Curiouser and Curiouser: Why Embracing Curiosity is the Ultimate Glow-Up for Your Love Life

A Curious Spark

Imagine standing at the edge of Monument Valley as the sun dips behind those towering red mesas, painting the desert sky in shades of honey and violet. That’s where I found myself at 22, heart freshly broken, eating a slightly melted chocolate bar in my truck bed and contemplating how my life had gone so sideways. My high school boyfriend—whom everyone, including my great-aunt, assumed I’d marry—had just ghosted me after three years together. It wasn’t just a breakup; it was a personal earthquake—like someone pulling the wrong Jenga piece and watching the whole tower collapse.

I remember staring at the horizon and thinking, “Now what?” And let me tell you, there’s nothing like a desert sky to make even your biggest heartbreak feel small. That moment wasn’t just a crossroads; it was an invitation to get curious about what comes next. I didn’t know it then, but leaning into curiosity would become my secret ingredient for love, growth, and the juiciest stories of my life.

Curiosity has a way of shaking things up. It sidesteps our fears, tiptoes past our doubts, and whispers, “But what if…?” Let’s talk about why curiosity might be the most underrated power move in your love life—and in life, period.

The Pitfall of the Known

We like to think we’re brave little adventurers, but if we’re honest, most of us set our GPS to “comfort zone” and call it a day. When it comes to attraction, flirting, and relationships, we cling to what’s familiar.

Maybe you exclusively swipe right on people who share your coffee order (hello, oat milk latte crew). Or perhaps you’ve convinced yourself that only a certain “type” will work for you—bookish introverts, techie extroverts, or anyone who owns an unironic karaoke machine. We lean on preferences because they feel safe. But here’s the rub: between the lines of your “type” are people you might be overlooking—people who could challenge, inspire, or surprise you in ways you never expected.

This happened to me big time my sophomore year in Vermont. I was crushing on an artsy, soft-spoken guy from my anthropology class who lent me a dog-eared Edward Said book. But my roommate decided to crash his study group one day and instead pulled me into a conversation with his older brother, an over-the-top theater major who was all jazz hands and dad jokes. I wound up on a completely unplanned date with him later that week. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out romantically, but he introduced me to slam poetry open mics, a love of balsamic on everything, and a deeply weird road trip playlist featuring both Fleetwood Mac and Salt-N-Pepa.

Here’s what I realized: Curiosity isn’t about settling—it’s about opening. Curiosity asks us to step toward the unknown, even if it makes us squirm. And often, the journey ends up more transformative than the destination.

Get Curious, Get Out of the Way

So how do you actually inject curiosity into an aspect of life as vulnerable as flirting or falling for someone? Here are a few practical ways to lean in—and maybe find your next unexpected spark:

  1. Ask Open Questions
    Ditch the predictable “Where are you from?” and opt for something unexpected, like “What’s the weirdest skill you’ve picked up this year?” or “If you could live in any decade, which one and why?” Playful, no-pressure questions lighten the mood and leave space for people to reveal their quirks. Trust me, learning about someone’s random facts is much better than decoding their star sign compatibility with yours.

  2. Say “Yes” (Within Reason)
    Before you swipe left—or firmly write someone off IRL—pause. Could there be a different kind of chemistry bubbling beneath the surface? A cornball sense of humor, a shared niche hobby, or a worldview that balances your own? If you feel a little spark of intrigue, lean into it. Worst case? You learn something.

  3. Embrace Their Weirdness
    Maybe you connect with a fellow foodie who believes putting ketchup on steak should be a crime; maybe you bond with someone whose karaoke go-to is Cher. Great relationships—be they romantic or friendly—don’t need perfect alignment. They just need room to kaleidoscope into something beautiful.

Lessons from My Messiest Encounter

Few things test your curiosity like crashing hard for someone outside your comfort zone. For me, that someone was a documentary filmmaker I met at a small film festival in Albuquerque. He was basically a human tumbleweed—always wandering from place to place with his camera and scruffy hair. While I lived by color-coded planners (shoutout to my bullet journal crowd!), he barely knew what day it was.

After one of his Q&A sessions, I asked him on a whim what drove him to chase so many places and stories around the world. He just grinned and said, “Because I don’t know what I don’t know yet.” That floored me in the best way. We spent the next two days exploring desert murals, stumbling through half-Spanish conversations at taco carts, and debating whether cacti or aspens made better metaphors for relationships.

Did it last? Not even a little. But honestly? That wasn’t the point. He reminded me that curiosity doesn’t have to lead to permanence—it can simply spark memorable moments that nudge you to grow. To this day, I still ask myself that same question: What don’t I know yet?

Building Bridges

One of the things I love most about my Navajo upbringing is the cultural emphasis on connectedness, of threads that bind us to one another, to nature, and to the stories that came before us. In our way, curiosity isn’t just about being nosy—it’s about softly tugging those threads and seeing where they lead.

When my grandmother would weave intricate patterns into her rugs, each line told a story. The weft and warp weren’t straight roads; they doubled back, darted in unexpected directions, and wove bits of mistakes into patterns more beautiful than perfection could ever be. That’s what curiosity feels like—it’s messy weaving, but it creates something you couldn’t predict.

The Call to Wander

Here’s the secret sauce: staying curious is about allowing surprise into your world. It’s laughing too loudly over first-date tacos, being willing to have your worldview challenged, and leaning forward when someone shows you an entirely different way of thinking.

Curiosity isn’t just for meeting people—it’s for meeting yourself, again and again, in every new twist and turn of your life. So go ahead. Ask the question. Make the call. Smile at the stranger in the coffee line. You might not walk away with your soulmate, but you’ll definitely walk away with a story you didn’t have before. And really, isn’t that the point?

Wander on, my friend.