Finding My Compass: How Core Convictions Shape Everything We Do
Have you ever tried assembling IKEA furniture without instructions, convinced “it can’t be that hard,” only to end up with a lopsided chair and six extra screws? That’s kind of how life feels when you don’t have a clear sense of your own values. Trust me, I’ve been there—figuratively and literally. (The chair still wobbles, by the way.) But these moments taught me to embrace my North Star. When it comes to how I live, love, and write, everything I do comes back to a handful of core beliefs. They are my instruction manual—minus the confusing diagrams.
Let me take you on a behind-the-scenes tour of what I stand for and how those principles influence my approach to life and relationships. Think of it as peeling back the curtain, except instead of Oz, you’ll find a girl from Boise armed with caffeine, a slightly sarcastic sense of humor, and a belief that love—both of others and of self—is worth the effort.
Authenticity: The Whole Potato, Not Just the Peel
Growing up in Idaho, authenticity isn’t optional; it’s the default. I spent my childhood watching people wear their lives on their sleeves—farmers tilling fields under sunsets you can’t Photoshop and brewers swirling hops like it’s both science and art. There’s no pretending in a place like that. Your hands are either in the dirt, or they’re not.
Authenticity, to me, is showing up fully—whether that’s in a relationship, a conversation, or even an article like this. It’s the courage to text back what you actually mean (“I like you, let’s grab coffee”) instead of what makes you sound cool. It’s saying, “I’m struggling” when you are, and making space for others to do the same.
But authenticity is also messy. Like that time I went on a first date and admitted within an hour that I sometimes Google “how to feel less socially awkward” before parties. Spoiler: there wasn’t a second date, but there were zero regrets. Being real is hard work—not everyone will vibe with your unfiltered self, and that’s okay. When we fake it, we rob ourselves of real connection. I’d rather risk a little awkwardness than play pretend.
Humor: The Super Glue of Human Connection
I firmly believe a shared sense of humor is one of the strongest forms of intimacy. My grandmother used to say, “If you can laugh while peeling potatoes, you’ll be fine no matter what’s for dinner”—and she meant it. Humor won’t solve all your problems (though it helps if you’re assembling IKEA furniture), but it will get you through the tough times.
When my high school boyfriend and I broke up three days before prom, I did what any romantic teen would do: I drowned my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s alongside my best friends, laughing until our stomachs hurt. In the end, we weren’t laughing at the breakup itself. We were laughing because the outfit I’d planned for “revenge prom” looked more like I was auditioning for Clueless: The Musical. That laughter reminded me it wasn’t the end of the world—just the end of that particular chapter.
Humor has been my crutch, my armor, and my bridge in relationships. It’s a reminder not to take ourselves too seriously. Because when you can laugh about something—even the hard stuff—you shrink its power over you.
Leap, Even If You Fall (Spoiler Alert: You Will)
Boise may be a small city, but boy, does it teach you how to dream. I watched my parents build a brewery from scratch, experimenting with recipes that didn’t always pan out but tasted better every time they tried. So, for me, the idea that failure is a dead end instead of a plot twist has never made sense.
When it comes to relationships, the same rule applies. Taking risks doesn’t guarantee success—it guarantees growth. Like when I packed up my car at twenty-four and moved to Chicago for a journalism fellowship, knowing no one except my slightly overbearing GPS voice. Or that time I confessed feelings to a close friend, half-sure it would ruin everything. (It didn’t—we're still friends, though mildly awkward whenever Adele plays in the background.)
The worst thing isn’t falling on your face—it’s never trying in the first place. Whether it’s love, work, or booking a spontaneous flight to Iceland because your heart told you to, take the leap. Even if you belly-flop, you’ll walk away with a story—and maybe even a better grip on who you are.
Self-Awareness Is Sexy
Here’s a wild idea: What if we all spent as much time understanding ourselves as we did analyzing someone else’s texts? Self-awareness isn’t just something therapists recommend; it’s the greatest love hack of all time. Knowing yourself—your likes, dislikes, boundaries, and baggage—can turn even bad dating experiences into teachable moments.
Case in point: I once ignored my gut instinct about someone who was clearly commitment-averse just because we had “great chemistry” (and by chemistry, I mean we liked the same movie snacks). Spoiler: It didn’t end well. The relationship fizzled faster than a warm soda, but it taught me an important lesson: chemistry matters, but values matter more. Now, I lead with questions like, “What’s lighting you up in life right now?” instead of “Oh, you like hiking? Me too!”
Self-awareness isn’t selfish. It’s foundational. Knowing what drives you—and what makes you slam on the brakes—simplifies the hardest parts of connection. Plus, when you show up fully aware of yourself, flaws and all, you invite others to do the same.
Kindness: It’s Free, So Use It Generously
If authenticity is my North Star, kindness is my loyal compass. I credit this to Idaho’s small-town vibe—where greeting a stranger is second nature and lending a helping hand is the rule, not the exception.
When it comes to relationships (romantic or otherwise), kindness is the unsung hero. Swiping right might lead to butterflies, but steady kindness is the real deal, keeping love afloat after all the grand gestures have faded. It’s the tiny things—the text reminding them they’ve got this meeting covered, putting extra thought into a holiday card, or forgiving someone before they even ask.
Kindness doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you (dating tip: never let someone ghost you twice). Instead, it’s about choosing grace when you could easily hold a grudge. Because at the end of the day, how we treat people defines us more than a hundred clever Instagram captions or first-date anecdotes.
The Takeaway: It’s About Progress, Not Perfection
So, what do I stand for? I stand for the messy, beautiful, imperfect process of trying—whether it’s building relationships, understanding yourself, or piecing together an IKEA chair that might double as modern art. Love in all its forms—romantic, platonic, self, or otherwise—is worth our best shot. And no, we won’t always get it right. In fact, we’ll get it wrong more often than not. But that’s the magic of being human.
So here’s my challenge to you: Show up, fully and authentically. Laugh when things go sideways. Be relentlessly kind. Take risks. And somewhere along the way, don’t forget to pause, look around, and realize you’ve come farther than you thought.
Because no matter how wobbly your chair might seem, you’re stronger than you know—and the instructions are already in your heart.
