Do you know that feeling when you’re seated at a fancy dinner, and the waiter brings out a dish with ten syllables in its French name, and suddenly, you forget how to use utensils? That’s impostor syndrome. It sneaks in, whispers, “You don’t belong here,” and then watches gleefully as you fumble your fork like a baby giraffe learning to walk. Whether at work, in relationships, or even when figuring out who you are in this ever-complex life, self-doubt has a real knack for showing up uninvited. But the good news? It doesn’t have to stay.
I know that voice all too well. On the surface, I’ve had every reason to give my inner critic the boot. Loving parents? Check. Great education? Yep. Some pretty cool stamps on my passport? Indeed. Yet, for years, I struggled to embrace my own worth. And no matter how many wins I racked up, I’d find myself mentally moving the goalpost, convinced that everyone else had figured out the secret sauce of life while I was floundering in a sea of “What if I fail?”
But growth, my friends, doesn’t play nice with impostor syndrome. Slowly, step by awkward step, I learned to silence that unhelpful inner voice, embraced what I bring to the table, and transformed from a self-doubter into someone who owns her expertise. So, how did I do it? Let me take you on a journey.
Act One: The Great Pretender
There I was at Howard University—a wide-eyed Dallas girl with a closet full of cowboy boots, surrounded by outspoken, brilliant minds who could quote Baldwin and Morrison without skipping a beat. I felt like I’d snuck into the cool kids’ house party and any minute now, someone was going to ask me to leave. Every essay, every class discussion came with a sinking worry: What if they figure out I’m faking it?
The romance department wasn’t any kinder. I had a knack for overanalyzing every text message (“What does ‘Sounds good!’ really mean?”) while secretly doubting my charm. I’d catch myself measuring my worth through crooked yardsticks—glammed-up Instagram posts and rom-coms where relationships just happen without the messy middle. Even now, the comparison game can creep in if I’m not vigilant. But the first tip? Comparison is the quickest thief of self-worth. So, stop handing it the keys!
The Turning Point: Getting Real About Doubt
When I transitioned from political speechwriting to writing my own stories, I carried that same old impostor baggage. Something about creating my own work felt riskier—more personal. I was no longer telling someone else’s story; I was telling my own. Every rejection email felt like a neon sign confirming my worst fears: “Maybe you’re not cut out for this.”
And then one day, my mentor said something so simple, it changed everything: “It’s not about faking confidence—it’s about showing up anyway.” It clicked. Impostor syndrome doesn’t vanish with one Ted Talk or an inspirational Post-it. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and the goal isn’t to become fearless. It’s to move forward despite the fear.
Shushing Your Inner Critic: Real Tips That Actually Work
Ready to give your doubt a good talking-to? Here’s what helped me—and might just help you, too:
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Rewrite the Narrative
Impostor syndrome thrives on skewed storytelling. If you’re fixated on the one thing you didn’t do perfectly, zoom out. Name three wins from the day, even the tiny ones (survived another team Zoom call? Nailed the perfect level of oat milk in your latte?). You’re more than your mistakes. -
Keep Receipts
Create a “hype folder.” Anytime someone compliments your work, sends a kind email, or leaves glowing feedback, save it. On tougher days, it’s an instant reminder that you’re not just capable—you’re impactful. Trust me, that glowing review is a far better reflection of your talent than the unsolicited opinions from your inner Gremlin (or a random troll on Twitter). -
Treat Doubt Like a Nosy Aunt
You know the one—the relative who asks if you’ve gained weight or if you’re really still single. In many ways, doubt functions the same way. Acknowledge its presence, but don’t set a place for it at the table. “Thanks for your input. I’ll take it from here.” -
Surround Yourself with Expanders
Spend more time with people who expand your vision of what’s possible—mentors, friends, even strangers on YouTube who’ve walked a similar path. Once I stopped idolizing perfection and learned how others had stumbled and still succeeded, I saw my own struggle differently. We admire singers who’ve hit a high note—but no one talks about the voice cracks it takes to get there.
From Shaky to Steady: Progress Isn't Linear
A few years ago, I was invited to speak at a literary conference in front of a crowd that included seasoned, Pulitzer Prize-winning authors. It had all the makings of a panic attack waiting to happen. But instead of wallowing in self-doubt, I decided to lean into the discomfort. I prepped as best as I could, practiced my talk in front of my best friend (who rewarded me with wine and pizza after), and hit the stage. And you know what? I didn’t bomb. In fact, I walked off that stage and realized: sometimes, the only way to feel worthy is to act like you do until your brain catches up.
That’s the thing about growth—it doesn’t come with fireworks announcing its arrival. It sneaks up on you quietly, in moments where you notice, “Hey, I didn’t second-guess myself this time.”
Own It, Don’t Overthink It
Impostor syndrome loves to thrive in moments of vulnerability—new job, new relationship dynamic, new city, even trying a cycle class where you’re definitely pedaling off-beat. What separates impostors from experts isn’t talent; it’s a willingness to fully embrace being a beginner first. Like learning to salsa dance, missteps are not just expected—they’re required.
The next time self-doubt barges in like an overbearing wedding guest, remind yourself: You’ve been here for a reason. You’re worthy of pulling up a chair to the table. And if anyone makes you second-guess that, even if it’s your own thoughts, kindly ask them to scoot over. This table’s got room for growth, and you’re not getting up anytime soon.
So go ahead. Write that story. Pitch that idea. Say yes to the scary but wildly exciting thing. It’s okay if you’re nervous. Expertise isn’t born out of perfection; it’s built through persistence.
Now, fork in hand, dig into life like it’s your favorite soufflé.
