What I Stand For
When I was a little girl in Abuja, sitting cross-legged in my grandmother’s sunlit courtyard, I learned something that still shapes how I see the world: love is a verb. My grandmother—wise, sharp, and always clutching a bowl of freshly roasted groundnuts—would remind us that love isn’t just about how you feel; it’s about what you do. “Your heart,” she would say in Yoruba, “isn’t loud enough. It needs your hands, your voice, your actions to speak for it.”
Fast forward a few decades, a couple of heartbreaks, and more romantic entanglements than I care to admit, and I’ve come to understand just how right she was. Love, in all its forms—romantic, familial, platonic—is the thread woven through everything I write. But it’s love that’s intentional, honest, and alive with action. Here’s what I stand for, and how it guides my work (and, let’s face it, my life):
1. Authenticity: Love Without the Filters
Life is not an Instagram highlight reel, and neither are relationships. If you’ve ever scrolled through couples’ photos with the perfectly coordinated outfits, laughing mid-spin in some scenic spot, you might think everyone’s relationship is a fairy tale. Spoiler: it’s not.
Here’s the thing—authenticity isn’t about showing off every fight, every awkward misunderstanding, or the way your partner chews (too loudly) in the middle of your favorite Netflix drama. It’s about being real with yourself first.
When I was living in Lagos during my undergrad, I dated someone who looked perfect on paper. We ticked all the “good match” boxes. Chemistry? Sure. Families liked each other? Check. Shared future goals? Big tick. But deep down, I knew we worked harder at looking happy in public than actually finding joy in private. I was scared to admit it wasn’t working, because it felt like admitting I’d failed at something.
Authenticity means asking yourself the hard questions: Do I feel seen here? Do I feel like I can share all my messy edges without fear? When you build a connection on truth—unfiltered, raw truth—it doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means everything is real. And I’d pick “real” over “perfect” any day.
2. Courage: The Backbone of Love
Every great love story—whether it’s romantic or the sweet, soul-enriching friendships you develop over the years—requires courage. Courage to say yes when the timing feels inconvenient. Courage to say no when something (or someone) isn’t for you. Let’s just acknowledge that rejecting someone kindly is its own sport. Nobody enjoys ripping the bandage off, but leading someone on out of fear of confrontation? That’s a disservice to both of you.
I’ll never forget my long, dusty bus journey from Senegal to South Africa for NGO work years ago. Somewhere between Dakar and Cape Town, I met someone who made my insides do cartwheels. We lived thousands of miles apart, and my heart played tug-of-war with my head. Ultimately, I was scared to move forward, scared I’d lose my footing while building a career I cared deeply about. Spoiler alert: I chose stability, and while I don’t regret my choice, I learned the bravery required to leap for love—and sometimes, to let it go gracefully.
The most courageous thing you can do in love is figure out what you want, unapologetically pursue it, and release fear of judgment.
3. Community: No One Falls in Love Alone
In my culture, love doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s not just about two people—your community is part of the equation, whether you like it or not. Back home in Nigeria, family introductions during courtship feel like an Olympic event. Aunties will offer unsolicited advice (and often, a detailed critique of your suitor’s posture and plate-clearing habits). Friends might weigh in like celebrity judges on a reality TV show. As much as we roll our eyes at some of it, there’s something beautiful in this shared investment in your happiness.
Love thrives with the right kind of support—a circle of people rooting for you, offering wisdom from their own experiences. But just as important in this journey is knowing when to set boundaries. Not every voice deserves a seat at your table. I once had a well-meaning friend who felt the need to play devil’s advocate in nearly every relationship I was in. While I valued her perspective, it became clear she planted doubts more than support. Keeping love alive requires careful editing of the inputs you allow in.
So, surround yourself with people who care about your happiness—on your terms, not theirs.
4. Humor: The Glue That Holds It All Together
If I’ve learned one thing, it’s this: humor will save you. When my then-partner forgot my birthday because he was binge-watching all five (!) seasons of “Breaking Bad,” humor saved us from a full-blown argument. (Spoiler: I forgave him after he delivered a wildly dramatic apology speech peppered with Walter White references.) Relationships are hard; humor makes them lighter.
My dad, who’s been married to my mum for over three decades, loves to say, “Marriage is about laughing through arguments, or you’ll cry through good times.” Humor reminds you not to take yourself—or life—too seriously. Whether it’s a disastrous first date story or creating inside jokes with your person, laughter softens the edges of love and deepens the bond.
5. Growth: The North Star
Here’s the thing about relationships: they will expose you. Like onions—and Beyoncé—you’ll have layers, and not all of them smell great when peeled back. Love will show you your insecurities, force you to confront your flaws, and teach you resilience. Learning who you are when it’s just you is important; learning who you are when you’re with someone is revelatory.
I think back to one of my more formative relationships in London, where the constant clash of cultural expectations felt like two gears grinding without oil. He taught me what compromise really means—it’s not about giving up who you are but rather learning where you can stretch to create something even more beautiful than what you started with. We didn’t end up together, but I became a better version of myself in that relationship. And isn’t that what it’s all about?
A Love Manifesto: Intentional, Brave, and Joyful
If love were a dance, I like to think mine is choreographed somewhere between an Afrobeat groove and an old-school, slow Nigerian highlife. It’s joyful, purposeful, meant to flow, but definitely prone to the occasional misstep.
What I stand for is simple: love that’s rooted in authenticity, strengthened by courage, nourished by community, softened by humor, and shaped by growth. And it applies to every kind of relationship—not just the romantic ones.
If you take away anything from this, let it be this small yet profound truth: act out your love—through words, through care, through actions. Build it intentionally like it’s the most worthwhile thing you’ll ever create. Because, well…it is.
