The moment happened just as I was midway through swiping on yet another profile—a guy holding a fish (why?), then someone in sunglasses so dark they looked like the Terminator, then… bam. My thumb froze mid-air, not because I’d found The One but because I was hit by the realization: I hated everything about this. Not just the fish (though seriously, let’s talk about that), not just the endless parade of filtered selfies, but the glaring truth that my own profile was just as uninspired. It was like trying to sell a house on a dating app with zero curb appeal.

That was the day it hit me: if I wanted real connections, I had to start by being real myself. No more generic taglines like “Looking for someone who can make me laugh” or pretending I suddenly loved hiking because everyone else in Vegas seemed to be posing on Red Rock trails. Instead, I decided to focus on writing the most “me” profile I could. In many ways, this shifted how I saw dating—and also how I saw myself. It was the moment that changed everything, and it fundamentally shaped the way I approach relationships.

So, if you’re cringing at your own profile or stuck in the online-dating hamster wheel, here are some hard-earned tips I wish I’d known when I was rebranding myself on the apps.

Be the Main Character, Not the Background Extra

The biggest mistake I made (and, let’s be honest, the one we all make) was trying to please the mythical “everyone” while losing myself in the process. My original bio read like a shadow puppet of who I really was: “Love trying new restaurants, big fan of Netflix binges, and always up for an adventure.” Yawn. It wasn’t until I conjured my theater-kid roots—and the showbiz sparkle I inherited from growing up backstage in Vegas—that my profile stopped blending in and started standing out.

Here’s the thing: your profile isn’t just an online résumé; it’s a trailer for the movie of your life. Make people want to see the full feature film. If your bio could describe literally anyone, it’s time to rewrite. Instead of saying “I love books and good conversation,” try:

  • “Currently working on my goal to finish one book for every bottle of rosé I drink this year. Open to recommendations for either.”
  • Or “Ask me about the time a Shakespearean actor mistakenly flirted with me in a pub. Spoiler: I thought he was performing a monologue.”

Specificity makes you memorable. It’s the difference between “meh” and that “whoa” swipe.

Ditch the Checklist, Channel the Vibes

Confession: I used to have a mental checklist when scrolling through profiles. Over 6’0? Check. Dog lover? Check. Sturdy enough to carry all my Target purchases to the car? Check. But somewhere along the way, I realized checking boxes doesn’t necessarily make for compatible matches. (Any Vegas local can tell you—just because something looks good on paper doesn’t mean it’ll hold up in the desert heat.)

Rather than obsessing over someone else’s stats, focus your energy on the vibe you want to share. Swap out the laundry list of “looking for someone funny, kind, and ambitious” with details about your energy. For example:

  • “I need someone who understands that sometimes, the best dinner is popcorn and martinis while debating which Bond movie was most ridiculous.”
  • Or “The perfect date: jam session on our road trip playlist before indulging in way-too-fancy dessert after hiking badly (but enthusiastically).”

This approach invites people to see themselves in your story instead of just ticking off traits.

Photos Are Your Co-Stars, Not Props

Okay, we need to talk about dating app photos. Specifically, your headshot lineup. If your first image is just echoing what everyone else is doing (cue the gym mirror selfie or overly filtered snap at a nightclub), it’s time for a glow-up. Growing up in Vegas gave me an insider’s perspective to know people LOVE an aesthetic. So why should your profile pics be any different?

Here’s the photo recipe that finally worked for me:

  1. The Warm Lead: A smiley, approachable photo that looks like it could double as the cover for a memoir called “Don’t Worry, I’m Actually Really Fun in Person.”
  2. Show Me the Life: A photo of you doing something you love. For me, this included painting a theatrical set for a community play. Maybe for you, it’s baking croissants or walking your tabby cat on a leash—own it!
  3. One Bold Move: Something unexpected or quirky—a vintage-inspired outfit by neon lights, your backstage pass from a concert, or your chaotic dog mid-zoomies.

Pro tip: Group photos are fine, but only if they’re limited. Relationships might be built on community, but let’s put YOU front and center first, okay?

Flirty, Not Thirsty

Oh, we need to unpack bios and opening lines. The pressure! Back when I was revamping my approach, I fell into the trap of overthinking everything—like auditioning for a role I wasn’t quite convinced I could play. But flirting, whether in person or online, is really just about leaving the door open for curiosity.

The best opening lines aren’t pick-up lines. They’re invitations.
Instead of: “Hey, how’s it going?” (guaranteed crickets)
Try: “I saw your pic at that taco truck. Is it really life-changing, or did I just add it to my to-eat list for no reason?”

This not only gives them something to respond to but also nudges you both toward something playful and interesting. You’re setting the tone for how fun you are to talk to while keeping it casual.

Everybody Loves a Late-Night Plot Twist

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from writing—and from living—is this: relationships, much like stories, love a good twist. So if you’re stuck or feel like you’ve plateaued in the dating world, don’t be afraid to flip the script. That day when I realized my profile was bland? It wasn’t just about rewriting words—it was about taking ownership of my authenticity.

When I leaned into the unpolished, slightly eccentric storyteller in me (the one who still remembers the smell of stage makeup and felt most alive with Sinatra on the record player), I started getting responses that felt like actual sparks, not empty gestures.

You’re Always the Prize—Remember That

Here’s the heart of it: the key to transforming your dating app or profile isn’t just about attracting others—it’s about attracting the right others. The ones who see your quirks and kick their feet back excitedly into the pool to dive deeper. Building a profile that reflects who you are isn’t just practical advice; it’s also a sneaky way to remind yourself, in your own words, that you’ve got something pretty great going on.

Connection isn’t instant. It’s like Vegas at night—it warms up slowly, one light at a time, until the glittering skyline becomes unforgettable. So don’t cheat yourself by pretending to be someone you’re not. Swipe boldly, write honestly, and stay true to the starring role only you can play.

Now, go forth, rewrite, and reclaim your spotlight.