The Things I Can’t Live Without
We all have our non-negotiables—the things that keep us, well, us. Some may swear by a to-go espresso shot before 9 a.m.; others might cling to a lucky scarf like it's the source of their superpowers. Me? My must-haves reflect who I am and what keeps my relationships—with myself, and others—thriving. Sure, I could technically live without these things, but let’s be real: it wouldn’t be much of a life. Let’s dive into my essentials, shall we?
1. A Notebook That Listens Better Than Most People Do
Forget your Notes app for a hot second. There’s something about putting pen to paper that keeps me grounded. It’s where I map out my thoughts after a deep conversation or jot down realizations after a date that didn’t go according to plan. The notebook is my life coach on a budget, sitting quietly at my bedside, never judging.
And listen, it’s not just about using it for heart-to-hearts with myself. I’ve written the type of love letters that would make Jane Austen blush, only to later use them as evidence of my undeniable wit during a breakup recovery session. Need to vent about your partner’s unholy addiction to conspiracy podcasts? Notebook’s got you. Scribble, flip the page, move on.
Pro Tip: Splurge on the pretty ones with buttery paper and a hardcover. No judgment if you also pick up a glitter gel pen while you’re at it.
2. A Stash of Snacks That Whisper “You’re Not You When You’re Hangry”
If hanger were an Olympic sport, I’d have my gold medals hanging next to my… OK, they’d be next to my fridge snacks because that’s where the awards would live. My kitchen arsenal is always stocked with chile-lime popcorn, dark chocolate so bitter it argues back, and an emergency jar of peanut butter.
Food is more than sustenance; it’s an olive branch during tense moments. I’ve learned that midnight arguments are often solved faster with chips and guac intermissions. And honestly? Offering someone their favorite snack says, “I see you,” in ways no grand romantic gesture ever could.
Dating PSA: Always keep a snack on hand for long car rides with a new boo. Nothing exposes someone’s true self like gridlock traffic and low blood sugar.
3. A Playlist That Scores the Drama of Life
My playlist titles say it all. “Main Character Alert” for strutting down the street thinking I’m in a Netflix rom-com. “Sobbing in the Shower” for those rare but cinematic heartbreaks. And “Clean the Apartment So You Don’t Text Back” for—you guessed it—avoiding bad decisions.
Music is my anchor. Whether I’m driving through the Navajo Nation, marveling at a desert sunset, or recovering from a situationship that lasted longer than the pumpkin spice latte season (tragic), the right song makes everything more bearable.
Hot Take: You haven’t truly heard Adele until you’ve hollered “Someone Like You” after catching your ex on vacation with someone new. Catharsis: accomplished.
4. My Ancestral Jewelry
Handcrafted turquoise earrings from my grandmother? Check. A coral necklace that seems to drip with stories from my ancestors? Also check. These aren’t just accessories; they’re armor. They’re reminders of the countless love stories that came before me—messy, bold, and deeply human.
On shaky days, wearing pieces tied to my roots pulls me back to center. It’s a whisper from generations past: “You’ve got this. We’ve been there too.” Whether it’s a date, a breakup, or a first meeting with someone’s intimidatingly cool younger sibling, these pieces ground me in strength and heritage.
5. A Kitchen Full of Spices
Some people decorate with art; I decorate with jars of cumin, smoked paprika, and garam masala. As someone who believes in the healing power of a good meal, having a perfectly spiced dish on hand is a love language all its own.
I once made a bowl of caldo de gallina for a boyfriend nursing a cold, and boom—he claimed it tasted like cuddles in a bowl (but let’s not give him all the credit for this epiphany). The right spice blend makes you feel alive, reminding your taste buds what passion tastes like. Stirring, sautéing, seasoning—it all feels like magic, and I don’t skimp on that magic for anyone.
Pro Dating Tip: The way someone reacts to your cooking tells you everything you need to know about their long-term potential. (Also, if they dare ask for ketchup for your beautifully roasted potatoes? Run.)
6. My Passport (and an Obnoxiously Colorful Carry-On)
Few things thrill me more than stepping off a plane and inhaling the air of somewhere new. I'm obsessed with the romance of travel. Some of my best recent memories include sipping cold micheladas while overlooking the Andes or people-watching on the streets of Lagos.
These escapades have taught me patience (as every customs line offers), resilience (learned after one too many lost luggage crises), and the importance of flexibility (because travel, like dating, comes with its fair share of turbulence).
Travel also has a sweet way of reigniting the flames of romance—whether solo or with a partner. Whether you’re posting thirst trap pics on a gondola in Venice (because why not?) or just strolling through the vibrant chaos of a new city, your sense of wonder gets sharper.
7. Group Chats That Roar Like Stadium Crowds
There’s no therapist quite like a dozen friends dropping memes, one-liners, and unfiltered support in a group chat. I’ve got one for everything: siblings sharing TikToks that make us cry-laugh, a work posse venting creatively with expletive-laden haikus, and a squad of single besties dishing out spot-on breakup advice.
Every time I’m on the brink of texting something stupid to an ex, my crew is there to graciously say: “NO.” They’re also experts at analyzing screenshots of ambiguous text messages like they’re solving Cold War-era cryptography puzzles (“What does ‘lol sure’ even MEAN?").
If you don’t have a “ride-or-die” chat yet, assemble your humans. Bonus points if you assign funny titles—mine ranges from “Hot Mess Express” to “The Anti-Ghosters Club.”
8. A Candle So Good It Deserves Its Own Dating Profile
Ever lit a candle so divine it made you wonder if your life is secretly an A24 film? That’s me with my sandalwood-vanilla candle. Match it with a hot bath post-breakup or a Netflix marathon with bae, and the vibe completely shifts.
Scent isn’t just sensory; it anchors moments, memories, and moods. Every time I light that candle, I feel a sense of calm that screams, “I am a self-care goddess and also probably deserve snacks.” Honestly, who doesn’t want their space smelling like a dream sequence?
Pro Hack: Keep it burning during dates at home. Trust me—cozy scents do half the flirting for you.
9. The Courage to Say “No”
Let’s end with something you can’t exactly purchase but is priceless nonetheless: boundaries. Somewhere in my early twenties (right after dating someone who thought astrology was a cult), I realized it’s okay to say no. No to over-complicating connections. No to dates that don’t honor your time. No to people who text “k” in lowercase.
Saying “no” has been life-changing. It’s helped me protect my peace and look for relationships that feel like sunlight in human form. And the more I’ve done it, the freer I feel—not in a “my life is perfect now” way, but in the “my life is mine” way.
In the end, the things I can’t live without aren’t just objects or rituals—they’re reminders of who I am when no one’s looking. What are the things that make you feel like your best self? Whether it’s your glitter pen or your midnight guac obsession, hold them close. Life’s better when you’re surrounded by the essentials that bring you joy, laughter, and light.
