Curiosity Is the Ultimate Matchmaker

Have you ever heard of someone learning to make tamales in a stranger’s kitchen because they got lost on the way to a party? No? Well, now you have. It happened to me, and I swear, it was one of the best nights of my life. What started as a misstep led to laughter, flour-covered hands, and the warmth of strangers-turned-friends. All because I stayed curious enough to say yes when the universe gave me a detour.

Curiosity isn’t just the value of the day at some corporate retreat—I’d argue it’s the secret sauce to the relationships we crave. Love? Friendship? Connection? They all start with a spark of “But what if…?” Whether you’re navigating a first date, trying to rekindle excitement in a long-term relationship, or simply understanding yourself more deeply, curiosity is what makes the whole adventure vibrant and unpredictable—in the best way.

So, how do we channel this often under-celebrated skill into crafting better relationships, surprising connections, and memorable stories? Let’s break it down.

The First Date Mindset: Ask Better Questions

Picture this: you’re on a first date. You both swipe the condensation off your glasses, nervously laughing through a surface-level chat about your favorite Netflix shows. Don’t get me wrong—bonding over a mutual love for Stranger Things has its merits (Steve Harrington is America’s boyfriend, after all), but is that really the connection you’re seeking? You’re not looking for someone who just mirrors your favorite snacks or playlists, are you?

Here’s where curiosity shines. Instead of focusing on performing—a polished version of yourself ready to volley socially acceptable answers—lean into real curiosity about the other person.

Try this:
- “What’s something random you’ve always wanted to learn?” (You’ll know right away if they have secret salsa-dancing aspirations or a burning desire to master crocheting.)
- “What excites you right now in life?” (This gets beyond day-to-day monotony and into who they are today.)
- “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever eaten or done on a whim?” (Yes to spontaneity points if they mention sneaking into a rooftop concert or eating crickets in Mexico.)

The best part? You’ll discover whether they look at the world with wonder or if they’re someone who’s just… checked out. Pro tip: curiosity is magnetic. Allow yourself to be genuinely fascinated by the answers—and don’t overthink injecting your own story back. This isn’t a TED Talk; it’s a spark session.

Long-Term Relationships Need Short-Term Adventures

Now, let’s talk about those of you out there who’ve already hit the phase where Postmates orders outnumber date nights, and yoga pants have become your uniform (no shame—that’s my natural state too). You might think you know everything about your partner already. How could there possibly be mystery left?

Let me challenge that thought: Curiosity doesn’t end at the first “I love you” or the day you memorize their coffee order. It just changes shape.

Some ideas on how to keep things fresh:
- Play tourist in your own city. My partner and I once went on one of those ridiculous food crawls after googling “best fried chicken sandwiches in Chicago.” We spent an entire day trying sandwiches, debating sauce ratios, and walking off the grease through parks we hadn’t visited before. By the end of the day, we knew our rankings and realized we still had new memories to create in a city we thought we’d exhausted.
- Say yes to their current obsessions. Is it 100% ridiculous that my girlfriend dragged me to an immersive Van Gogh exhibit after a sudden fixation with his art? Maybe. But sitting in a room washed in larger-than-life sunflowers while she whispered enthusiastic observations about brushstrokes into my ear made me feel closer to her. Turns out, trying on someone else’s curiosity revives your empathy.
- Ask the old questions with new emphasis. Here’s a spicy one: “If we didn’t know each other, and I slid into your DMs today, what would you actually say back?” It starts as a joke, sure, but you’ll both be caught up imagining who you’d be if you met now.

Pro tip: Curiosity isn’t about reinventing everything overnight. It’s about peeling back one overlooked layer at a time.

Crushing Assumptions, Cuban Abuelita Style

Growing up with my Cuban abuelita at the center of my universe, I learned curiosity is sometimes about balancing what you think you know against what you’ve missed while looking the other way. Her favorite phrase about family? “Don’t just assume you know your blood—you grow apart when you think you know enough.” It sounded melodramatic when she said it across a pile of black beans and rice, but years later, it hit me like a rock.

Case in point: I’d always assumed my family set down roots in Miami for good. Everyone just seemed too entrenched in the rhythm of cafecitos and dominoes to want anything else. Then one Thanksgiving, I casually asked my uncle why he’d moved back to Cuba a few years ago. He paused, a little surprised. No one had ever seriously asked, apparently. We ended up deep in a wine-fueled conversation about why he felt called home after five decades and how the island’s melody resonated in a way American life couldn’t. (Translation: Curiosity isn’t just for strangers or lovers, folks—family deserves it too.)

My point? Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling, or that one friend who texts “wyd” at 2 AM, resist the urge to categorize too quickly. They’re evolving just like you, whether they admit it or not.

When Curiosity Meets Courage

Curiosity is bold. It asks you to step outside your comfort zone and lean into the unknown when it’s safer to stay where you are. But ask yourself this—when has anything truly memorable in your life come from playing it safe?

If I’d admitted defeat when I got lost on my way to that party way back when, I wouldn’t know that the secret to a killer tamale is a hearty squeeze of lime in the masa. I’d have missed out on strangers shaping dough and memories side by side until they became family for an evening.

Similarly, if you’re not curious in love or relationships, the best parts might pass you by. The joke they tell after one too many drinks. The soft way they talk about their childhood hopes. The fact that they still believe in coin flips deciding major life decisions. (Yes, this has happened to me. Yes, I respected the audacity.)

So, speak up. Ask. Wonder. Wander. Sometimes, a question about how someone’s coffee gets brewed grows into a Sunday ritual you’ll look forward to for years.

The Takeaway

Here’s what I’ve learned on this curious little planet of ours: people aren’t puzzles to solve but entire novels we’ll never finish. Lean in. Scratch the surface. Tear out the epilogue you think you know and scribble new questions between the margins.

Whether it’s love, friendship, or rediscovering your own passions, curiosity is a declaration to the universe: “I’m here to learn. I’m here to connect. I’m here to live louder.”

So, the next time life hands you a detour—a wrong turn, a weird conversation, or an urge to text someone you haven’t seen in years—don’t overthink it. Just say yes. You never know where curiosity might lead you.

It’s probably better than where the GPS had you going anyway.