The Morning Ritual That Saves My Sanity

They say how you start your morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. And I’ll be honest: I used to be awful at mornings. Think coffee-stained pajama bottoms at 11 a.m., answering emails in a sleep-deprived haze while muttering “Why God, why” into my lukewarm cup of Folgers. That was before I stumbled—quite unexpectedly—onto a morning routine that not only sparks my brain but also soothes my heart. And yes, it involves a tiny spritz of romance.

Let me walk you through it.

Step One: Slow Southern Sunrises

I crack my eyes open around 6:30 a.m., not because I’m one of those annoyingly chipper early risers but because the Alabama sun doesn’t argue. When that streak of gold cuts through my blinds, I’ve learned to lean into it. My first stop is the porch.

I’ve inherited my daddy’s love for porches—his Bible study took place on one, his sticky summer lemonade sipping too. So, I shuffle to mine, wrap myself in last night’s robe, and watch as “morning” officially wakes up. The birds are chatty, like gossipy neighbors at a small-town diner, and the humid air still carries a sliver of coolness. This is my calm-before-the-chaos moment. Sometimes I pray, sometimes I just stare out at the magnolia tree and ask, “What kind of nonsense are you sending me today, universe?”

Here’s the twist: those fifteen porch minutes do more for my mental clarity than any self-help book I’ve skimmed on “finding balance.” I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your first thought of the day doesn’t have to be productive—it just has to be yours.

Step Two: Breakfast (But Make It More Fun Than Cereal)

You know those TikToks where influencers show off aesthetically perfect avocado toast with a side of poetic musings? Mornings like that aren’t my truth. Instead, I’m all about the grits. Big bowl, lots of butter, enough pepper to make an unsuspecting Northern guest start coughing. Folks up North might sniff at grits, but down here, it’s comfort food with a soulful purpose.

Sometimes I pair my grits with eggs because I believe breakfast should have layers, like a Nicholas Sparks love story. (Will the eggs spill into the butter? Will the butter choose the pepper flecks? You never know!) And because I romanticize just about everything, I picture myself serving this breakfast to an early love interest someday, conversation tumbling like warm biscuits straight out the oven.

While my breakfast cooks, I pull out my notebook. Not a fancy pressed-leather journal (though journaling influencers, we see you), just an old spiral I picked up at a drugstore sale. I jot down whatever needs to leave my head—dream scraps, questions, or sometimes a single line like: “Why did that man at Walmart smell like menthols and coconut?” Writing in the morning lets me unload yesterday’s thoughts without carrying them into today’s worries.

Oh, and pro tip: If you’re dating someone, encourage them to start a morning notebook too. You’d be surprised how much a person reveals in free-form scribbles. It’s both endearing and wildly entertaining.

Step Three: The Soundtrack of the Soul

If my mornings were a mixtape, track one would definitely be something moody—think James Taylor or Brandi Carlile. I used to listen to podcasts first thing, but let me tell you, there’s something magical about grabbing your coffee, standing barefoot in the kitchen, and singing “Carolina in My Mind” at the top of your lungs. (For anyone unfamiliar with this song: congratulations on being less heartbroken than me.)

Here’s my reasoning: mornings are like first dates. You show up hoping they’ll be lovely, but if the vibe is off, the whole thing feels awkward. Music sets the tone, even when my “dates” are just with myself. Some days I’ll throw in a Beyoncé power anthem—it’s impossible to feel insecure after belting “If I Were a Boy” and imagining dragging a misbehaving suitor through the mud.

Consider curating a “morning mood” playlist. Load it up with songs that remind you who you are and what you’re chasing in life. Whether that’s peace, confidence, or disco-fueled swagger, music is cheaper than therapy and way more fun than doom-scrolling first thing.

Step Four: My Unexpected Secret Weapon

Okay, here comes the left turn: one of my “weird” morning habits caught me by surprise, but I swear by it now. I write myself love notes.

I know, I know—cue the eye roll. But hear me out. I have sticky notes all over my bathroom mirror with little reminders like, “You’re stronger than you think,” or “Carrie, the grits are good because you made them.” They sound simple, even cheesy, but they’ve shifted my mindset in extraordinary ways.

I started doing this after helping my niece with her fifth-grade Valentine’s Day project. She made little paper hearts that said things like, “You’re the coolest kid at lunch,” and “I’d pick you for kickball every time.” Watching her so easily express kindness made me realize how stingy we adults can be—with others and especially with ourselves.

Now, when I write these notes, I ask myself: “What do I want to hear today?” Or, “What would make my middle school self hold her head a little higher?” Pro tip for the romantically inclined: if your partner needs a pick-me-up, doing this for their mirror is pure gold. So simple, but so powerful.

Step Five: Making Space for Good Things

Before I dive into full-blown work chaos, I set aside ten minutes for what I call “space-making.” For me, this often takes the form of watering my potted plants or tidying my desk. There’s something deeply gratifying about clearing physical space before tackling mental clutter. Also, plants are low-stakes relationships—the fiddle leaf can’t ghost me, even if I forget watering for two days.

And listen, sometimes dating feels like a fiddle leaf fig. It needs nurturing, sunlight, and occasional words of encouragement. (Trust me, I’ve whispered to mine more than once: “Don’t give up on me; I’m trying!”) When you’re single—or just navigating the weird middle grounds of companionship—this little act teaches you persistence in the smallest, most manageable way.

The Takeaway: It’s Not Perfect, But It’s Mine

By 8 a.m., my hair’s usually in a messy bun, my coffee cup is empty, and I’m ready for emails, grading essays, and whatever else the day throws my way. To call this morning routine “perfect” would be a stretch—some days, there’s leftover grit crust on the stove, or the sticky notes mock me when I inevitably cry over deadlines later. But it’s mine, and for that, I’m grateful.

The thing is, we all tether ourselves to something—to-do lists, romantic flutters, daydreams of the future. My morning routine tethers me to me. It’s a small love story all its own: me showing up for myself, flaws and all.

Wherever you are in your journey—flirting with possibility, tangled in complicated questions, or soaking up deep contentment—I urge you to create a routine that feels like home. Because mornings, like relationships, aren’t about perfection. They’re about showing up, staying present, and finding beauty in the everyday.