What Do Vineyards Know About Love? (More Than You’d Think)

I didn’t think much about love while growing up in the vineyards of Napa Valley. Between the clink of wine glasses, the hum of fermenting barrels, and my parents discussing tannins like college football stats, love seemed... abstract. But then one foggy morning during college, as I stared at trellised vines on a tour I’d given a hundred times, it hit me—relationships are a lot like vineyards.

Yes, that sounds painfully poetic. But hear me out—grapevines have lessons for us all if we pay attention.

The Slow Burn of Connection: Love Takes Its Sweet Time

Here’s the thing about wine: it doesn’t care about your impatience. A good vintage takes years of careful tending, watching, and waiting—frosty winters, scorching summers, unpredictable rains. You can’t cheat the process or rush it without ending up with a bottle that’s best described as “regrettable.”

Isn’t that true for relationships, too? In a world where instant dopamine hits reign supreme, from two-day Amazon delivery to bingeable rom-coms, it’s tempting to expect love to work the same way. Meet-cute on Monday, deep connection by Friday, discussing baby names next week—right? But as I’ve learned (and as wine often reminds me), meaningful connection takes time.

When I was 21, I met someone—a chef, of course—while working a wedding at a winery. Sparks were immediate. He knew how to make a crème brûlée that would ruin you for all other desserts; what wasn’t to love? Yet, when the intense crush gave way to awkward conversations about long-term goals, we both bailed. Turns out, my idea of commitment was “watching movies on the couch” while he envisioned “buying goats and moving to Corsica.”

Relationships, like cultivating good pinot noir, can’t be rushed. And sometimes, they’re just not the right varietal.

  • Actionable Tip: Slow down in the early stages of dating. Give people room to reveal their layers—flaws, quirks, passions. The best connections, like the best bottles, get better with time.

Pruning for Growth: Letting Go Isn’t Loss

Pruning is not glamorous, but it’s vital to a vine’s survival. During winter, entire sections of the plant are cut back to prevent overgrowth and wasted energy. It feels almost violent—snipping off perfectly good canes, leaving only the barest structure behind. But without pruning, the vine can’t produce high-quality grapes. It’ll become chaotic, overloaded, and ultimately unproductive.

I didn’t understand this until my late twenties, after an ex and I broke up and I tried to be the cool girl—"of course we can stay friends, attend brunches, share memes!" But the truth? I was hoarding emotional baggage like a mismanaged vineyard clinging to last year’s deadwood. I couldn’t make space for something new while tangled in the past.

Pruning in love is scary. It feels destructive. But it’s how we grow into the kind of partner someone else can build a life with—and invite them to grow alongside us.

  • Actionable Tip: Reflect on what’s weighing you down in your relationship life. Are old flames, bad habits, or one-sided situationships keeping you from thriving? Cut them loose—you (and your future person) will thank you later.

Fertilizer Is... Well, Fertilizer: Growing Through the Mess

Okay, let’s get real. Every vineyard uses fertilizer because vines, like relationships, need nutrients to thrive. The kicker? Fertilizer is pretty much glorified poop. Call it manure, compost, or organic soil enrichment—whatever makes you sleep at night. Growth doesn’t happen in pristine conditions; it happens in the mess.

Several years ago, after publishing my first book, I found myself in a complete creative drought. I didn’t know what to write about next—or if writing even mattered—which sent me spiraling into existential dread. Around the same time, I met someone new, only to have them break up with me because of my “weird relationship with my career” (their exact words). Classy, right?

But in hindsight, those moments of doubt fertilized everything that came next. Losing someone who didn’t see my growth potential? Fertilizer. Reassessing what I cared about professionally? Fertilizer. Learning how to lean into the discomfort of uncertainty? You guessed it—fertilizer.

  • Actionable Tip: Instead of avoiding relationship challenges, try reframing them as fertilizer for personal growth. Breakups, hard conversations, and setbacks might stink in the moment (a lot), but they’re what build resilience.

The Harvest: Celebrating the Little Wins

Most people think of wine-making as glamorous—fancy glasses, lush vineyards, crisp twilights. But "the harvest" is all sweaty chaos: tractors everywhere, sticky hands from grape juice, and dirt in places it has no right being. The payoff? A deep kind of satisfaction when the year’s labor finally pays off.

In the same way, relationships aren’t built on grand gestures or Instagram-worthy moments. Sure, those are nice. But deep love exists in the sticky, unglamorous parts of life: the post-road-trip fights about navigation, the late-night takeout eaten in your worst pajamas, the quiet comfort of brushing your teeth side by side.

One of my fondest memories in a relationship wasn’t a fancy dinner or wine-tasting date—it was a Tuesday night spent cooking pasta in a tiny kitchen, laughing as we burned everything because someone forgot to set the timer (fine, it was me). Harvest moments rarely look perfect, but they remind us why the work is worth it.

  • Actionable Tip: Celebrate the everyday victories in your love life. Maybe it’s sharing a joke that leaves you laughing for minutes, or simply making it through a tough week together. The magic is often in the mundane.

Conclusion: A Reminder from the Vines

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: love is less about perfect conditions and more about the process. There will be false starts (like planting grapes suited for wetter regions during a drought) and inevitable messes, but growth doesn’t come without effort. Whether you’re tending a vineyard or a relationship, the key isn’t perfection—it’s paying attention. It’s allowing time, space, and care to work their magic.

So the next time you feel stuck or impatient in the romance department, take a moment to think like a winemaker. Prune what doesn’t serve you. Let the mess teach you. Celebrate small victories. Most importantly, trust that with time and effort, the fruits of your labor will be something worth savoring. Cheers to that.