They say the things you can't live without define you. My list? It’s somewhere between a utilitarian checklist and the contents of a rom-com protagonist’s knapsack. Some items are as essential to my sanity as coffee on a Monday, while others are frankly absurd but make life better. Let’s dive into my non-negotiables—the tangible and intangible lifelines that keep me moving, smiling, and occasionally crying happy tears.
1. Morning Coffee (AKA Nature’s Love Language)
Some people meditate; I stare wistfully into a mug of French press coffee like it holds the meaning of life. Growing up by the shimmering waters of Lake Coeur d’Alene, I learned two things about mornings: they’re better when they start slow, and they’re even better with a beverage that hugs your soul.
Coffee isn’t just a drink—it’s ritual, romance, and reliable companionship all rolled into one. Whether I’m scribbling story notes at dawn or sitting on the porch watching ducks argue over breadcrumbs, it’s my constant. Bonus points for pairing it with a stack of fluffy pancakes on a foggy morning. And, if a potential romance partner doesn’t understand why I need approximately eight minutes of silence before my first sip, it’s probably not going to work out.
2. A Well-Worn Denim Jacket (Because Every Story Needs a Uniform)
If rom-com tropes have taught us anything, everyone needs a signature item. For me, it’s my denim jacket—the one that’s faded perfectly, patched a little crookedly, and smells vaguely like campfires. It’s been through late-night stargazing sessions, road trips that involved getting lost on purpose, and first date picnics where we awkwardly picked twigs out of our hair after sitting too close to the trees.
Is it magical? Possibly. You’d be surprised how much confidence a good jacket can grant you. It’s like armor, only softer and way cooler. When I throw it on, I’m ready for anything, even if “anything” is just braving the frozen foods section and hoping no one sees how many veggie burritos I eat in a week.
3. Nature (The Ultimate Relationship Coach)
Let me tell you something science doesn’t always mention: hiking solves approximately 85% of life’s problems. Feeling overworked? Go for a walk. Arguing with someone? Take a hike—literally, not figuratively (but hey, you do you). Nature clears the clutter.
Growing up in Idaho, I had the luxury of wide-open spaces, towering pines, and a lake so pristine it could’ve been plucked from a Renaissance painting. Whenever I’m feeling lost—personally or romantically—I hit the trails. There’s nothing like being surrounded by oak trees to remind you that time moves slower than we think. It’s also the perfect metaphor for relationships: solid roots, room to grow, and respect for whatever season you’re in.
4. A Notepad (Because I Overthink, and I Write About It)
Confession: I keep several notepads around, each for a different purpose. One for my daily to-do lists, another for fleeting story ideas, and yet another for thoughts I’m too embarrassed to say out loud but need to get out anyway. (Does everyone analyze their partner’s texts with the meticulousness of a crime scene investigator? No? Fair.)
Writing things down is therapy, plain and simple. When I was younger, I’d jot down the names of tourists staying at our family’s lakeside resort, invent imaginary backstories for them, and then daydream about their adventures. Now I do the same thing, except with more real-life stakes. A notebook is where I untangle the tangled. And if I ever meet someone who doesn’t roll their eyes at my habit of jotting things down mid-conversation? Well, they’re probably worth a second date.
5. A Trusty Pair of Hiking Boots (Made for More Than Just Walking)
Speaking of nature, I wouldn’t survive without my hiking boots. They’re my passport to freedom, escape, and, yes, sometimes ridiculous conversations about whether bears are secretly judging my trail mix selection. Those boots have seen me through alpine meadows, muddy switchbacks, and one humiliating moment when I slipped on wet moss in front of someone I was (unsuccessfully) trying to impress.
Hiking boots offer more than just traction—they’re a reminder of resilience. When you’re miles from any cell signal, gulping down fresh air, you remember that life isn’t about stress-loading your weekly planner. It’s about the small stuff: conquering uphill climbs, noticing sunbeams filtering through trees, and maybe even sharing a granola bar with someone who deserves to see your post-hike helmet hair.
6. My Playlist (A Soundtrack for Every Situation)
Life is better with the right soundtrack. My playlist is a mess of Pacific Northwest indie folk (shoutout to The Decemberists, my eternal road-trip companions), a little Bon Iver for those reflective lake days, and the occasional guilty-pleasure pop anthem.
Music has this sneaky way of capturing emotions we can’t put into words (though let’s be honest, I’ll try anyway). A first kiss? Cue the mellow guitar strings. A breakup? Something melancholy but not too on the nose—we’re looking at you, Adele. And when I just need to shake off the stress, driving with my windows down while Florence + The Machine belts poetry into the air is practically a religious experience.
7. My People (Friends as the Cornerstones of Life)
Whether it’s my childhood bestie who isn’t afraid to remind me when I’m being ridiculous, or my sister who can decipher my mood based purely on the way I answer a text, my people ground me. Relationships—romantic or not—are messy, funny, and frequently unpredictable, but they’re what make life rich.
One of my favorite traditions is hosting unplugged dinners by the lake, where we share questionable recipes, laugh at each other’s dating attempts, and end the night with a bottle of local wine in front of a roaring campfire. Love comes in many forms, but true friendship? That’s the kind worth holding onto, always.
8. A Quiet Moment (As in, Don’t Underestimate Silence)
Look, I adore a spirited game night or a long conversation as much as the next person, but nothing recharges me like a quiet pause. Whether it’s a sunrise canoe ride or just five uninterrupted minutes looking out the window, silence is sacred. It’s where clarity lives.
Dating tip: Find someone who understands the magic of shared silence. The kind where no one feels pressure to fill the air. I once spent an entire afternoon painting driftwood with a partner, neither of us talking except to comment on how bad we were at mixing colors. It wasn’t awkward; it was peace. That’s the stuff real connection is built on.
9. Pasta (Because Every Love Story Needs Comfort Food)
Is it dramatic to say pasta is a love language? Maybe, but tell that to my truffle-oil mac and cheese. Growing up in a family that hosted hundreds of tourists a year, meals were always about bringing people together. Food has this magical way of softening heartaches, sparking conversations, and proving that carbs are the unsung heroes of modern romance.
Comfort food isn’t just about eating—it’s about creating space for warmth and vulnerability, whether you’re making a simple spaghetti dinner with a date or showing someone you care by remembering their go-to sauce preference. (Because nothing says “I’m into you” like pesto solidarity.)
10. A Sense of Humor (For When Life Inevitably Gets Weird)
Listen, the worst-kept secret about adulthood is that no one knows what they’re doing. You’re bound to mess up—whether it’s sending a cringe-worthy text or realizing you’ve been pronouncing “charcuterie” wrong for years (it’s me; I’m the problem). A sense of humor lets you laugh through the awkwardness and keep going.
I mean, half my favorite dates involve accidental disasters—like that time I brought charred marshmallows to a picnic (classic overachiever move) and got teased mercilessly for it—but they’re also some of my most cherished memories. Laughter turns “oops” moments into bonding ones, and that’s worth savoring.
At the Heart of It: Connection
The things I can’t live without aren’t really “things.” They’re connections—to nature, to people, to moments that remind me why life is worth showing up for. So make your list. Celebrate your essentials. And if you ever find someone who’s willing to share a bite of their mac and cheese? Hold on tight, because that’s rare.
