Lessons I Wish I Knew Earlier

We all have moments in life when we dramatically slap our foreheads and think, “If only I’d known that sooner!” In love and relationships, these moments are frequent—and sometimes come with extra servings of heartbreaks, comedic misunderstandings, and lessons served cold. Looking back as someone who’s stumbled, learned, and laughed his way through romance, I wish I could deliver a handwritten list of wisdom to my younger self. Instead, I offer it to you.

Here are the lessons I’ve gathered from long summer nights on Santorini, failed grand romantic gestures, and those unexpectedly deep conversations over souvlaki at a roadside taverna. Let’s dive in.

1. Don’t Just Aim for the Spark—Build the Fire

If I had a euro for every time someone told me they were holding out for that lightning-bolt feeling, I’d be buying you dinner right now. Sure, sparks are exhilarating—they’re the stuff of Hollywood meet-cutes and electric first kisses. But sparks alone won’t grill the fish, my friend.

Love, in the practical sense, is less about fireworks and more about tending to a steady flame. I met someone once who listed “then we danced under the moonlight” as her relationship non-negotiable. We did, and it was magical. But when the music stopped, real life showed up. And it turns out, “Will we laugh together while washing dishes?” is a much better non-negotiable.

Takeaway: Seek someone who makes the ordinary extraordinary. A spark is nothing without the kindling of shared values, mutual respect, and the willingness to pay your fair share of parking tickets.

2. Love Is a Marathon, Not a Bazouki Solo

Growing up Greek, I’ve been spoiled by a culture of grand romantic displays. Greeks don’t just woo; we serenade, we plate-smash, we overdo. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that love isn’t about dazzling someone with an epic bouzouki solo—it’s about showing up, day in and day out, even when the music gets a little off-key.

When running my boutique hotel in Crete, I often saw couples arrive starry-eyed and leave distant. Why? They entered with the fantasy of endless romance but weren’t prepared for the reality of compromise, like whether to snorkel or do that boring wine-tasting tour. The thrill may start the journey, but patience and effort keep you running the race together.

Takeaway: Love isn’t about who can shout “OPA!” loudest; it’s about learning to dance to life’s slower songs as well.

3. The Right Person Makes You Better, Not Smaller

Ever find yourself editing your personality to fit someone else’s expectations? I once dated someone who subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) suggested I “tone down” my loud family, my obsession with freshly baked olive bread, and my tendency to reference Socrates at inopportune times—like, mid-Netflix binge.

Guess what? That wasn’t love—it was emotional tailoring. I learned the hard way that love isn’t about compressing yourself to fit someone else’s box. When you’re with the right person, you expand. Your quirks become endearing, not annoying. You feel like co-architects of a shared life, not two mismatched puzzle pieces forcing the fit.

Takeaway: Stay loud. Stay you. Someone out there can’t wait to hear all your knock-knock jokes while inhaling an entire loaf of olive bread with you.

4. Timing Is Less a River, More a Rollercoaster

Love often feels like it’s all about timing: “We met at the wrong time.” “I need to focus on myself right now.” “He was great, but his sourdough starter was more of a priority than I was.” These are all the excuses we make when the puzzle pieces aren’t quite snapping into place.

But here’s the thing—there is no perfect timing. Life is messy, jobs demand moves, people grow and change, and sometimes your soulmate will have a penchant for following obscure bluegrass bands on international road trips. What matters isn’t perfect alignment—it’s whether you can hold hands through life’s unexpected turns, screaming with exhilaration (and maybe mild terror) as you go.

Takeaway: The magic isn’t in waiting for the right time. It’s in deciding, together, to buckle in and enjoy the ride—sourdough starter and all.

5. Conflict Isn’t the Enemy, but Avoidance Is

In the early days of dating, I thought that disagreements were red flags. “Oh no, we’re already arguing about where to eat dinner—we must not be compatible!” I’d sulkingly think, heading off to eat pita by myself. But what I failed to realize is that conflict isn’t the enemy. Avoidance, however, is.

Real love is messy. You’re going to fight. Your opinions will clash, your boundaries will be tested, and someone will inevitably eat the last baklava when you were saving it for a special occasion. What matters is how you fight. Are you listening? Are you working toward a resolution? Are you both committed to the relationship, rather than just “winning” the fight?

Takeaway: Forget the fairytales where couples never argue. Instead, aim for a story where you fight well and grow stronger through it.

6. Your Relationship with Yourself Sets the Tone

I hate to admit it, but there was a version of me—a younger, sloppier, freshly-heartbroken me—who thought that meeting the right person would magically fill every crack and empty space inside me. Spoiler alert: It didn’t work that way.

Before anything else, the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for everything that follows. If you don’t respect yourself, love yourself, or even just know yourself, you’ll expect your partner to do all that heavy lifting. And that’s a recipe for disappointment (and a very heavy emotional backpack for them). When you fill your own cup, you date from a place of abundance—not need.

Takeaway: You are your first partner. Treat yourself like someone worth falling in love with—and watch how that changes the kind of love you attract.

7. Grand Gestures Are Great, but the Small Stuff Wins

I once set up a table for two on a Santorini rooftop. There were candles, there was wine, and there was me nervously quoting Aristotle about love. (I’d give the evening a solid 8/10 for effort, though the nerves knocked off a couple of points.)

Yet here’s what I learned: While grand romantic gestures are lovely, they pale in comparison to consistent, thoughtful actions over time. It’s the cup of coffee brought to you in bed, the post-it note with a silly drawing on a random Tuesday, the offer to take the trash out when you’re exhausted. Love isn’t in the rare fireworks; it’s in the glow of the everyday moments.

Takeaway: Don’t just plan the rooftop dinner. Be the person who refills the olive oil bottle without being asked.

8. No One Has It All Figured Out (and That’s Okay)

Finally, the biggest lesson I wish I’d accepted earlier: No one—literally no one—has all the answers when it comes to love. Not your married friends, not the romance novelists, not even that one smug couple that's always Instagramming their matching brunch orders. Love is less a science and more an art form. Messy, subjective, constantly evolving.

We’re all stumbling through it, trying our best. The important thing is to stay open—to learning, to growing, to loving imperfectly but wholeheartedly.

Takeaway: You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to try, laugh through the stumbles, and keep showing up.

So there you have it: lessons scribbled in the margins of my life, delivered from plate-smashing Athens to the serene beaches of Crete to you. Whatever stage of the journey you’re in, take this with you—we learn love through loving. And when you approach it with curiosity and a touch of Mediterranean humor, the journey will be worth every twist and turn.

And remember: when in doubt, share the baklava.