There’s a fine-tuned list of things you don’t know you need in life until you really stop to think about them. I’m not talking about food, water, or a sturdy roof over your head (though I’d argue the last one is optional if you’ve ever camped under the stars in the Rockies). No, I’m talking about those small, almost-ridiculous essentials that make your daily grind brighter, your relationships deeper, and—every once in a while—spark a memory so vivid it pulls you right out of a bad day. Call them life’s secret ingredients.
Curious? Good. Let’s dive in.
1. My Old Leather Journal (a.k.a. My Therapist Who Lives in a Drawer)
I’ve been carrying a journal around since I was twelve—a habit born out of long days on horseback when “venting” meant talking to scenery. (For the record, ponderosa pines are outstanding listeners.) These days, it's less about documenting which trail gave me saddle sores and more about sorting out adult-level chaos—like deciphering what that cryptic text meant or weighing whether it’s time to get serious with the person who won’t stop sharing their Spotify playlists.
Journaling offers clarity faster than any extended overthinking session ever will. Every page reminds me to get out of my own way, whether it’s scribbling down a killer idea for a story or processing the awkwardness of accidentally hugging someone at a first date coffee shop goodbye.
Pro-Tip to Steal: You don’t have to be “good” at journaling. Forget proper spelling or complete sentences. A journal is whatever you need it to be—messy, sarcastic, heartfelt, or a combination of all three. It’s the most judgment-free space you’ll ever find, and we all need more of that, don’t we?
2. A Sturdy Pair of Hiking Boots (or, Saving Relationships One Trail at a Time)
When I tell people I spend half my spare time hiking, they assume it’s all soul-searching and breathtaking vistas—and sure, that’s part of it. But no one talks about how hiking makes you a better partner. Want to test compatibility? Walk five miles uphill together in total silence after someone missed the trail marker.
Good boots save you in more ways than one. Not only do they keep your ankles from folding like a bad love letter, but they also serve as a metaphor for preparedness. Life throws unexpected curves, and whether it’s a sudden change of plans or an inconvenient blister, the right gear ensures you don’t crumble at the first sign of trouble. It’s a lesson that translates far beyond the trail.
Practical Translation: Every relationship—whether with a new crush, your best friend, or even yourself—needs preparation and flexibility. Sturdy boots just help when communicating turns into stumbling through rocky terrain.
3. Coffee Strong Enough to Make Me Think in Complete Sentences
This probably sounds obvious, but hear me out—coffee isn’t just about caffeine. It’s about the ritual. The consistent, grounding presence of that first cup in the morning reminds me to approach life with intentionality. Dating, friendships, and even maintaining a sense of humor about your third failed attempt at sourdough all boil down to finding moments of grace in chaos.
And yes, I’m fiercely loyal to the cheap mug my niece made for me, complete with a lopsided cowboy boot she insists is “abstract art.” Relationships bloom over small traditions like these—whether it’s a weekly coffee date or one of you always making the first move to apologize when things get tense.
Hot Take to Brew On: Find your own “coffee ritual.” Maybe it’s tea. Maybe it’s a playlist you slow-dance to in the kitchen with someone you love. Make that time sacred and undistracted—watch how it starts anchoring you to everything good in your life.
4. A Willie Nelson Playlist (Because Good Songs Solve Almost Everything)
Nothing fuels a road trip or a quiet night on the porch like the right soundtrack. For me, it’s usually Willie Nelson crooning about blue skies or getting back on the road again. Something about his voice reminds you not to take it all so seriously—relationships included. If the rhythm of love feels slightly offbeat, lean into the music, and realize it doesn't have to be perfect to be good.
I learned this the hard way, sitting in awkward silence after a date told me they'd “never really listened to country music” while I desperately tried to match their questionable taste in techno. Lesson learned: Share your tunes early on. If they vibe with your vibe? Keep learning each other’s lyrics. If not, don’t force them to dance to your drum.
Note-Worthy Tip: Whether you’re piecing yourself back together after a breakup or two-stepping into something new, music makes the ride worth it. Keep a playlist that feels like home—one that reminds you that there’s always someone out there who knows just how to strike the right chord.
5. Pancake Saturdays (Don’t Worry, It’s About More Than Syrup)
Growing up, Sundays meant church or ranch work, but Saturdays meant pancakes. My folks would whip out the cast iron skillet, and we’d sit down to the kind of buttery, syrupy feast that felt like a hug disguised as breakfast. All these years later, Pancake Saturdays remain non-negotiable. Whether I’m by myself flipping Kodiak cakes (because protein) or filling a table with friends and mismatched toppings, it’s my way of bringing comfort to the chaos of life.
Somewhere along the way, I learned pancakes also work as date magic. Cooking with someone—a broken batter whisk, spilled flour, improvised toppings—teaches you a lot about how you handle life together. Laughter always wins on Pancake Saturdays, as do chocolate chips.
Sweet Reminder to Flip Over: Never underestimate the power of small, silly traditions in relationships. Pancakes, pizza nights, karaoke battles—whatever it is, make it yours. It doesn’t have to be Instagram-worthy, just meaningful enough that it feels like “you.”
6. Fresh Air, Period.
Maybe this one’s a dead giveaway since I grew up in Colorado with mountains for neighbors, but I’d argue that fresh air is as essential to relationships as it is to survival. Whether you’re taking a much-needed solo walk to clear your head after misreading someone’s text tone (we’ve all been there) or enjoying a picnic date so picturesque it could double as a Hallmark plot, simply stepping outside can change everything.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that conversations have a way of opening up when you aren’t surrounded by walls—literal or emotional. A tough conversation feels less suffocating under an open sky, and good memories taste sweeter when they smell like pine.
Trail Tip: Keep some sort of outdoor ritual in your back pocket. It doesn’t need to be strenuous or Instagram-worthy—it just needs to get you grounding yourself, reconnecting with who you are and who you’re with. Or, worst-case scenario, it gives you time to figure out if the awkward hug was really that bad.
7. Patience (And, When All Else Fails, a Backup Plan)
Finally, the one thing I absolutely can’t live without: patience. Not only because I accidentally inherited my mom’s stubborn streak but because patience is the unsung hero of meaningful connections. In dating, in friendships, and even in figuring out who you are—and trust me, I’m still figuring that part out—patience reminds us that slow doesn’t mean stagnant. Love, pancakes, and good boots all take time to get right.
Of course, even the best of us fall short, which is why every cowboy worth their salt has a backup plan. Lost keys? Always keep extras. Date that’s going off the rails? Know an escape route—or at least a good brewery as a last-ditch save. Life is unpredictable, and patience works best when partnered with humor, flexibility, and the occasional playlist.
The TL;DR? Whether it’s a journal overflowing with thoughts, boots caked in dirt, or pancakes flipped with the wrong spatula, the things I can’t live without are really just tools for making life richer. They’ve carried me through missteps on trails, dating misfires, and the kind of detours that end up being better than the planned routes.
You don’t need all of these things to thrive, but here’s hoping you’ve got something—someone, even—that feels as vital to you as my next cup of coffee. Because at the end of the day, life’s just better with the right essentials packed along for the journey.
