I was minding my business on the Orange Line, the train rattling its way down to Midway, when it happened: the conversation that changed how I see relationships forever.

Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood for life lessons. It was that sticky kind of summer day when the city smells like hot asphalt and lake water, and my only mission was to avoid eye contact and survive the ride. That’s when he boarded—a man with salt-and-pepper dreadlocks, a faded Bulls cap, and an energy that was somehow both magnetic and calming. He plopped down across from me like we’d been friends since ‘95 and said, “What you’re lookin’ for is never where you think it is.”

I blinked. Was I giving off lost puppy vibes? Did I drop something? Before I could figure out what this stranger saw in my slightly sweaty, headphone-wearing self, he launched into the most unexpected pep talk I’ve ever received. And somewhere between Roosevelt and Halsted, his words started making a whole lot of sense.

Love (and Lessons) in Transit

First, let me provide some context. I’d just ended a relationship that could best be described as “two seasons of a canceled Netflix show.” You know the vibes: good idea on paper, questionable execution, and an ending that left you confused and mildly annoyed. While I wasn’t outright wallowing, I was definitely stuck in that post-breakup haze, overanalyzing past texts and mentally replaying arguments. My friends insisted I “focus on myself,” but no one ever explains how you’re supposed to do that without sounding like an R&B ballad.

Enter my train philosopher.

“Most people are fishing in the wrong pond,” he said, his tone so casual you’d think we were discussing the weather. “You keep going for what looks good, what sparkles, right? Ever stop to think about why you want it? If it’s really for you?”

I could feel half the train staring at us—Chicagoans are low-key nosy but won’t admit it. Still, I was intrigued. Truthfully, I’d been riding a current of “sparkly things.” The last person I dated had the kind of charisma you’d bottle up and sell on Instagram, but the substance? Thin as CTA coffee. Yet I kept convincing myself the shine was enough to excuse the mess. Meet someone who makes you laugh—and also forget your own boundaries—and suddenly you’re gaslighting yourself into thinking it’s love.

The Bodega vs. Boutique Theory

The stranger gave me a knowing look, like he saw right through me. And then he said something that stuck: “The thing about glass diamonds is they start to look real…until the sun hits ‘em. Stop falling for what’s easy to grab. You wanna find love? Stop shopping at the trendy boutique and go to the bodega.”

I laughed out loud at the metaphor, earning a side-eye from the woman seated next to me. But stick with me here: what he meant was that the best connections aren’t always the flashy, curated ones that seem perfect at first glance. Real love can be messy or come from unexpected places. Sometimes, it doesn’t start on a mountaintop—it starts in the back aisle of life’s proverbial corner store, quietly waiting to be noticed.

He was right. So often, we frame relationships like they’re Instagram grids rather than real, gritty partnerships. We chase the aesthetics: the photogenic dates, the next-level banter in text threads, someone who makes us feel like the “main character.” But what happens when the veneer chips away? When the “spark” gives way to the daily grind of showing up—flaws and all? A boutique life might look good in theory, but a bodega connection builds its foundation on the essentials.

Building for Substance, Not Style

As he spoke, I started reflecting on the kind of love I’d been pursuing. Too often, we approach relationships with the urgency of a flash sale—grabbing what looks good without checking if it even fits. But relationships worth holding on to don’t just “happen.” They’re built with intention and patience, two things I’d been skipping like veggies on my plate.

So how do you stop yourself from falling into the sparkle trap? Here are a few takeaways the stranger unwittingly dropped, CTA-wisdom-style:

  • Check Your "Why": Start asking yourself why you’re pursuing certain connections or getting stuck on certain people. Is it because they genuinely add to your life, or are you chasing a feeling they represent? Attraction is important, sure, but it’s not the whole puzzle.
  • Slow It Down: Remind yourself that you don’t have to rush. Relationships are not limited-time offers (despite what social media might make you believe). The goal isn’t just to find someone but to find someone right for you.
  • Look for Depth, Not Just Drama: The healthiest relationships won’t always feel like a rom-com screenplay. Consistency is way less exciting than chaos, but trust me—it’s also way more rewarding.
  • Be Open to the Unexpected: Maybe “bodega love” means saying yes to someone a little outside your usual “type.” Don’t underestimate what you could find in the everyday, low-key spaces of your life.

Wisdom in the Wild

By the time the train pulled into Ashland, the stranger gave me a parting smile and said, “Look alive out there. Not everyone’s got the guts to truly see you.” Then, like some sort of love Jedi, he disappeared into the hot chaos of a Chicago summer afternoon.

I sat there for a moment, stunned by how this stranger had managed to drop so many truths in one CTA ride. It wasn’t just what he said—it was the way he said it, no judgment, no agenda. He reminded me of the kind of storytelling I’ve always loved—the kind Gwendolyn Brooks or James Baldwin would spin—with a hint of everyday magic and community wisdom baked in.

The thing is, sometimes we need an outsider’s perspective to shake loose the lessons we already know deep down. When you hold a mirror close for too long, all you see is smudges. But that stranger’s words shifted something in how I view myself and, more importantly, how I approach relationships.

A Lesson Worth Carrying

Now, months later, I’ve had some time to unpack those CTA nuggets of wisdom. What stayed with me most is the idea of choosing substance over style, intention over impulse. My dating life isn’t a streamlined process (whose is?), but I’m no longer looking for sparkles. I’m looking for the soft glow that lasts.

And here’s the takeaway I want to leave you with: The love you’re looking for might not come gift-wrapped in Instagram filters and grand gestures. It might arrive on an ordinary Wednesday, through unexpected conversations or in people who challenge your idea of “your type.” Be open to where it meets you. Sometimes, what lasts isn’t what’s curated—it’s what’s real.

So keep your heart—and maybe an earbud or two—open. You never know who’ll teach you a lesson on the next stop.