I. The Voice in Your Head Is Not the Expert in the Room
There’s an old saying in the South: “Even a hog can look up at the stars, but that doesn’t mean he belongs to the sky.” It stuck with me growing up in Texas, mostly because it captures how I felt every time I tried to step into something new—whether it was my first public speaking gig, my first day as a teacher, or, honestly, my first boyfriend. My internal monologue was ruthless: “Who do you think you are?” It’s that classic impostor syndrome whisper, shaking your confidence in rooms you’ve rightfully earned your place in. Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: self-doubt is sneaky. Sometimes, it feels like being the awkward plus-one at a party. You’ve got your drink, you’re nodding along, and you’re hoping no one notices you don’t feel like you belong. But that feeling? It’s lying to you. Everyone at the party is too busy wondering if they remembered to say something cool to notice you left your metaphorical name tag at the door.

I’ll admit: it took me some time (and therapy—and a lot of Luther Vandross on repeat) to confront my own mental party crasher. And now? I can tell you that impostor syndrome doesn’t disappear—it just learns how to take a seat at the back of the room while you take the mic.

II. Understanding the “Why” Behind Self-Doubt
First, let’s level-set: impostor syndrome doesn’t show up out of nowhere. Most of us can trace it back to a specific “Why.” Maybe it’s growing up in spaces where you were underrepresented. For me, being a gay Black man in a small Texas town came with its fair share of “you don’t belong here” moments. Some external, some internal. Carry that enough years, and you develop an instinctual urge to check the exits before you dare feel too comfortable.

Maybe your “Why” has nothing to do with identity but everything to do with perfectionism—that unrelenting pressure to have every move choreographed like a Beyoncé halftime performance, no room for a misstep. Or perhaps it’s because you’re taking on a challenge bigger than anything you’ve done before. (Spoiler: that’s when growth happens, whether you feel “ready” or not.)

Here’s the takeaway: knowing your “Why” gives you perspective. It helps you spot when that self-doubt isn’t coming from truth but from tired old narratives that stopped serving you long ago.

III. Fake It? Nah, Learn to Face It
You’ve probably heard the “Fake it till you make it” advice thrown around. It’s fine on the surface—until, of course, your “faking” starts feeling less like empowerment and more like fraudulence. (See also: hosting game night and lying about having read the Monopoly instructions.) So instead of faking it, I’d rather advocate for this: Face it till you embrace it. What do I mean by that?

  1. Pause and Name the Feeling
    When self-doubt creeps in, stop and acknowledge it. It’s not weakness to admit, “I’m feeling out of my depth here.” The trick is to separate the feeling from fact. Just because you feel unqualified doesn’t mean you are. (Seriously, imposter syndrome has a whole hobby of lying for sport.)

  2. Reframe “Not Knowing Everything” as a Strength
    Think about the smartest, most interesting person you know. Odds are, they’ve mastered the art of saying, “I don’t know” without flinching. Being willing to learn, ask questions, and stay curious? Those are signs of leadership, not weakness. And anyway, curiosity is way cooler than being a know-it-all. Would you rather go on a date with someone who’s read all Wikipedia or someone who’s open to teaching and learning all the weird, wonderful stuff life throws at you? Exactly.

  3. Find Your Receipts
    One of the best ways to quiet self-doubt is to wave your metaphorical CVS receipt of accomplishments in its face. List out the wins—big or small—anytime you feel your confidence wobble. Maybe it’s that you crushed your last work presentation, or maybe it’s that you finally kept succulents alive for a whole year. Wins are wins, honey.

IV. Real-Life Adventures in Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
Let me take you back to my first writing workshop. It was in a bright room at a community center in Houston, and on the sign-in sheet in front of me were some Big Names. Award winners. Writers I’d followed for years. Then there was me, with no fancy accolades and just a few blog posts to my name. The doubt was deafening. My brain hissed: “You don’t deserve to be here.”

But here’s what I’ve learned about spaces like that: you are there because you’re meant to be there. Someone read my story and believed it was worthy of a seat at the table. The day I stopped letting that doubt mutter in my ear, I realized something else—it wasn’t just about what I could learn from them. It was also about what I could bring to the table. (Spoiler: It’s always more than you think.)

And the best part? Taking up space doesn’t diminish anyone else’s greatness. It just makes the room feel bigger. Like when a Luther song comes on at a party, and suddenly everyone’s on their feet, singing along.

V. Tips for Living Your Expertise with Confidence
So, you’re ready to tell that impostor voice to sit down? Good. Here are a few ways to start living into your expertise.

  • Document Your Growth
    Keep a journal, a folder on your desktop, or even just an ongoing note on your phone of things you’ve done well. Not only is it a handy confidence boost on a bad day, but it’s also a reminder of how far you’ve come.

  • Surround Yourself with Cheerleaders
    Find your people—friends, mentors, co-workers—who will remind you of your worth, especially when you can’t see it yourself. I’ll never forget when a friend told me, “Marc, the only thing you’re faking is forgetting how talented you are.” Get someone like that in your corner.

  • Don’t Confuse Criticism for Truth
    Did every person who’s ever doubted you write the book on your life? Didn’t think so. Listen to constructive feedback but don’t give power to voices that only tear you down. As my mom likes to say, “If they’re not paying your light bill, why are you sitting in the dark over their opinion?”

VI. Embrace the Expert You Already Are
Here’s the secret no one tells you: the people you admire most? At some point, they’ve wrestled with impostor syndrome too. Oprah. Viola Davis. Hell, even Beyoncé (though I suspect she squash-buckles her doubt faster than most).

But what those people mastered wasn’t a lack of self-doubt—it was moving forward despite it. Deciding their seat at the table was nonnegotiable. Quieting the voice that says, “You can’t,” and amplifying the truth that says, “You can.”

So go ahead. Take that mic. Show up for the opportunities you’ve worked for. Because if I learned anything from Luther Vandross: sometimes you don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room—you just need to sing boldly in your own.

Now, go shine, honey. There’s no impostor here, just somebody ready to make the world catch up to your brilliance.