These are my obsessions: candles, rom-com soundtracks, and analyzing the subtleties of text message punctuation. Unpacking these three might make me sound frivolous, but much like my childhood habit of applying too much Bonne Bell Lip Smacker, I’ve learned to own it. These quirks are part of who I am, and—as I often remind my friends in newly cresting relationships—the little things we obsess over are necessary to understanding our bigger, more complicated selves. Let me explain.

The Candlelit Confession
It started with a sandalwood candle from some glitzy Beverly Hills boutique—that classic "this will ground you" marketing ploy. But it worked. One whiff, and I suddenly felt like I was the protagonist in a Nancy Meyers movie. (If you’re wondering, yes, candles absolutely have main character energy.) I wasn’t just lighting a wick; I was setting a tone, creating an ambience, curating mood.

What I’ve learned from my collection—which now spans everything from citrus-forward scents named after Amalfi beaches I’ve never visited to smoky woodland notes that could double as lumberjack cologne—is that the right candle can change your internal weather.

Take dating, for instance. In those thrilling but nerve-wracking early phases, a thoughtfully chosen candle can work wonders. Hosting someone at your place for the first time? A vanilla or coconut blend says "cozy and warm." A musky cedarwood? "Mysterious and intriguing." Candles are the cheat code to setting an unspoken vibe before you’ve even leaned on the conversational crutch of “So, how’s your week been?”

Tip: If your romantic interest is already eyeing your candle shelf like it’s a personality test, just own it. Say, “Oh yeah, I’m obsessed! Will I force you to smell every jar I own before dinner? Absolutely.” Trust me, self-awareness is as attractive as a diptyque jar.

Rom-Com Soundtrack Fever: How I Fell in Love with Falling in Love
I came of age during that golden era of Nora Ephron rom-coms, all sweeping cityscapes and smart banter. But the real gravitational force for me was the music—those jazzy instrumentals, wistful piano tunes, and upbeat love ballads that could make even the most ordinary drizzle feel like storybook rain. You bet I’ve danced dramatically around my kitchen to Harry Connick Jr.’s “A Wink and a Smile” a time or two.

Here's the thing about rom-com soundtracks: they remind you to romanticize your life, even if your grandest plan for the day is doing laundry. They make buying overpriced kale at the farmer’s market feel like a meet-cute waiting to happen. Most importantly, they help you stay open to love—not in the cheesy sense, but to life’s random, sweet gestures of connection.

One time, on a second date, the guy (an accountant, mind you!) nervously tried to quote When Harry Met Sally. It wasn’t perfect—but his effort and the crackling chemistry between us still made me feel like we were living inside a scene from, well, When Harry Met Sally. We got married! Just kidding. The date died out after he revealed his favorite pizza topping was anchovies, but I’ll always treasure that fleeting dance of rom-com energy.

Pro move: Make yourself a rom-com “main character” playlist. You’ll find yourself leaning into more of your story’s sweet, unscripted moments. And if nothing else, it’s excellent while fixing uneven eyeliner with three minutes to spare.

The Ellipsis Equation: The Romance of Texting
Nobody warns you about the emotional weight of the ellipsis. Three dots can say more than three thousand words ever could. A “Sure…” reply screams hesitancy, while “Can’t wait…” carries the buoyancy of a freshly uncorked prosecco. My obsession with these subtleties stems, no doubt, from years of decoding studio notes during my early Hollywood days. Who knew applying that skill set to dating would be vastly more complicated?

Take, for example, “k.” No capitalized “K” at the end of a text inherently feels cold. (Why not “Okay!” or “kk”? Anything else!) Then there’s the seemingly harmless exclamation point, which can transform “Sounds good” into the overly chipper “Sounds good!”—a response that somehow makes you question your own tone as if you’re playing passive-aggressive ping-pong.

I once dated someone who relied heavily on ellipses in every text:
Him: “Let’s meet at 7:15… or later…” — Interpret that how you will, but I took it to mean I was low-priority.
“It’s just a habit!” he claimed when I asked. But language holds power, especially in texting, where we’re all reduced to tiny screens filled with judgments and wonder.

So, while I don’t recommend overanalyzing every punctuated pause in your crush’s DMs, do take note of patterns. If they’re consistently curt, open-ended, or avoid emojis like a plague, it’s worth asking: Are they shy, or just not that into you?

Pro tip: Be playful with your texting style. Use GIFs; toss in a good, cheeky emoji here and there. Humor breaks the digital ice. And pro-pro tip? Know when to stop texting and lean into actual, face-to-face conversation. Texts can spark chemistry; they shouldn’t sustain it.

Why We Should Lean Into Our Unique Quirks
Here’s the biggest lesson my obsessions have taught me: they’re not just quirks—they’re connections. My love of candles reveals my need to create a world that feels safe and inviting. My passion for rom-com soundtracks is my devotion to hope and finding the joyful crescendos of everyday life. My fixation on text message punctuation is, admittedly, neurotic—but it’s rooted in my desire to understand others better.

Your particular obsessions might look different—maybe it’s vintage T-shirts, plants you overwater, or quoting The Office in slightly forced scenarios. But the things that make you “you” have value, even—and maybe especially—in relationships. Like I tell my friends, if someone doesn’t appreciate these little layers, they’re probably not worth making scented candle recommendations for in the first place.

So light a wick, press play on that swooning orchestral track, and send the text—with or without an ellipsis. Obsess freely. Love deeply. And always keep a playlist handy for the dramatic moments life inevitably sends your way.