Let me tell you something about growing up in Kennebunkport, Maine: life lessons were everywhere, whether it came from a stormy Nor’easter rolling in over the Atlantic or an afternoon of trying to untangle a lobster trap from seaweed (spoiler alert: the seaweed always won). But when it came to navigating love and relationships? That, my friends, was a whole other kettle of fish—and believe me, I fumbled through more than a few missteps before figuring some of it out. So settle in, because I’ve got a few pearls of wisdom to share that, frankly, I wish someone had whispered to me over a cup of clam chowder years ago.

Play the Long Game, Not the Lobster Chase

Lobstering taught me patience. You drop your traps, wait for the tides to do their thing, and hope there’s a payoff. The same lesson applies to relationships. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and connection doesn’t happen overnight either. Early on, I had this urgency—I wanted to know by Date Three if someone was “the one” (what even is that, anyway?). Spoiler: this rushed approach usually led to disappointment or some very awkward fourth dates.

Slowing down and letting things unfold naturally was a game-changer. Pay attention to the small—but telling—moments: Do they listen when you talk, or are they distracted by their phone (or worse, their reflection in the window)? Are they kind to the waiter at dinner? Do their interests align—or at least harmonize—with yours? Real connection, like a prized lobster, is worth the wait.

Don’t Try to Be a “Perfect Catch”

Once upon a time, in an effort to impress, I developed an alarming habit of pretending to enjoy activities I couldn’t care less about. Sports bars? Love them! Fishing tournaments? Count me in! Football? Wait, what are downs again?

This, naturally, led to resentment—and mild exhaustion. By trying to be what I thought someone wanted, I wasn’t being myself. Here’s the truth you probably already suspect but maybe don’t totally believe yet: authenticity is catnip to the right people.

So let them see the real you. For me, that’s someone who loves old movies, prefers bookstores to brunch spots, and will never say no to a well-made Whoopie pie. Does everyone share my enthusiasm for vintage maritime maps? Sure doesn’t. But the ones who get it—the ones who get me—stick around. You don’t need to mold yourself into someone else’s “ideal.” The right person will think the quirky, weird, unpolished you is a total treasure.

Breakups Are Like Nor’easters—Brutal, but They Clear the Air

Let me say it: I would not wish my first big heartbreak on my worst enemy. I went through the whole song-and-dance: binge-watching romantic comedies until I could recite every line of Notting Hill, drowning my sorrows in Ben & Jerry’s (there may have been a brief misunderstanding involving a full quart of Cherry Garcia), and plotting elaborate revenge fantasies that mostly involved being enviably happy in his line of sight.

But here’s what that gut-wrenching breakup taught me: endings create space for better beginnings. Losing that relationship made me take a hard look at myself. What did I really want? What parts of me had I been neglecting while trying to keep us afloat? And once I stopped seeing the breakup as a personal failing, I realized it was simply two people growing away from one another—and that’s okay. Sometimes a Nor’easter just needs to blow out the storm clouds.

Know the Difference Between Watering Your Garden and Fixing a Sinking Ship

Relationships take effort—of course, they do. But there’s a crucial difference between mutual growth and one-sided struggle. I once dated someone who seemed to treat the relationship as a test of my ability to fix them—whether that was their bad moods, their lack of ambition, or their general dissatisfaction with life. For way too long, I thought that if I just tried harder, I could turn them into Prince Charming. (Spoiler alert: I could not.)

Here’s the litmus test I now use: Is the relationship bringing out your best qualities, too? Or are you exhausted, wrung out, and constantly bending over backward to make it work? Healthy partnerships feel like two people tending to a shared garden: both planting, watering, and weeding for a shared purpose. Anything else is just bailing water out of a leaky boat—and eventually, you’re going to run out of buckets.

The Best Love Stories Are Lived, Not Scripted

I used to have this mental checklist of what I thought my ideal partner would be like. Tall? Check. Loves classic literature? Double-check. Enjoys long walks on the beach—because, hello, Maine? Triple-check. But when I met someone who didn’t quite match my “dream list” but made me laugh harder than anyone ever had, you know what I realized? Lists are for groceries.

What matters isn’t finding someone who fits into a box you’ve prepped in advance. It’s the things you didn’t even realize would be important. Maybe they can make any bad day better with their silly impressions. Maybe they introduce you to new music that somehow feels like it’s always been part of your life. Maybe they make you want to be a better—and happier—version of yourself. These are the plot twists you’ll almost never see coming—and trust me, they’re worth trading in the checklist for.

The Beach Glass Lesson: Time Smooths Everything Out

Lastly, one of the loveliest lessons I’ve learned from both life and relationships is something I call “the beach glass effect.” If you’ve ever picked up a piece of sea glass, all rounded and frosted from years in the tides, you know what I mean. It takes time—and a fair bit of rough surf—for what starts as a jagged shard to become something soft and beautiful.

Relationships—just like life—are often at their best after you’ve worked through the rough patches. Whether it’s learning to communicate better, recovering from a hard conversation, or accepting each other’s quirks (and let’s be honest, sometimes those quirks are a little...quirkier than advertised), the process is messy, but the results are magic. Be willing to weather a few storms. What’s left when the waters calm down might just surprise you.

Sail Forward, Brave One

Here’s the thing: wherever you are in your relationship journey—navigating a rocky shore, savoring smoother seas, or still searching for your perfect “port”—you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Every misstep, every heartbreak, every cringe-worthy date (there was the time someone referred to all seafood as “ocean bugs”…oy)—they’re all shaping the life and love you’re meant to have.

So take a breath, enjoy the view, and keep going. You don’t need to have all the answers right now. Trust me, the waves will carry you where you need to be. And when you get there? Oh, the stories you’ll have to tell.