The Unromantic Picnic: When Love Meets Lagos Rain
Picture this: It’s a breezy Sunday in Lagos, and I’m buzzing with excitement. The plan? A picture-perfect picnic date with my boyfriend at the time—let’s call him Tade. I’d spent weeks daydreaming about how effortlessly romantic it was going to be. You know, the type of scenes you’d find in Nollywood’s softer movies: checkered picnic blankets, chilled Zobo drinks, and lazy laughter floating in the air. In my head, we were starring in our very own “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,” West African edition.
Tade and I had been dating for four months, riding the high of that early-stage romance where everything feels poetic. This picnic was supposed to be our “level-up” date—a step towards defining the vibe of our relationship outside the buzz of Lagos traffic. But Lagos, being Lagos, had other plans. If you’ve ever lived in this city, you’d know that weather forecasts are about as reliable as your jollof pot not burning when you “step out briefly.”
And so began a comedy of errors that was less “romantic getaway” and more “murphy’s law in motion.”
The Setup: Love and Logistics
I didn’t just plan a picnic; I planned the picnic. I took my time curating every detail like I was auditioning to be a food stylist for Bon Appétit. I packed smoked turkey sandwiches, puff-puff (because no Nigerian event is complete without puff-puff), and fresh mango slices. For drinks, I had Tade’s favorite Chapman chilled to perfection in a makeshift cooler I’d borrowed from my teenage cousins.
We chose a quiet spot at Lekki Conservation Centre—not quite the French countryside but close enough if you squinted hard and ignored the hum of BRT buses in the distance. I had visions of us lounging under a tree, coyly brushing hands as we shared bites and exchanged “sweet nothings.” Maybe even a kiss stolen beneath the shade. I told my sisters, “If this picnic goes well, I might just marry this man.”
Act 1: The Rain and Ruin
By the time we arrived, the clouds were looking suspiciously grey, but I brushed it off. What’s a little drizzle, right? WRONG. Lagos rain doesn’t drizzle. Lagos rain storms. Out of nowhere, the skies opened up like some Nollywood director shouted “Action!” without giving us a script.
We tried to soldier through it at first. Tade clumsily held an umbrella over my head while I clutched the basket like a lifeline. But the rain had other motives—our “cute couple moment” dissolved into frantic scrambling as the wind turned the umbrella inside out.
Reality check: Am I really trying to save a half-soggy picnic blanket while dodging streams of water that made even the agamas scuttle for cover? Yes, yes I was. And I was NOT winning.
Act 2: The Animal Intrusion
As if the elements weren’t chaotic enough, nature decided to throw me another curveball. We’d set up dangerously close to some monkey territory, a detail I didn’t consider when mapping out this “genius” date idea. With the rain dampening everything—and my spirit—one particularly audacious monkey saw an opening. It swooped in, grabbed half the puff-puff container, and sprinted off like a mischievous toddler on a sugar high.
And look, Tade tried to be heroic. He really did. But what was he supposed to do? Wrestle a monkey in the mud over fried dough?
There we stood, two fully grown adults, drenched head to toe, watching a monkey feast on what was supposed to be our celebratory dessert.
Act 3: The (Not-So-Great) Escape
Deciding we’d had enough humiliation for a day, we packed up as best we could and ran for safety. Except, my stylish (read: impractical) sneakers made the dash impossible. Cue an epic faceplant—a very undignified flailing into a muddy pothole.
Tade, bless his heart, tried to pull me up, slipping in the process, and we both just sat there laughing. At this point, what else could we do? It wasn’t romantic, but I’ll admit there was something slightly comforting about our shared absurdity. For a moment, it felt like an inside joke no one else could quite understand.
With the puff-puff gone, my Chapman diluted by rainwater, and our picnic blanket smeared in muck, we ended the “date” at a buka nearby. Swapping sweet sandwiches for amala and ewedu felt like defeat, but honestly, nothing heals quite like turn-up stew.
Lessons from Lugubrious Lagos
Looking back, I cringe-laugh every time I think of that day. But in the spirit of all the motivational quotes flooding Instagram, let’s turn this catastrophe into a teachable moment. Dating never goes exactly how you imagine—and honestly, that’s often the beauty of it. Here’s what I learned:
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Leave Perfection at the Door:
We all crave magical moments, but the best ones often happen when we loosen our death grip on the “perfect plan.” Real relationships are messy, awkward, and sometimes rain-soaked disasters. Lean into it. -
Flexibility is Attractive:
Nothing bonds two people quite like the ability to laugh through chaos together. Tade became infinitely more attractive when, instead of sulking, he threw his arms up in surrender and said, “Let’s eat our sorrows with amala.” Flexibility is a spice every relationship needs. -
Date Within Your Reality:
A picnic may look stunning in the curated Instagram videos, but in humid, unpredictable Lagos weather, it’s braver than necessary. Next time, I’ll plan a date that factors in the city’s quirks – think waterfront dinners with covered canopies or live jazz indoors. -
Be Open to Plan Bs:
When the puff-puff is gone (stolen by monkeys or otherwise), pivot. Amala and laughter might not have been in the plan, but they salvaged what could’ve been a write-off day. Learning to pivot is a skill in love and life.
Mud, Monkeys, and Moving On
Though Tade and I eventually went our separate ways, I still think of that ridiculous picnic fondly. For all its chaos, it taught me to embrace the imperfect moments that make people—and relationships—real.
The next time life—or a date—throws a monkey into your puff-puff plans, ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen? Sometimes, the best stories come from the biggest misadventures. Who knows? That buka pit stop might just be the sweet spot where love (or at least good food) finds you.
