I used to think that the big changes in life were what mattered most. You know, the grand gestures, the dramatic declarations, the bold decisions that scream, “Look at me! I’m evolving!” But as it turns out, what saved me — and honestly, saved my sanity — wasn’t anything grand at all. It wasn’t a career change or a life-altering epiphany on a scenic mountaintop (though, to be fair, I wouldn’t mind a little Eat, Pray, Love moment). No, my rescue came from a very small, very ordinary habit: I started making my bed every morning.
Yes, you read that right. A habit so mundane it barely registers as a habit. But stay with me — I promise this gets juicy. Because as I learned, sometimes the smallest shifts create the biggest ripples.
The Chaos Before
For years, my room looked like the perfect metaphor for my dating life: a beautiful mess. Picture a bed with a sheet barely clinging to the corner of the mattress, a pillow teetering off the edge, and that one decorative blanket I bought from a street vendor in Mexico City crumpled in a shameful heap. Some days, I’d toss the comforter vaguely toward the middle of the bed and think, Close enough.
But deep down, I wasn’t fooling anyone — least of all, myself. My unmade bed mirrored my emotional state: scattered, uncertain, and honestly, pretty tired (not to mention, not cute to look at). My mornings felt rushed, my space uninspired. And as I hurled myself into the world, the chaos followed me. Cluttered room, cluttered mind, cluttered relationships. It was all connected.
It wasn’t just dating, either. Every area of my life felt like I was holding my breath just to get by. And, let me tell you, holding your breath is no way to live — or flirt, for that matter. How was I supposed to ask someone to step into my life when I wouldn’t even clear off the chair in the corner of my bedroom?
So one morning, I decided to make my bed. Properly. No rushing, no half-hearted toss of the blanket. Just a small experiment to see if order in one corner of my world would create order elsewhere.
Spoiler alert: It did.
Why Your Bed Is Actually A Relationship Guru
You might be rolling your eyes right about now, thinking, What does making a bed have to do with my relationships, Carmen? Bear with me, because I was skeptical too. But the habit taught me lessons I never expected — lessons I desperately needed. Turns out, my bed became my very own love and life coach, whispering profound truths into my ear through neatly smoothed-out sheets.
Here’s what I learned:
1. The Power of Intention
When you make your bed, even in the smallest, laziest way, you’re setting an intention for the day ahead. It’s like telling yourself, Hey, I’m showing up — not just to my room but to my life. And let me tell you, relationships thrive on this.
Love doesn’t bloom out of grand romantic gestures pulled straight from a rom-com. It’s rooted in smaller intentional acts — asking about someone's day, planning their favorite meal, or replying to that text with more than a shrug-worthy emoji. Making my bed reminded me that showing care, even in the smallest ways, is what builds trust and connection.
2. Consistency Is Sexy
We all want someone who follows through — a text when they say they’ll text, a date when they say they’ll plan one. Making my bed became my daily practice of that same reliability. Forget spontaneity for a second; there’s something wildly attractive about knowing you can count on someone (or yourself).
At first, I was inconsistent, skipping a day here or there. But soon, I found myself craving that little act of accomplishment. And guess what? Showing up for myself helped me show up better for others.
3. Creating a Sanctuary Is Non-Negotiable
Your room — your personal space — says so much about where you are emotionally. Are you creating a space you’d actually want to share with someone? Or is your bedside table one coffee ring and a mountain of receipts away from declaring bankruptcy?
When I started making my bed, it shifted how I saw my entire space. I began decluttering, adding small touches that felt soft and inviting. Candles, a vase of eucalyptus, books on the nightstand instead of mismatched socks. I started treating my room like the sanctuary it deserved to be — not as a chaotic backdrop to my life drama. And let me tell you, my relationships started to follow that same energy. No more messy entanglements or feelings shoved to the side.
The Ripple Effect
Here’s the thing no one tells you: small habits are contagious. Once you build one, others naturally follow. After a month of making my bed, I started waking up just a little earlier to enjoy my café con leche in peace before diving into the day. Then, I finally tackled that wallet-busting stack of unread books (hello, Gabriela Mistral poetry). By the next month, I stopped over-committing to plans every weekend just to stay “busy” — and started creating more quality time with myself.
And once I did, my dating life... simplified. I stopped defaulting to late-night WhatsApp chats with half-invested strangers and focused on deeper, clearer connections. It was as if making my bed unclogged the emotional drainpipe where all my energy was stuck.
Making your bed won’t send your soulmate knocking on your door (if only!), but it does set the tone for what you accept and invite into your life. It teaches you to show up, keep things consistent, and respect your space. And isn’t that what we all want from love?
Ready, Set, Fold
If you’re reading this thinking, Okay, Carmen, this is adorable, but my bed is my cat’s domain and it’s staying that way — fine. But try it once. Tomorrow morning, shake the crumbs from those sheets, straighten that comforter, and see how it feels to start your day with one small win.
Because here's my secret: the habit wasn’t really about the bed. It was about telling myself, every day, You deserve order, beauty, and care. It was about rewriting my inner monologue from “I’m too busy to bother” to “I’m worth the effort.” And it’s funny how that one tiny, two-minute act snowballed into a much louder message I’d been needing to hear.
That same message worked its way into the corners of my life I thought were too messy to tackle. Making the bed became a metaphor for showing up — for myself, for my space, for the people who wanted to share both with me.
So, if your life feels like a bit of a whirlwind right now, try grounding it with one small habit. You don’t have to overhaul your existence in a single day. Just start with something manageable, something you can build on. Who knows? It might just save you too.
