equal parts joy and twang, I know that love—and all its messy, healing glory—is a lot like country music. There’s heartache, redemption, and a whole lot of stories worth singing about (even the cringe-worthy ones).

No one gets it perfect, least of all me. But if there’s one thing I can promise, it’s this: Every mistake, misstep, and moment of confusion is shaping you into someone who knows what real love looks like.

Go easy on yourself. Show up with full honesty. And when in doubt, take a deep breath, grab an extra-large Sonic slushie, and let life teach you its lyrics one day at a time.