Opening the Bottle: Finding Connection Through What We Stand For

Picture this: it’s a quiet evening, and you’ve just uncorked a bottle of wine. As you pour, the notes of blackberry and oak linger in the air, promising complexity and richness. But just as wine tells a story about its origin—where it came from, how it was cultivated, and the care that went into its creation—so do we. In love, in relationships, and even in the mundane moments of our lives, what we stand for shapes every connection we make. It’s the invisible foundation of who we are, and if we don’t let others see it, how can we expect anyone to appreciate all the flavors we bring to the table?

Let me share a little bit of my story, because what I stand for—the ingredients that make me me—has shaped how I approach love, life, and the beautiful mess in between. Spoiler alert: it’s as much about saying what you don’t stand for as it is about crafting the life and connections you want.

Roots Run Deep: Stand by Your Authenticity

Growing up in Napa Valley was like living in a postcard. Rolling vineyards as far as the eye could see, candlelit family dinners with fresh sourdough and glimmering glasses of rosé—it was magical. But beyond the romance of the scenery, my parents taught me something that stuck: authenticity.

As sommeliers, they lived by the rule that great wine doesn’t need to pretend. You don’t trick someone into tasting quality—either it’s there, or it isn’t. And isn’t that just the same for people? Authenticity is magnetic because it’s rare. It’s why I’ve always felt that playing games in dating—holding back to seem elusive or crafting facades—cheapens the experience. Why offer someone a watered-down house blend when you know deep down you’re a complex vintage?

To stand for authenticity means showing up as you are, quirks and all. Case in point: I once spent an entire first date chatting about how to pair Côtes du Rhône with Taco Bell. Was it an unorthodox topic? Sure. Did I scare him off? Maybe. But we laughed, and I was myself—genuinely, unapologetically—a little bit of Napa snob and a whole lot of laid-back foodie. It may not have worked out romantically, but it left no room for regret because I didn’t pretend to be someone else.

Quick Pour Tip for Your Life: Vulnerability is your secret weapon. People connect with humanity, not perfection. Whether it’s admitting you still haven’t watched a single episode of Game of Thrones (me!) or DMing someone about their sourdough starter obsession, authenticity always beats tailored perfection.

Know Your Tannins: Stand for Boundaries

If wine taught me anything besides which cheeses make bad decisions forgivable, it’s this: balance is everything. A wine with too much tannin is astringent, almost punishing. Without enough, it feels flat, forgettable. The parallel in relationships? Boundaries.

When I was younger, I saw compromise as simplicity—smoothing differences over for the sake of peace, letting someone else’s preferences become my own. There was a guy I dated who—and I cannot stress this enough—despised eating out. For someone raised in Yountville, home of Michelin-star restaurants on every corner, this was a soul-crushing discovery. Still, I abandoned a ritual I loved to accommodate his dislike for anything beyond takeout pizza. Over time, our relationship felt as diluted as box wine slapped with a fancy label.

The tasteless truth? When you weaken your edges to fit into someone else’s bottle, no one gets to enjoy your full flavor. I learned to stand by my right to say, “This is what I need—and unapologetically so.” It doesn’t mean you’re unwilling to adapt, but that you won’t erase yourself in the process.

Practice Setting Boundaries Gently: - Start small: “I’m okay with sharing dessert, but the crème brûlée is mine.” - Say how you feel without accusing: “It means a lot to me to try new restaurants. Can we make that part of our dates?” - Be consistent: Boundaries only work when you honor them yourself.

Life’s too short for watered-down connections. Set the boundaries that let you—and your relationships—thrive.

The Perfect Blend: Stand for Soulful Compatibility

Love, like wine, is as much chemistry as choice. And oh, how tempting it is to focus on fleeting sparks—those effervescent early moments of pining and passion, like popping Champagne. But true compatibility is the result of something deeper, the kind of blend that lingers long after the initial bubbles fade.

When I returned from a dreamy semester abroad in Paris, drunk not just on Bordeaux but on the effortless romanticism of the culture, I thought love should feel like that first taste of Sancerre—crisp, exhilarating, overwhelming in the best way. I chased the high, mistaking surface-level attraction for something more lasting. Truthfully, I ignored the details that mattered. Did we enjoy the same conversational rhythm? Were our values aligned? Did I feel truly seen?

Spoiler alert: fizz fades fast without depth to carry it. Now, I look at love as I do great wine pairings: complementary at the core, yet unique on its own. There’s room for individuality and shared experiences. My soulmate doesn’t have to geek out over wine tannins as deeply as I do, but he’d better appreciate my excitement over a really good bottle.

Soulful Compatibility Snapshot:
- Find someone who lets shared passions deepen naturally rather than performatively.
- Respect each other’s individuality, even if their idea of a great evening is a football game and yours is charcuterie and classic jazz.
- Be honest: Do they add effervescence to your life, or are you just hoping the bubbles stick around?

A Full Glass Always: Stand for Optimism

There’s something comforting about the ritual of decanting—a patient waiting for something to open up, to show its truest self over time. That’s how I’ve come to think about hope in the chaos of dating and relationships.

Stand for optimism, not in a Hallmark-card kind of way, but in the belief that even when things fall apart, they’re still teaching us something valuable. The awkward first dates, the heartbreaks, the text threads left on “read”—they’re all part of the bouquet. They shape us, and when we embrace the lessons, they soften the edges of bitterness into something beautiful.

How to Stay Upbeat in Dating (with Wine Logic): - Think of missteps as palate cleansers: clearing space for flavors (or people) that truly fit your life.
- Your worth isn’t tied to someone’s lack of appreciation for it. You’re a $200 bottle of Barolo; not everyone will know what they’re tasting.
- Stay curious. You’ll try a lot of bad grapes before you find the vintage worth cherishing—but oh, when you do, the wait is intoxicating.

The Grand Finish

Standing for something—whether it’s authenticity, boundaries, soulful connections, or hope—grounds you in a world that often feels chaotic and uncertain. It’s a declaration to yourself and the people around you: This is who I am, take it or leave it.

So, the next time you find yourself wondering why connection feels so elusive, remember that you, like a great wine, already have all the makings of something remarkable. Stand by the truth of your unique blend, and life will give you every reason to raise a glass—to love, to growth, and to yourself.

Cheers to standing tall, loving well, and embracing the journey, one glass at a time.