Your Introverted Soulmate Isn’t Psychic: Why Clear Communication in Relationships Matters More Than Ever

Relationships are a dance, and while some of us are over here doing the shaku-shaku with flair, others missed the beat entirely. But let’s be honest—when it comes to communication, many couples are out here stepping on toes. If I had a naira for every time I heard someone say, “But they should just know what I want!” I’d own beachfront property in Lekki by now. Spoiler alert: unless your partner is secretly a Marvel superhero with telepathic abilities, they probably don’t know.

So here we are to spill the tea: love doesn’t come with mind-reading. It comes with work, and the good news? That work starts with you and the words you choose to express yourself.

Chapter 1: Silent Treatment? Hard Pass.

Growing up in Nigeria meant I was surrounded by stories—mostly uncles arguing politics over jollof rice or aunties dishing expert marital advice at weddings. I observed one eternal truth: the silent treatment doesn’t solve anything. You locking your lips tighter than a Buhari budget meeting will not get your point across.

Let’s paint a scene. You’ve had a stressful day, and your partner flops onto the couch happy as a Nigerian uncle with Alomo Bitters. You immediately think, How dare they ignore the tension emanating off me like I’m a malfunctioning generator? So you say nothing, waiting for them to notice—which they don’t. Now you’re angry, they’re clueless, and dinner is suddenly cold and awkward. Nobody wins here.

Direct communication—no matter how uncomfortable—is the antidote. Try a simple, “Babe, I’m feeling overwhelmed, can we chat?” Trust me, it’s better than waiting in vain for your partner to have a Nollywood-level epiphany.

Chapter 2: “Say What You Want”—Wait, But Actually Say It!

In my early twenties, I was convinced relationships were a mix of fate and vibes. You know, like Burna Boy and his Grammy wins—destiny just happens, right? Wrong. It turns out, waiting for someone to “figure you out” is about as effective as expecting NEPA to give you consistent light after 8 p.m.—a pipe dream, really.

Here’s the kicker: no one learns your preferences overnight, no matter how long you’ve been together. That birthday gift disaster? (Yes, the one where you dreamed of a weekend getaway but got a blender.) That’s on you—because did you ASK?

Here’s a cheat sheet for better communication:
- Be clear, not coy: “I’d love a romantic dinner date” works better than, “Oh wow, Chioma’s boyfriend always plans such thoughtful nights out…”
- Be kind but direct: You can be polite even when offering constructive criticism (“I love when you do X, but Y doesn’t feel great”). Sugarcoat less; it’s communication, not akara.
- Check your assumptions: Thinking your partner knows what matters to you without being told is unkind—to both of you.

Chapter 3: R.E.S.P.E.C.T, Find Out What It Means (In Words)

Do you remember when Tiwa Savage’s Somebody’s Son became the anthem for dreamy, swoon-worthy love? As much as we’d all love somebody’s son (or daughter) to "find us one day,” relationships thrive on respect—and it flows through words and actions you consciously choose.

Respect isn’t always about grand gestures or showering your partner with gifts—it’s baked into everyday conversations. The way you handle disagreements, for example, speaks volumes. Instead of one-upping your partner with tone-dead sarcasm (“Wow, sure, you’re always right”), try something like, “I see your point, but here’s where I’m coming from…”

And can we talk about how listening—genuinely listening—can transform a relationship? When your partner is deep in a rant that rivals an Abuja traffic jam, please don’t interrupt or tune them out. Respect their voice, even when it’s not the answer you’re hoping to hear.

Chapter 4: Fall Back on Cultural Wisdom (But Adapt With the Times)

Growing up with tales of love woven into West African folklore taught me that tradition often held nuggets of wisdom. My grandmother liked to say, “The mouth that speaks builds the house.” This wasn’t just her way of convincing us to speak nicely, but a metaphor: words can build a fortress or burn it down completely.

But context matters. While I still treasure those proverbs, I’ve learned to mix tradition with practice. For example:

  • Old Wisdom: Be patient when speaking to your partner.

  • Modern Twist: Balance patience with boundaries—respect your voice too.

  • Old Wisdom: The wise speak less.

  • Modern Twist: Silence has its place, but clarity and dialogue are non-negotiable in the 21st century.

Chapter 5: Let Humor Be Your Superpower

You can’t argue with someone who’s cracking you up—it’s science (or at least I hope it is). Humor can soften tough conversations and defuse tension faster than Wizkid sells out concerts.

When my partner and I have a disagreement, my go-to strategy is a well-placed joke: “Well, this might be a weird time for this, but if we ever fought like this on a survival show, I’d probably win the rice cooker.” It might sound silly, but laughter restores connection without sweeping the issue under the rug.

Pro tip? Use humor as a bridge, not a weapon. There’s a huge difference between light teasing and outright mockery (and your partner will know the difference).

Chapter 6: Remember, We’re All Still Learning

The truth is, even with clear communication, none of us gets it right all the time—me included. I once spent an entire argument trying to prove my point, only to realize the point didn’t even need proving. My partner wasn’t wrong, I was simply too stubborn to hear it.

Communication is a muscle. It requires stretching, intentional practice, and sometimes a little wobbling before you gain steady footing. And the beauty? When you’re invested in growing with your partner, those bumps in the road feel a little more like shared adventures than insurmountable challenges.

Final Words

Dear reader, the magic of love is real, but it isn’t mystical. It grows in the soil of communication, watered by small moments of vulnerability and nurtured by mutual respect. Mind-reading may be a superpower, but talking—and listening—are human skills we all can master.

So next time the words freeze and silence looms heavy like Lagos humidity, remember: clear words build bridges—and that’s far more powerful than waiting for someone to read your mind.

You’ve got this—one chat, laugh, and honest moment at a time.