From Humble Roots to Defining Your Journey

Stepping into a new chapter can often feel like a leap—and sometimes, like an awkward stumble in too-tight shoes. But what if I told you that embracing where you’ve come from is the secret sauce to where you’re headed? Like a Sunday gumbo cooked low and slow, every ingredient of your past matters in crafting the richness of who you are today. My journey from Charleston to where I am now is proof that extraordinary starts with ordinary—and that’s exactly why I’m here to help you own your unique path to connection. Let’s dive into how owning your roots can turn even the messiest moments into magic.

Humble Beginnings: A Lowcountry Love Song

I grew up in a house where stories were currency. My grandparents, Gullah Geechee elders, could spin tales so vividly you’d swear you heard the oak trees dripping in Spanish moss chiming in. Whether it was about my great-uncle courting my great-aunt with a dog-eared poetry book, or how someone “accidentally” turned a fishing trip into a first date, every story had layers—humor, heart, vulnerability.

That’s the same energy relationships need today: deeply rooted but never boring, traditional with a twist. When I set out to build my career, first as a writer steeped in Southern identity and now as someone unearthing the complexities of modern romance, I realized how much my upbringing had prepared me. After all, what’s dating but a series of stories waiting to be told? Some are laugh-out-loud funny, like the time I tried oysters (read: spat them out) on a first date. Others are tender reminders of how we grow beyond our edges. Wherever you're starting—whether it's from the comfortable known or the slightly intimidating unknown—is your goldmine.

Own Your Ordinary—and Make It Extraordinary

When I first started writing professionally, I had what some folks might call “imposter syndrome,” though my grandma would’ve labeled it “stop acting brand new.” I didn’t feel as polished as my Spelman peers or worldly like my Columbia colleagues. My everyday life felt too quiet, too Southern, too... ordinary. But the more I leaned into that—writing about Charleston waterways, family reunions with cousins who sing off-key, and the resilience woven into the fabric of my upbringing—the more my work resonated. Guess what? The same thing is true when it comes to relationships.

Your version of extraordinary doesn’t come from trying to be someone else—it comes from sharpening what’s already there. That awkward sense of humor? Could carry a conversation on Spotify Wrapped playlists. That love for obscure hobbies? Might connect you to someone just as nerdy about breadmaking or fantasy football. That big, close-knit family you sometimes take for granted? Story gold, trust me.

Here’s how to start embracing your ordinary for extraordinary results:
- Celebrate Your Quirks: Everyone gets tired of polished fronts. If your ideal Saturday night is rewatching your comfort series (mine is Living Single, obviously), say that. Quirks build curiosity.
- Reframe Your "Flaws": Ever feel like your small-town background isn’t “cool”? Honey, the world is full of people craving something earnest and unpretentious. Be their oasis.
- Tell Better Stories: Turn the facts of your life into vivid tales. Don’t just say you like food—talk about that time you burned pancakes attempting breakfast-in-bed.

Mistakes that Teach You (and Make You Laugh)

If you’re navigating this whole self-discovery thing right now, let me save you some heartache: perfection is overrated. I can recall one of my first dates in New York City—a high-stakes dinner where I overcompensated with SAT-level vocabulary (spoiler: it’s hard to sound endearing when you’re rambling about “ontological curiosity”). We never made it to a second date, but I learned this: authenticity beats pretense every time. Like my mom says, “You can’t fake forever.”

Mistakes, whether in dating or life, are hilarious in hindsight because they remind you what not to take too seriously. Action Steps:
1. Learn the Lesson, Laugh at the Rest: Missteps are proof you’re trying.
2. Stop Performing: You’re not auditioning; you’re connecting.
3. Give Second Dates a Chance: First dates rarely show the full spectrum of who someone is. Sometimes you’re not extraordinary at first glance, and neither are they. That’s okay.

Building Your Legacy in Relationships

Centuries of Gullah Geechee storytelling taught me this: what you share, you pass down. And that’s true whether we’re talking family traditions or the energy you bring into relationships. At their best, connections are about creating something bigger than two people.

What does “legacy in relationships” actually look like? For me, it comes down to how I show up—fully grounded in my past, while making room for what’s next. It’s the friend who knows my quirks but also sees my quiet storms. It’s the partner who doesn’t just hear my laughter but also my doubts and joys, out loud.

To cultivate that depth:
- Ask the Right Questions: (Hint: skip “What’s your job?”) Try: “What’s a risk you’ve taken that changed everything?”
- Be Multifaceted: Show up as both the witty companion and the person who can sit quietly and listen.
- Focus on Substance, Not Flash: The most extraordinary connections often grow out of the simplest seeds—like shared warmth over a cup of tea or midnight stargazing with zero filters.

Empowered Ends, New Beginnings

If I’ve learned one thing—from Charleston porches to New York rooftops—it’s this: no one starts extraordinary. But when you trust yourself enough to say, “This is me, and I am enough,” you make love (and life) extraordinary, against all odds.

So here’s your permission slip to start messy, small, or imperfect. Take every awkward misstep, every lesson learned, and turn them into the foundation of a masterpiece meant to be uniquely yours. The ordinary you? Completely irresistible—just wait until you really start listening.

Now go ahead: rewrite your story, and make it extraordinary.