What’s in a name? Shakespeare asked the question centuries ago, but in modern life—especially in the world of dating and relationships—the answer might be: just about everything. Your name is the calling card of your identity, the first clue someone gets about who you are. It’s whispered in moments of intimacy, used to introduce you at parties, and, let’s be honest, subtly judged before you even show up to a first date.

But how often do you stop to think about what your name says about you? Its origin, its personality, its role in shaping your story? Spoiler alert: the story starts with you—and your name might be holding more of the pen than you realize.

It All Begins With a Name

I’ll admit it: growing up as Christo Valente in Santa Barbara gave me more of an advantage than I realized at the time. Not only does “Christo Valente” roll off the tongue like the name of a European yacht (I’ve actually had people assume I’m Italian royalty on that basis alone), but it has a story behind it. My parents, locals deeply immersed in philanthropy and the arts, named me after my great-grandfather, a Portuguese farmer turned poet. Essentially, my name came preloaded with a certain poetic gravity, which served me well once I swapped sandy beaches for the dating world.

I didn’t truly reckon with its power until college when I learned “Christo” could inspire a range of assumptions. On first introductions, some people thought I was mysterious. Others heard “Christo” and expected me to bust out watercolor paintings or Gregorian chants. But those first impressions, accurate or not, sparked curiosity. And that’s the thing about a name—it’s the first lens people see you through, whether you’re trying to land a date or solidify your sense of self.

Your Name, Your Starting Point

So how do you take your name—whether it’s the classically elegant “Isabella,” the overlooked but endearing “Gary,” or even a unique wildcard like “Ocean”—and make it work for your story? Here’s the deal: you don’t have to sound like a Napa Valley winemaker to own your identity. Dating—or any kind of connection—isn’t about altering who you are to impress others. It’s about leaning into the quirks, complexities, and cultural tidbits your name represents.

For example:

  • Ask Yourself, What’s the Legacy?
    Is your name a link to your heritage, a nod to a family novel, or simply something your parents liked the sound of? Knowing where it comes from gives you a unique conversation starter. Dropping “I’m Eva, after Eva Perón—not Madonna’s version,” promises more intrigue than a generic “Hi, I’m Eva.”

  • Embrace the Mispronunciations
    Does your name constantly get butchered? Turn those micro-aggressions into macro-charm. “It’s actually Sa-RA-tha, like 'marathon,'” serves the dual purpose of correcting and making you memorable. (And raises your likability factor if you laugh about it instead of sighing—trust me, been there.)

  • Own Your Nicknames
    Here’s the thing about nicknames: when other people give you one, it means you’ve made an impression. Whether you’re Joe but people call you Joey, or Alexandra who goes by Alex, nicknames add layers to your identity. Use them to show different sides of yourself—the playful one (Joey), the professional one (Joe), or even the one who only comes out after two margaritas.

When Your Name Enters the Conversation

If you’ve ever had a date start with, “So what’s the story behind your name?” you know it can be both a blessing and a curse. Blessing, because hey, someone’s showing interest; curse, because explaining your parents’ compromise at 2:00 a.m. in a delivery room can suck the mystery right out of the moment.

Here’s a tip: reframe the story. The truth is always fine, of course, but consider what your name means to you—not just why you were given it. Maybe you’re proud of how it reflects your roots. Or perhaps it’s a reminder that you’re forging your identity on your own terms. You can even add a throwaway line; one of my go-tos is, “Christo Valente—sounds fancy, but mostly I came with good beach genes.” Flirty humility is always a crowd-pleaser.

Name-Games in the Real World

Modern life adds another layer to the role of names. Think of the split-second decisions people make swiping through dating apps or skimming LinkedIn profiles. Your name is the first impression before you even start explaining your excellent taste in coffee shops or how you once made it onto Jeopardy!

Consider this:
- First Names Set the Tone
Pretend you’re one of those Netflix rom-com leads who only go by their first name in the opening credits. What does your name say as a stand-alone intro? Are you casual and unassuming, like a “Chris” or “Katie”? Or a little exotic and intriguing, like a “Rafaela” or “Kai”? Establishing this sense of self is key to how you present in conversations.

  • Surnames Carry the Weight
    Don’t underestimate the surname’s subtle power—especially when it comes to potential compatibility. I once had someone tell me, “Valente sounds like someone you’d meet on a vineyard tour.” Did it help me score a second date? No comment. But there’s a certain sophistication tied to the perception of your whole name being spoken aloud.

  • Pop Culture Twists Everything
    If your name happens to be famous for something—say you’re a Rachel, a Ross, or a Monica—you’ve likely already ridden the “Friends” joke wave. My advice? Milk it—lean into the pop-culture winks and pepper in some modern references. A little humor never hurt anyone.

A Name That Evolves With You

Perhaps the most fascinating thing about your name is how elastic it can be, growing and shifting as your life takes its twists and turns. For me, “Christo” has gone from childhood innocence to romantic intrigue to (hopefully) just enough gravitas to give me credibility in this whole writing-about-the-human-condition thing.

That evolution mirrors all of us. We start as pronouns assigned by our parents, then take ownership of our names as markers of individuality. And instead of debating whether our names “suit us,” the real fun begins when we let our experiences redefine them.

The Takeaway: Your Name Tells a Story—and You’re the Author

While it’s tempting to see your name as just another fact on your personal résumé, think of it as your story’s title. Yes, it carries baggage—sometimes funny, sometimes poignant—but ultimately, it shapes how people come to know you before you’ve even said a word.

So next time you’re at a party, a work event, or out meeting someone new, lean into your name. Play with its quirks, own its origins, and let it be the first spark of connection. Because if this crazy, tangled, wonderful dating world has taught me anything, it’s this: the most unforgettable stories always start with the most original titles. ***