7 Lessons I Wish I Knew Earlier About Love and Relationships

1. Don’t Treat Love Like It’s a Telenovela

Growing up with Univision in the background, I thought relationships thrived on drama: the surprise appearances, the stormy arguments, the grand gestures. In real life, though, constantly chasing al estilo telenovela is like trying to salsa dance in quicksand—you’ll sink fast.

Sure, passion is great, but don't mistake chaos for love. I had to learn the hard way that stable, healthy relationships feel more like your abuela quietly making café con leche for you in the morning than Antonio dramatically demanding a duel in the middle of the street (sí, estoy hablando de ti, María la del Barrio). Seek the warmth, not the whirlwind.

2. Compatibility Is Sexy

When I was younger, I thought attraction alone was enough. You like their eyes, the way they laugh, the electricity when they’re near. But here’s the thing: fireworks are pretty, but they don’t keep you warm when the power’s out.

I dated someone once who LOVED hiking. Like, every weekend. Meanwhile, I was sweating profusely just thinking about climbing stairs. No shame in their game, but we spent so much time compromising that neither of us really got what we needed. What I eventually learned? Shared values beat just fireworks—any day.

Look for someone who not only lights you up but feels like home. For me, that’s someone who appreciates some late-night boleros and understands that “Where are we eating?” is a sacred, daily debate.

3. Don’t Try to Fix People (You’re Not A Mechanic)

I’ll admit it: I had a savior complex—not on purpose, but gradually. I was drawn to people who seemed “complicated” or “needed help,” thinking I’d be the one to “fix” them. Call it Cuban mom energy; we’re raised to think a cafecito and pep talk can solve everything. Spoiler alert: it can’t.

You know what happens when you make someone your personal “project”? Resentment—for both of you. People need to grow on their own time, their own way. Be a partner, not a therapist or fixer-upper. The best relationships are with people who already show up whole, not waiting for someone to complete them.

4. Silence Is Not Always Golden

Early in my dating life, I thought hiding my true thoughts was kindness. Didn’t like their loud chewing? Stayed quiet. Hated how they poked fun at my salsa dancing (okay, fine, my attempts at salsa dancing)? Smiled and let it slide.

But hush-hush builds into resentful rage faster than my abuela realizes someone bought store-bought croquetas (and trust me, that’s fast). Speaking your mind, even when it’s uncomfortable, is a sign of respect—for yourself and for your relationship. Relationships shouldn’t feel like Miami’s endless summer—where small storms of miscommunication build into hurricanes.

Now, I’m not saying blow up over every chin hair you find in the sink, but address what bugs you early. Respectful communication is sexy. Passive aggression? Not so much.

5. Love Doesn’t “Complete You” – That’s Your Job

I’m not here to ruin Jerry Maguire, but let’s talk about the idea that someone can “complete” you. Sorry, pero no. Whoever sold us this nonsense never had to fix a kitchen sink by themselves during a breakup.

The truth is, you have to be whole first. Sure, a good partner brings out your best—but if you’re walking around waiting for someone to make you feel worthy, fun, successful, or happy, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Relationships thrive when two whole people choose each other—not when either one is looking to fill a void.

Take it from me, investing time into yourself—learning your strengths, hobbies, and even quirks (like your irrational hatred of pineapple on pizza)—creates the good kind of “baggage” that makes you irresistible to healthy, compatible people.

6. “Perfect Timing” Is A Myth

You’ve heard this before: “It’s not the right time.” Back when I was chasing the perfect moment to commit or start something meaningful, I’d convince myself it would all magically align someday. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

Life doesn’t stop for you to figure things out. It’s messy, it’s imperfect, and often inconvenient. I once waited to plan a trip with a partner because “the timing wasn’t right.” We ended up breaking up before any trip. The lesson hit me like a chancleta: if something feels right, jump in. If you’re not ready, be honest—but don’t blame “timing.”

There’s no perfect moon phase, stock market trend, or mercury-in-retrograde excuse to delay love. Show up where you are, as you are, and take the leap if it feels right. (Just not off a literal cliff—love can be thrilling, but do it safely, okay?)

7. The Best Love Teaches You About Yourself

Here’s the thing: I used to think love was like a salsa duet—that it was about keeping in step with your partner. But the best relationships I’ve had weren’t just about sync—they were about learning to appreciate my unique rhythm, too.

For example, one ex taught me the value of slowing down emotionally (I’m naturally intense; it’s the Cuban in me, ¿qué puedo decir?). Another ex taught me to appreciate quiet—sitting in comfortable silence, away from Miami’s usual noise. Each relationship taught me something valuable—not always about love, but about me.

Instead of seeing failed relationships as “lost time,” start viewing them as lessons that brought you closer to knowing yourself. And when the right person joins you, you’ll be better equipped to love them—flaws, awkward dance moves, and all.

At the end of the day, love is never an exact formula. It’s imperfect, chaotic, and often sweaty (especially if you’re dating in Miami). But here’s the upside: the journey is yours. Don’t be afraid to fall, fail, or figure it out as you go. The heartbreaks, the lessons, and—yes—even your mistakes are shaping you into someone ready for the kind of love you deserve.

So here’s my advice: embrace the mess. Just keep showing up as your best self—and never underestimate the power of a handwritten note or a well-timed laugh. Oh, and if they don’t appreciate your family’s secret croqueta recipe? Next.