Curiosity gets a bad rap sometimes. Blame it on that old saying about the cat (who, incidentally, probably got bored hanging out in the same sunny patch and went sniffing around something interesting). But if we’re being honest, curiosity does far more for us than it ever does to us. It’s the cornerstone of adventure, the spark of connection, and, more often than we realize, the secret to stumbling into the best stories of our lives.

When it comes to relationships, curiosity isn’t just a nice-to-have trait. It’s the unsung hero that leads us to unexpected places—both within ourselves and with each other. And if you’re rolling your eyes thinking, “Great, another cutesy anecdote about finding love,” don’t worry. This isn’t that kind of story. Well, not entirely. This is about leaning into curiosity—flaws, awkward moments, and all—and seeing where it takes you. Trust me, it’s worth the risk.

Sailboats, Small Talk, and a First Date for the Ages

My mother used to say that summer regattas were as much about the chatter onshore as they were about the boats offshore. And while she wasn’t wrong (pro tip: want to know the best local gossip? Hang around a lobster bake), it wasn’t until my twenties that I found myself in a social situation where curiosity went from being a polite skill to a downright life raft.

I was at a casual dinner party, an otherwise dull affair where everyone seemed to be discussing rising property taxes and the merits of shingling your roof with reclaimed wood. Riveting stuff. That was when I overheard someone—let’s call him Sailboat Guy—talking about a harrowing trip he’d had crossing Casco Bay in a storm. Normally, I would’ve smiled politely and shuffled into the background (classic New Englander behavior), but something nudged me to ask him to recount the entire story.

Four hours later, we’d swapped tales of near-mishaps on the water, debated the best chowder joints from Bar Harbor to Boston, and somehow ended up planning a date sailing across Penobscot Bay. Spoiler alert: the date went phenomenally, despite the fact that I didn’t know port from starboard. (Hint: left and right would’ve sufficed.)

Even though that romance didn’t turn into something lifelong, it taught me something even better—that asking questions and letting curiosity steer the ship can take you places you’d never go otherwise. It’s the antidote to small talk, people! Lean in. Ask “What happened next?” or “Why did you do that?” You just might end up on a sailboat with a stranger-turned-beau, remembering that life is better when it feels just the slightest bit unscripted.

The Gift of Discovering the Unexpected

Curiosity isn’t just the engine of good first dates or new friendships—it’s also what keeps existing relationships from feeling like they’re trapped in a rerun. I once wrote a piece about Maine’s shipbuilding traditions, and part of my research involved visiting a dockyard that still uses century-old techniques. Watching modern craftsmen tackle ancient blueprints reminded me of something many of us easily forget: just because you’ve “seen it all” doesn’t mean there’s nothing left to discover.

The same goes for people. No matter how long you’ve known someone, there’s always something you haven’t learned yet. Years ago, I found myself in a lull with a close friend. We were ticking the usual friendship boxes—weekly catch-ups, commiserations over bad dates, the occasional girls’ night. But something felt flat. Then one evening, while nursing lukewarm margaritas in my kitchen, I asked her if there was something in her life she’d always wanted to do but hadn’t told anyone about.

She looked at me like I’d grown two heads, laughed nervously, and said, “Own my own alpaca farm.” Not only was this hilariously unexpected, but it rekindled our connection and led to months of wild brainstorming about business plans, rugs, and sweaters. We never did buy those alpacas (…yet), but the experience reminded me why curiosity isn’t just nice; it’s necessary to keep the spark alive even in platonic relationships.

Everyday Ways to Flex Your Curiosity Muscle

Curiosity doesn’t always come naturally, especially in our fast-paced, filter-everything world. But like any muscle, it gets stronger with practice. If you’re ready to add a little more wonder to your life—and maybe even stumble into your own Sailboat Guy moment—try this:

  • Forget familiarity for a moment. The next time you’re meeting someone new, don’t fall into the “Where are you from/What do you do” shuffle of questions. Instead, try asking something a little more out of the blue, like, “What’s the best story you’ve ever been told?” or “If your life were a playlist, what song would be the intro?”
  • Cultivate a beginner’s mindset. Whether it’s learning how to cook something other than boxed pasta or signing up for a pottery class, stepping outside your comfort zone isn’t just an act of bravery. It’s a one-way ticket to new experiences (and, let’s be honest, some hilarious failures).
  • Channel a nosy aunt energy (minus the snark). When someone close to you drops a seemingly mundane detail—like how they recently watched an obscure documentary or tried their hand at knitting—resist the urge to nod politely and move on. Instead, lob question after question at them. You’d be surprised where the conversation might lead.
  • Spend time in “but why?” mode. Remember that phase kids go through when they ask “Why?” after literally everything? Adopt that mantra from time to time, whether you’re exploring a new city or revisiting a long-familiar neighborhood. Why is that coffee shop painted teal? Why does the bookstore owner love poetry? Why is the ocean salty? Sometimes, one question is all it takes to find wonder where you least expect it.

Curiosity Is Connection

At its heart, curiosity is a gift. It’s a kindness you give to others—your willingness to truly see and hear them. And in turn, it’s the mechanism that helps you grow as well. Because if you never venture beyond the safe, the predictable, the “I already know this,” you risk missing out on all the wild, wonderful unknowns that make life richer and relationships deeper.

So, here’s my parting thought: Do something curious today. Ask the embarrassing question. Wander into the charming bookstore. Say “yes” to an invitation you would normally pass. Who knows? It might just lead to alpacas—or at least a fun story to tell at your next lobster bake.