There’s a saying in my family that translates to something like: “Tell me your obsessions, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what abuelita says, but the sentiment remains. What we’re into—those tiny things we geek out over—says a lot about who we are, especially in relationships. And I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking about what makes me, well, me. Here’s what I’ve realized: my obsessions aren’t just quirks; they’ve shaped how I connect with others. They give me context, stories to tell, even moments of clarity.

So, let’s unpack them, shall we? Because if your date can’t appreciate the niche corners of your soul, can they really see you?

1. Salsa and Spices: Passion Comes With a Playlist

Before I even knew what romance was, I thought love sounded a lot like Celia Cruz belting, “¡Azúcar!” My obsession with salsa music—and pretty much anything that swings to a good rhythm—was born in my family living room. And before you ask, no, not everyone who grows up Cuban knows how to dance smoothly from birth. (But shoutout to my cousins who somehow did.)

For me, salsa wasn’t just lessons in rhythm; it became a blueprint for relationships. The way two dancers connect on the floor—never stepping on the other's timing, moving with and not against, always leading or following with intent—feels as intimate as any heart-to-heart. I mean, if I can do an eight-count with you while swapping spins and still laugh when the rhythm trips us up, how can we not vibe in life?

Practical Tip: Try this in your own relationships. It doesn’t have to be salsa (although, 10/10 would recommend). Take up ballroom, or even karaoke duets. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about making mistakes together and still grooving.

2. Cuban Coffee and the Art of Pacing Relationships

If you’ve ever had real Cuban coffee, the kind that’s so strong your abuela warns you not to drink it after 3 p.m. (and you do it anyway because life’s short), you understand the art of intensity. But here’s the thing: crafting a stellar café cubano is also about balance. The bitterness of the espresso plays against the sweet espuma on top, and when it’s good, it’s perfect.

I like to think my obsession with coffee mirrors how I think relationships should unfold. Sometimes, yes, there’s that intense attraction—lightning in a cafetera—but it’s the sweetness, the intentional balancing of warmth and energy, that really matters. Without it? You’re just wired with nowhere good to go.

Story Time: I once dated someone who thought “coffee dates” had to involve big, overpriced lattes at sterile cafés. I brought him home to make cafecito, and midway through showing him how to whip sugar into the crema, he complained it felt "too complicated." That’s when I knew it wasn’t going to work. (Also, who complains about coffee being extra?)

3. Telenovela Drama Without the Gaslighting

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by a Telenovela plot twist. (If you’re not raising your hand, estás mintiendo.) Whether it was the evil twin that came out of nowhere or the long-lost lover who miraculously escaped a fiery explosion to return at the worst possible time, I grew up reveling in wild familia drama that felt larger than life.

But here’s the real takeaway: Telenovelas taught me that passion is not the same as chaos. Don’t get me wrong—I love a dramatic moment. I’m the first one to hype up a friend who’s about to do something bold in their love life. But obsession with over-the-top dramatics is not the same as embracing healthy passion. One is a slippery slope to miscommunication; the other sparks chemistry that matters.

Date Night Idea: Watch a random episode of a classic Telenovela and laugh at how ridiculous the twists are. Then use it as a launchpad to talk about your own red-flag moments or cringe-worthy dating history. Trust me, it’s a bonding experience.

4. Nostalgia in the Kitchen: Why I Judge You by Your Cooking Stories

Growing up, my Saturdays smelled like garlic sizzling in olive oil. My mom’s kitchen was a sacred place, and not just because she made the absolute best picadillo (fight me). Food isn’t just sustenance in my house—it’s pride, history, and love rolled into one bite. Imagine my surprise when I found out some people saw dinner as “just fuel.”

Here’s the deal: Cooking (or just caring about what you eat) isn’t just a hobby; it’s an act of connection. Every recipe has roots somewhere. And when you make a meal for someone, you’re inviting them to take a seat, pause the chaos of the day, and just be with you. My obsession with food means I love learning what someone else’s signature meal says about them. Because trust: whether it’s a perfect soufflé or frozen pizza assembled with flair, it reflects you.

Pro Tip: When dating, suggest cooking together—even if it’s a hot mess. Try throwing together dumplings or a far-too-complicated baked pasta. Watching someone handle kitchen-pressure and share a laugh over burnt edges is way better than pretending movies are enough to “get to know” them.

5. Stationery, Soft Focus, and Going Old-School

I’m about to expose myself here: I own an almost absurd number of notebooks. Some are elegant leather-bound journals. Others have gold foil pineapples and quotes like, “Serious Writer Energy.” Why? Because I’m completely enamored with the magic of hand-written anything. Letters, lists, paper-trail apologies–you name it.

In dating, I think this translates into my love for tangible gestures. Sure, you can text me that you’re thinking about me, but give me a sticky note with a dumb doodle you passed across the table, or write me a postcard from a place that reminded you of us, and you might just secure my eternal swoon.

Idea Vault: Lean into this romantic niche. Try writing your person short “love notes”—even if it’s dorky. Mine once just said, “You left your hoodie. It smells like cologne and I’m keeping it.” Effort counts more than eloquence.

Embracing the Quirks That Make You, You

Whether it’s the way you alphabetize your bookshelves, your useless-but-charming fascination with weird historical facts (yes, I’ll listen to your monologue about the invention of Post-Its), or the playlist you make for every season, your quirks are everything. My obsessions taught me how to connect deeply with myself—and those connections translate beautifully into relationships. Because the better you can love what lights you up, the better you can show up for someone else, fully you.

Now go forth and embrace your quirks. Bonus points if they involve danceable music, burnt edges on baked goods, or a really solid love letter.