An Octopus Taught Me More About Love Than My Last Relationship Ever Did
Let me take you back to a warm September evening in La Jolla, where the shoreline glows pink, and the tide sweeps in secrets from the deep. I was knee-deep in my favorite tide pool—an iridescent pocket of stillness—when I spotted an octopus. At first, I thought it was just another blob of kelp or a rock pretending to be interesting. But then it moved, slowly unfurling itself, and I audibly gasped, startling a passing couple out on their pre-dinner ‘Gram session.
Now, this wasn’t just “an octopus.” It was the octopus—a feisty, caramel-and-copper beauty that shifted colors like a moody fashionista. It captivated me in a way I hadn’t been since a Jack Johnson acoustic set in high school. What I didn’t realize at the time was how much this tiny, extraordinary creature would teach me about the dance of human relationships. Hold your skepticism for now—it’s coming.
Camouflage and Connection: The First Dates Dilemma
Octopuses are masters of disguise, blending effortlessly into their surroundings without losing sight of their identity. Sound like anyone you know? You. It’s absolutely you on that first date at the trendy wine bar, arguing with yourself over whether to exaggerate your knowledge of natural wines or play it cool because, apparently, dry Riesling is polarizing. It’s also me, showing up five minutes early, pretending I’m not evaluating how many decorative throw pillows they have at home based on their shoes. Spoiler: Flip-flops say a lot.
What my cephalopod muse taught me is that there’s beauty in knowing when to blend and when to shine. Relationships often start with small gestures—matching energies, finding common ground—but they deepen with vulnerability. You don’t need to color-shift into someone else entirely just to fit in. And hey, maybe the real flex is seeing someone look past your camouflage and spot who you really are.
Eight Arms, Eight Lessons: Independence Is Sexy
Octopuses have three hearts, blue blood, and a fiercely solitary streak that screams, “I don’t need anyone to plankton-splain life to me.” (Not a joke—they literally raise themselves. Beyoncé wishes.) Watching this octopus dart in and out of crevices with confidence reminded me just how essential independence is, even in the warm glow of a burgeoning relationship.
You know that thrill of texting your best friend post-date, debating if you should go “full interested” or “play it casual”? (Spoiler alert—just text back.) Independence doesn’t mean playing aloof; it’s about maintaining the hobbies, passions, and quirks that make you you. Go on weekly surf dates with your bestie. Bake those questionable paleo muffins. Volunteer at that animal rescue. Your partner will likely be drawn to your fullness as a person—not your willingness to cancel Pilates just because they wanted Friday-night tacos.
The Messy Magic of Adaptability
Picture this: An octopus’ entire body, including its brain—because yes, they’re that flexible—contorts to fit into impossibly tight spaces. I once watched a clip of one squeezing through a tiny hole in the panel of a fishing boat. Now, I’m not saying you should twist yourself into metaphorical knots for someone who only texts “sup” at midnight. No, no. But relationships, much like tide pools, demand a little flexibility.
Case in point: That time I agreed to backpack Maui’s Hana Highway with a surfer I briefly dated, even though my idea of “vacation” typically involves a chaise lounge and SPF 50. Turns out, bending—not breaking—pushed me outside my comfort zone in the best way possible. Whether it’s compromising on the playlist during a road trip or learning to love (or at least tolerate) your partner’s weird obsession with true crime shows, adaptability keeps relationships moving (and thriving) when currents get tricky.
The Art of Letting Go
Here’s a not-so-fun fact: after mating, female octopuses stop eating, devote themselves to nurturing their eggs, and ultimately pass away. I know, it’s brutal and way too Greek tragedy, but stick with me—it won’t get dark. This fascinating, bittersweet piece of octopus biology became a quiet metaphor for learning when to let go.
Not all relationships—or even crushes—are meant to last. There’s value in giving your all to something, even if it’s fleeting, and even more value in freeing yourself when it no longer nurtures you back. Letting go doesn’t always mean "endurance failure"; sometimes, it means making room for something better. (Side note: If you’re looking for signs to text your ex, this isn’t it. Put the phone down.)
Actionable Takeaways (Because You Knew There’d Be Bullets)
-
Camouflage With a Purpose, Not Permanence
Be willing to adapt, but don’t bury your quirks. Wise octo-energy involves finding someone who loves your wildly genuine self—tide pool and all. -
Stay Independent, Always
Make time for non-negotiables that light you up. You deserve to be a whole person, not half of some Instagram couple you secretly judge. -
Be Open to Weird Situations
Trust me, “weird” can be the birthplace of magic. Whether it’s attending their overly niche craft brewing meetup or skydiving (on purpose?), embrace the unexpected. -
Learn When to Release
It’s okay to invest in temporary moments. Closure doesn’t make those fleeting connections any less beautiful.
Zooming Out: Lessons With Tentacles
Standing in that tide pool, I watched my octopus companion swirl away into the dusk-colored waters of coastal La Jolla. It struck me just how much love and relationships mimic the tides—they rise, they recede, but they always leave something behind, some bit of magic for those willing to truly look.
Love might not always make sense, and dating certainly comes with its fair share of cringeworthy moments. But in between the awkward pauses and the accidental typos (“see you there” not “three,” for the love of feta), there’s so much to learn if you show up with open curiosity.
So the next time you’re out navigating the complex sea of modern connection, channel a little octopus energy. Be flexible. Stay fiercely independent. Embrace the impermanence of it all. And promise me this—you’ll let yourself shine, even when you feel like blending in. After all, the right person will know you’re a pearl in the tide pool—just waiting to be found.
