The Things I Can’t Live Without
We’ve all got a shortlist of things we absolutely need to survive. Not the Maslow’s hierarchy basics like water or shelter or Wi-Fi, but the comforting constants that make life feel like an actual joyride and not just a slow crawl to oblivion. For me, these are the non-negotiables—the peanut butter to my jelly, the plot twists to my romantic comedy. Without them, I wouldn’t just be dramatically sighing to a sad playlist—I’d be straight up lost. Here’s what’s on my personal can't-live-without list and why they matter so much.
1. A Journal That’s More Therapy Than Notebook
Listen, I’ve tried actual therapy—and I deeply recommend it—but there’s something about furiously scribbling your thoughts into a notebook while blasting Florence + The Machine that feels very “Harper’s version of healing.” My journal has been my sounding board on everything from why a situationship ghosted me after three months (spoiler: he “wasn’t ready for a relationship”) to ambitious life goals like learning to cook something other than breakfast tacos.
Journaling forces me to stop doom-scrolling and actually process the swirling tornado of thoughts in my head. Bonus points for the way it doubles as a time capsule—because there’s a special type of cringe that comes from reading your 2017 “I think he likes me” entries.
Why It Matters: Relationships are a lot easier to navigate when you know what you’re bringing to the table emotionally. Plus, it’s cheaper than late-night venting to your best friend on FaceTime—for everyone involved.
2. The Perfect Pair of “Hot Girl But Chill” Sneakers
I firmly believe sneakers say a lot about a person’s vibe. Platforms? You’re playful. Stan Smiths? Probably date someone who drinks Negronis. Mine? They’re vintage-inspired, scuffed in all the right places, and go with everything from sundresses to those high-waisted jeans I’ve been wearing since the Obama administration.
Why are they on this list? Because nothing kills a mood faster than uncomfortable shoes. Need to power walk across town? Great. Time for an impromptu walk-and-talk evening date? Even better. My sneakers don’t just look good—they keep me ready for whatever curveball life (or an ultra-spontaneous friend) throws my way.
Why It Matters: In a world where some people still swipe right purely based on aesthetics, I like to believe that practical, dependable things never go out of style—and neither does being authentically yourself.
3. My Dad’s Handwritten Pancake Recipe
I don’t care how many artisan brunch spots Austin invents—they will never top my dad’s Sunday pancakes. Every time I whip up a batch, it’s like I’m back in our kitchen, watching him carefully measure out buttermilk while debating whether or not the Rolling Stones were overrated (he says yes; I still say no).
This recipe isn’t just comfort food; it’s family legacy. My dad wrote it down for me when I first moved out, and even though it’s written on a notecard that’s now slightly sticky around the edges, it’s beaten out every online recipe, hands down. Because love—and maybe some nostalgia—is just as important an ingredient as butter.
Why It Matters: Food isn’t just nourishment; it’s memory and connection. And relationships? They thrive on those, too.
4. That One Group Text Keeping Me (and My Sanity) Alive
Picture it: you’re two margaritas deep, sending a string of chaotic texts about someone who ended their message with “k.” Within minutes, my group chat of three childhood friends will come through with perfectly calibrated responses like:
- “Omg. He’s probably a Virgo.”
- “You deserve someone who uses punctuation!!!”
- “Want me to draft a reply for you?”
These women are my emotional support system, my hype team, and my portable therapy app in human form. And don’t even get me started on how quickly they show up when I need memes or distractions after a long day.
Why It Matters: In both love and life, I firmly believe people need people. Your person doesn’t have to be a romantic partner—it can be the friend who sends TikToks about the ick factor of men loudly chewing gum.
5. A Good Earring Collection (a.k.a. Tiny Confidence Boosters)
Call me sentimental, but different pairs of earrings hold different powers. Hoops? Flirty, confident energy. Artsy mismatched drops? Channeling my inner Zooey Deschanel. Small gold studs? Easy elegance.
My earrings do more than accessorize—they’re the armor I put on before stepping into new challenges, like first dates or mediating a conflict at work. It’s a subtle thing, but I swear they make me stand differently, speak differently, even think differently. And the best part? They’re easy to collect, meaning I can find unique local designs every time I visit Austin’s flea markets.
Why It Matters: I’m convinced the tiniest acts of self-care—like adding sparkle to your life—can have the biggest impact.
6. Live Music (and the Occasional Ugly Cry at Concerts)
This might be the most “Austin Harper” thing about me, but live music feels sacred. Whether it’s a tiny dive bar with an indie artist I once discovered on Spotify or a festival spilling over with energy, it’s one of the few places where I fully lose myself. Sharing that space—with strangers or someone you love—is its own form of intimacy.
Case in point: one of my first serious dates with an ex was seeing Shakey Graves at Mohawk. We didn’t last (he moved to Oregon for work, and long-distance wasn’t our thing), but the way those songs glued us together for those hours? Electric.
Why It Matters: Music connects us, plain and simple. And whether you’re single or tied to someone, finding shared joy is arguably the most romantic thing there is.
7. A Solid Set of Boundaries with a Side of Wit
If journals and sneakers keep me grounded, boundaries are the steel-toe boots of my emotional well-being. They took me years to figure out, but setting them has been a game changer—especially in the dating world. For example:
- Texting etiquette that says, “You can’t just hit me up at 2 a.m. and call it romance.”
- Saying no to plans that disrupt my peace.
- Stepping back from people who treat vulnerability like a one-way street.
But boundaries don’t just show up in dating. They pop up in friendships, family dynamics, and even work. The beauty is they’re equal parts armor and filter—protecting your energy while letting the right people in.
Why It Matters: Learning to honor yourself is arguably the most powerful form of self-love there is. Also, nothing screams confidence like being able to politely tell someone, thanks, but no thanks.
8. Wildflower Walks That Heal More Than My Step Count
Everyone’s got their “thing,” and mine is a good walk on Austin’s hike-and-bike trails, especially when wildflowers are in bloom. There’s just something about watching nature do its thing—totally unapologetic, wildly unique, impossibly resilient—that I find grounding. If wildflowers can survive the brutal Texas sun, surely I can navigate whatever emotional potholes life tosses my way.
It’s also one of my go-to perspective resets. Mad at someone? Walk about it. Nervous about a deadline? Walk about it. Stuck after five dates with someone who still doesn’t know your middle name? Girl, lace up your sneakers and walk about it.
Why It Matters: Nature is a cheat code for refocusing on what actually matters. And it doesn’t hurt that it’s free.
9. That One Book I Recommend to Everyone
For me, that’s bell hooks’ All About Love. I first read it after a breakup that shattered me, and it felt like bell was walking me off the edge of despair. It’s not preachy or hard to digest—it’s deeply insightful, warm, and human. Every time I revisit it, I find new takeaways, especially as my understanding of love (romantic, platonic, and otherwise) evolves.
Why It Matters: Love isn’t just a feeling—it’s an action, an intention, and, sometimes, a radical choice. This book reminds me to embrace that, even during the messiest chapters.
Conclusion
Here’s the truth about essentials: they’re deeply personal and constantly evolving. One day, it might be a physical thing, like a recipe card or a journal. Another day, it’s an emotional tool, like a boundary or that group chat you couldn’t live without. What matters most is how these things root us, help us grow, and remind us who we are—even when life (or a late-night text from someone who doesn’t deserve you) tries to throw you off course.
So here’s to the things we can’t live without—and to discovering what else belongs on the list.
