Drawing Strength from the Pieces: The Art of Rebuilding After a Breakup

There’s no sugar-coating it—breakups can knock the wind right out of us. Whether it’s the mutual drifting apart of a long-term relationship or a blindsiding text from someone you thought you’d marry, the aftermath feels a lot like standing in the middle of the Plaza de Armas after a sudden earthquake. Everything is the same, yet completely different, and you’re left wondering how to rebuild when the ground beneath you feels so unstable. The urge may be to “move on” like nothing happened, but trust me: rushing the process is like trying to tape a wineglass back together. It spills everywhere, and—spoiler—it’s still broken.

Here’s the truth: breakups aren’t just endings; they’re also beginnings. Painful, messy, sometimes absurd beginnings, but beginnings nonetheless. What you do with this blank canvas you never asked for is entirely up to you. So, take my hand (figuratively, because we’re on the internet), and let’s figure it out together—step by step, piece by piece.

The Immediate Aftermath: Embrace the Desmadre

First things first: let’s normalize the chaos. In the days right after a breakup, expect the emotional equivalent of a telenovela marathon. Tears will flow like the Maipo River during rainy season. You might eat an entire loaf of sourdough bread dipped in Nutella at 2 a.m. Or maybe you’ll do the opposite and swear you’ll never eat again (spoiler: you will).

¡Qué importa! It’s okay to be a mess right now. Give yourself permission to grieve without judgment. One particularly spectacular breakup of mine involved me walking aimlessly through Parque Forestal in a rainstorm like I was auditioning for a Lana Del Rey music video. It wasn’t graceful or practical, but it felt cathartic.

Here’s what helped:
- Cry when you need to (yes, even in public).
- Nap liberally. Sleep has a way of smoothing the jagged edges of heartbreak.
- Journal it out. Even if you just write, “I hate them, I hate them, I hate them,” fifty times.

The point of this phase isn’t to “fix” yourself or find silver linings—it’s to feel and process. Think of it like emptying a cluttered closet before you can reorganize it.

Reclaiming Your Space: Marie Kondo Your Memories

At some point, you’re going to have to deal with the ex-shaped landmines scattered around your life. The hoodie they left on your couch that still smells like their cologne. The Spotify playlist you made together for Sunday morning breakfasts. That bottle of bourbon you swore you’d save for “a special occasion.”

Friend, it’s time to clean house. Literally.

Ask yourself, "Does this bring me joy or bring me down?" If it inspires a sad spiral into Instagram-stalking their new “just a friend,” into the junk drawer it goes—at least for now. This isn’t about pretending the relationship didn’t exist, but about creating room for yourself again. So, light your favorite candle, crank up some Shakira (her breakup album didn’t lie), and transform your space into a shrine to your own fabulous self.

If the emotional clutter feels like too much, recruit your best friend for emotional support. I made my cousin Pilar sit beside me while I deleted old photos from my phone. “Why did you take so many pictures of his cat’s toes?” she asked, shaking her head. Reader, she was right.

Rebuilding YOU: Start Small

You’ve heard the phrase “back to basics,” but post-breakup life often calls for “back to baby steps.” Now’s the time to rediscover the simple joys that have nothing to do with anyone else but you. It doesn’t have to be something grand like backpacking through Patagonia (although, hey, if that’s an option, go for it)—sometimes, it’s as small as ordering your favorite desayuno or revisiting a childhood hobby.

Here’s what worked for me:
- Cooking a meal for myself. I learned to make pastel de choclo for one. Life hack: you don’t need a relationship to enjoy comfort food.
- Taking a “just because walk.” There’s something poetic about getting lost in your own city, sipping coffee from a street vendor as you let your thoughts wander.
- Choosing one small self-care ritual. For me, it was buying a fancy face mask and calling it my “healing armor.”

Every little action adds up. You might not even notice the changes at first, but over time, they’ll give you a sense of control again—one step at a time.

Lessons Learn... But No Pressure to Learn Them Now

Ah, the dreaded “You’re going to grow from this” narrative. And you will, eventually—but right now, let’s not treat heartbreak like a TED Talk waiting to happen. Some lessons take years to fully crystallize, and that’s okay. You don’t have to wring meaning from every painful moment while you’re still licking your wounds.

That said, when you’re ready, breakups can be incredible teachers. One past relationship taught me that I thrived when I felt intellectually challenged (a wake-up call for someone who once dated a guy because he “had nice forearms”—rookie mistake). Another taught me that compromising too much was just a glorified way of losing myself.

For now, remember this: the “you” that came out of this breakup is still worthy—flaws, scars, Nutella crumbs, and all.

Reclaiming Joy: The Art of Living Again

At some point, maybe weeks later, maybe months, the grief will loosen its grip. This is your cue to find things that light you up again. Think of this part as the sequel to your life, except this time, you’re the star, the director, and the screenwriter.

Here’s how to get started:
- Reconnect with friends: The ones you accidentally ghosted because you were so wrapped up in coupledom.
- Treat yourself to something extravagant: A trip, a new pair of boots, a ridiculous spa day—whatever feels indulgent.
- Fall in love with art: Whether it’s filling your playlist with sad-girl songs by Mon Laferte or binge-watching every season of “Love Is Blind” (comparing your ex’s decision-making skills to Shayne’s is wildly therapeutic).

It may feel strange to embrace joy after something as heavy as heartbreak. Do it anyway. Life moves forward, even if it drags you kicking and screaming in the beginning.

You’ve Got This

Here’s the thing about breakups: they stink. There’s no way around it. But they also give you the chance to become a mosaic of yourself—a little different than before, sure, but often more complex, beautiful, and strong. You are not broken; you’re rebuilding, and every day, you’re adding another piece.

So here’s my advice: take the Nutella, take the lessons, take the time, and take heart. Each little step will get you closer to where you’re meant to be. And who knows? When you look back at this one day, you might just marvel at how far you’ve come.