Lessons I Wish I Knew Earlier

Look for Love—But Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Find It

At 22, I thought I had love all figured out. I had just graduated, had my first “grown-up” job, and was in a relationship with someone who I was sure was “the one.” Spoiler alert: they weren’t. When that relationship crumbled like stale conchas after two years, I wasn’t just heartbroken—I was lost. Who was I without him? What did I even like to do on a Saturday that didn’t revolve around his plans? Love, as I’ve learned, is beautiful, but it's not supposed to make you forget who you are.

Don’t be afraid to love deeply, but a word of advice? Stay rooted in yourself. Hold onto the things that make you you: the friends who knew you before the romance, the hobbies that energize you, and the goals you’re chasing. No person—not even Ryan Gosling-level dreamboat material—is worth shrinking yourself for.

Red Flags Are Not “Hidden Potential”

Let me save you some serious heartache: if someone shows you who they are early on, believe them—don’t try to re-write the blueprint. Once upon a time, I dated a guy who “wasn’t great at texting back.” Instead of seeing that as the red flag it was, I spun it in my head: “He’s just ~mysterious~ and probably busy curing global illnesses or something.” Nah, girl. He wasn’t curing anything. He was just bad at basic communication, and that pattern played out until the relationship eventually went MIA like his texts.

Red flags—whether it’s unwillingness to communicate, a tendency to downplay your feelings, or flakiness—aren’t cute quirks or things you’ll magically fix later with enough patience. They’re flashing neon signs saying, exit this way. The sooner you listen, the sooner you’ll save yourself from turning those warning signs into messy “what was I thinking?” stories to tell your friends.

It’s Okay to Say “No” to Potential

Talking about potential reminds me of when I begged my mom to buy me a half-dead plant on clearance at Walmart. “Mami, I promise, if we water it right and put it in the sun…it’ll be beautiful!” Fast forward two months, and that plant was still sad, crispy, and over it. Dating someone solely for their potential is the same: it’s exhausting, unrewarding, and you deserve so much more than maybe someday.

Loving someone isn’t about fixing them or dragging them across the finish line of personal growth. The right partner will inspire you, sure, but they’ll also meet you where you are. Don’t settle for promises of grandeur—choose someone who’s already showing up for you in the here and now.

Romance Is a Two-Way Street—Park That Princess Mentality

Listen, I love a good rom-com as much as anyone. Growing up, I devoured every Julia Roberts movie like it was arroz con pollo. But real love isn’t about finding someone willing to serenade you with a boombox in the rain or fly across the country with a big, dramatic “I can’t live without you!” speech. It’s about two people putting in the effort, equally.

For years, I expected relationships to feel like those big movie moments. But love isn’t all grand gestures—it’s consistency. It’s noticing the little things: the way someone brings you your favorite chocolate when you’ve had a bad day, how they ask how your abuela’s doing, or how their hugs feel like coming home. Don’t demand fireworks when the candles are burning just as beautifully. Appreciate the partners who are in it for the everyday, not just the climactic moments.

Rejection Sucks, But It’s a Gift in Disguise

I’ll never forget my first big rejection. I was 19 and infatuated with a guy who had this quiet, brooding artist thing going on, which I thought screamed ~sophisticated boyfriend material~. When he told me, gently, that he wasn’t feeling it, I felt like a telenovela heroine: mascara stained, eyes dramatically fixed on the horizon, screaming, ¡¿Por qué, Dios mío?!

Turns out rejection wasn’t the end of my story—just the start of a new chapter. It forced me to let go of unreciprocated feelings and opened the door for better experiences down the road. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unlovable; it just means something better is waiting for you. Treat it as the universe’s way of redirecting you to where you’re truly meant to be.

Stop Comparing Your Love Life to Everybody Else’s

Look, social media is a liar. The selfies of “perfect” couples vacationing in Bali and wearing matching outfits? They don’t tell the full story. For all you know, they could’ve been fighting about laundry ten minutes before posting that picture-perfect shot.

In my early 20s, I stressed myself out comparing my single self to friends who were already getting engaged. I had my timeline all mapped out: married by 25, casa bonita by 27, mamá duties by 30. When none of that happened, I panicked. It wasn’t until I let go of those imaginary milestones that I started enjoying where I was instead of mourning what hadn’t happened yet.

Love doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all schedule. Trust your timing. Whether you’re single at 30 or married at 22, your story is yours. The faster you stop comparing, the faster you can start enjoying the connections you’re building. (Pro tip: unfollow any account that makes you feel less-than.)

You’re Allowed to Dream Bigger Than Someone Else

Dating a guy who thought Houston didn’t have “real culture” (?!?!?!) taught me one crucial thing: never shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort. This guy hated the things that brought me joy—like dancing to Celia Cruz with my cousins or hitting up hole-in-the-wall taco spots on Navigation. And little by little, I started dimming parts of myself to avoid his judgment.

Big mistake, amiga. Your ambitions, traditions, and quirks are worth celebrating, not muting. Never feel guilty for wanting something bigger, brighter, or just plain different than your partner's vision. If they can’t get on board with your dreams, then they’re not worth the passenger seat in your journey. Compatibility isn’t just shared interests—it’s shared values. Find someone who celebrates what makes you, you.

You Deserve the Love You Freely Give

This lesson came slowly, like realizing pan dulce tastes way better dipped in a café con leche. I used to give, give, and give in relationships, priding myself on being the “chill,” low-maintenance girlfriend. But somewhere along the way, I forgot to hold myself to the same standard I held for others.

Here’s the real truth: love is not a one-sided hustle. It’s not bending over backward to meet someone’s needs while they barely lift a finger for yours. If you’re a giver, great—but make sure you’re giving by choice, not out of obligation. Wait for someone who will love you just as hard, just as sincerely, and just as freely as you've always loved others.

Wrapping It Up: You’re Exactly Where You Need to Be

Love is messy, unpredictable, and often hilarious in hindsight (shoutout to that time I cried in my car because a guy didn’t like mangoes). But it’s also one of the most incredible parts of being alive. Along the way, you’ll make mistakes, ignore advice (even the wise gems in this article!), and maybe say “I love you” three dates too soon. And that’s okay. It’s all part of learning.

You deserve a love that feels steady, safe, and bright. But most importantly, you deserve to love yourself through every stage of your life—whether you’re single, in something complicated, or deep into your happily ever after.

So take a deep breath, remember your worth, and keep putting yourself out there. And if you needed the reminder: you’ve got this, amiga. You really do.