Do you ever feel like someone’s going to jump out from behind the metaphorical curtain of your life and yell, “Just kidding! You don’t belong here”? That, my friend, is impostor syndrome—a sneaky, persistent little voice in your head telling you you’re faking it, no matter how qualified or accomplished you are. It’s the same voice that gets louder when you're trying to navigate relationships. Whether it's wondering if you’re “good enough” for someone or feeling like you’ll be exposed for not knowing what you’re doing, self-doubt can hit harder than a salty Atlantic wave ramming your knees.

The good news? That voice doesn’t own the narrative—it’s just part of it. Overcoming impostor syndrome isn’t about silencing your doubts entirely. It’s about learning to live with them while stepping into your own power. Here’s how I fumbled my way from a chronic second-guesser to confidently—well, mostly—owning every inch of myself.

The Beachfront Café of Self-Doubt
Let me set the scene: I grew up on the Grand Strand, surrounded by tourists flocking to our little family café. As a kid, I loved watching my parents in their element—serving sweet tea to regulars, laughing with new visitors, and running the kind of warm, welcoming space that made people want to linger. But me? I stuck to clearing tables and scooping ice cream because the idea of actual interaction with strangers made my face hotter than July sand. What if I got something wrong? What if people could tell I didn’t belong at the center of things?

Fast forward to adulthood. That same self-doubt crept into everything. Applying for jobs? Hello, fraud complex—don’t mind me as I reread my résumé 17 times before hitting send. Writing my debut novel? Had a whole love affair with the delete key, convinced my words weren’t good enough. Dating? Let’s just say I spent way too much time overthinking emojis in texts, sure I’d somehow messed things up. (Pro tip: Sending a single “haha” instead of “hahaha” is not the dealbreaker your anxious brain makes it out to be.)

Recognizing the Impostor Voice
The first step in squashing impostor syndrome is learning to recognize it for what it is—a loud, annoying distortion of reality. Impostor voice thrives on a handy little tactic called catastrophizing. Haven’t heard back after a date? Clearly, they’ve realized you’re a total fraud. Your partner offers to handle the dishes? Obviously, it’s because they’re secretly keeping score. (Spoiler: Neither situation is true.)

Take a moment to pause when those thoughts creep in. Ask yourself if there’s actual evidence for what your inner critic is telling you—or if it’s just spinning fiction. Nine times out of 10, it’s the latter.

Shifting from Faking It to Owning It
Here’s the thing: Confidence doesn’t come from doing everything perfectly. It comes from doing things imperfectly and realizing the world won’t implode. If dating and relationships were a game of perfection, we’d all be disqualified on day one.

So how do you move from insecure to self-assured? Start by embracing the messy, unpolished version of yourself. For me, that looked like walking into a first date without rehearsing conversation topics like a scripted Broadway show. It meant sharing things I was passionate about—and being okay if someone didn’t get them. (If a guy wasn’t into my love for Southern coastal literature or thought kayaking at sunrise was “too much,” then maybe he wasn’t my guy.)

Here’s what I learned: Confidence has a magnetic way of speaking louder than self-doubt. When you show up as yourself—yes, quirks and all—you give others permission to do the same. People aren’t drawn to perfection; they’re drawn to authenticity.

Practical Tips to Level Up Your Confidence

  • Start with Small Wins: Whether it’s asking someone out, setting a boundary, or communicating a need, build momentum by tackling tiny goals that feel just outside your comfort zone. Each “win” rewires your brain to see yourself as capable and worthy.
  • Track Your Achievements: Keep a journal of moments you’ve felt proud of, whether in relationships or otherwise. Reread it anytime the impostor voice rears its head.
  • Rewrite the Script: Challenge negative self-talk with a reframe. Instead of, “I don’t bring anything special to a relationship,” try, “I have so much love and perspective to share, and the right person will value that.”
  • Lean on Your Circle: Impostor syndrome thrives in isolation. Share your feelings with a trusted friend or loved one who can remind you of your worth when you forget it.
  • Remember You’re More Than One Role: Whether you’re a partner, friend, sibling, or beach-chair conversationalist, you’re too multifaceted to let doubt in one area define your entire identity.

Celebrating Progress Along the Shoreline
You’re not going to wake up one morning as a sparkling, doubt-free self-help guru. And honestly, who would want to? Imperfect people are interesting; they’re relatable. I still have days when the old impostor voice whispers that I’m winging it at work or in love. Case in point: Whenever I write about relationships, my brain offers a helpful internal critique that goes, “Hey, what makes you an expert, Kaylee?”

But here’s the truth—most of us aren’t “experts.” And we don’t need to be. We learn by living, loving, and, yes, floundering spectacularly now and then. Self-doubt may try to pick apart your progress, but it can also serve as a reminder: It means you care. It means you’re challenging yourself.

Stepping into your role—whether it’s as a partner, a friend, or simply the main character of your own story—isn’t about perfection. It’s about honoring the full spectrum of who you are. One day, you’ll look back on the moments that felt messy and think, Wow, what a transformation.

And you will have made it, not because you never doubted yourself, but because you stopped letting doubt steal the show. Now, go on and own your story. You’re more than enough to do it justice.