The Habit That Saved Me


It wasn’t one of those dramatic, mountain-top revelations. No burning bushes, no angelic choirs bursting forth from the clouds. Just me, staring into the mirror of my parents’ Nantucket inn, realizing I was becoming…a one-man lighthouse. Strong, steady, reliable—and completely stagnant. If my love life were a weather pattern, it was the kind of fog that hugged the coast: thick, confusing, and entirely avoidable if you were smart enough to stay on the mainland.

The truth? I was stuck. Stuck in a cycle of dating that wasn’t bringing me any closer to the meaningful, adventurous connection I’d been chasing since leaving Boston behind. But everything changed when I made one small adjustment—a habit so simple it might seem laughable. Yet, this tiny shift saved me, my romantic life, and, dare I say, my sense of self in the process.


Anchors Away: The Trap of Overthinking

Here’s the thing about growing up on an island steeped in history: we’re excellent at preserving things. I’m not just talking about old ships and handwritten whaling logs; I mean the art of staying exactly where you are, emotionally speaking. My approach to dating had become an extension of this, a mindset of keeping my sails down for fear of stormy seas.

You see, I was overthinking everything. Was I being too forward? Was I funny enough (or, heaven forbid, too much like my dad’s corny “dad jokes” about shipwrecks)? Should I wait three days to text back, or was that officially relegated to rom-com rules of the early 2000s? I became my own worst harbor master, scrutinizing every move until there was no wind left in the sails.

Sound familiar? Perhaps your overthinking takes a different shape: scrolling through text messages with a group of friends like they’re analysts at NASA, breaking down every typo for hidden meaning. Or maybe you’ve spent more time tinkering with your “perfect” dating profile than actually, you know, talking to another human. Overthinking feels like control, but really, it’s the loveless purgatory of pirates guarding an empty treasure chest.


Set Sail: The One-Minute Rule That Changed Everything

One rainy morning (because all good stories begin on a gray, windswept day), I was halfway through a coffee mug-sized existential crisis when I stumbled upon something unexpected in a maritime diary. It wasn’t some philosophical insight about love or destiny; it was a reference to sailors working within “minutes that mattered.” Evidently, early mariners kept themselves steady in tumultuous waters by focusing on what they could manage in sixty seconds or less. Intrigued by this notion of condensed purpose, I decided to apply it to my life—romantic waters included.

The One-Minute Rule. It sounds dangerously like the kind of self-help wisdom you’d find blazoned on Pinterest, but its magic lies in beautiful simplicity: if I couldn’t make a decision about something in sixty seconds, I wasn’t allowed to obsess over it for the rest of the day. Text someone back? Done in under a minute. Decide to suggest a second date? Sixty seconds, and I made the call. If it took longer than a minute to process, I let it go.

Within weeks, something shifted. I realized that half the doubts I usually felt about my interactions were just unnecessary backlash from my own mind. The One-Minute Rule created space—not in a lonely, faraway planet sense, but the kind of space where good things could grow: clear, intentional, and unburdened.


Mileage in the Metaphor: What It Taught Me About Dating

Why did this habit work so well? Let me put it this way: good relationships—and even the path to them—are like finely-tuned schooners. They’re built to move, not to linger dormant in a widow’s walk fantasy of perfection. The One-Minute Rule reminded me to trust the winds of instinct, rather than anchoring myself in stormy what-ifs.

Here are just a few things this new habit helped me discover:

  • You Can’t Chart Every Course. Over-preparing doesn’t leave you better equipped for the journey; it just ensures you never leave the dock. Dates, texts, and connections thrive on authenticity, not a rehearsed list of questions guaranteed to make you seem “spontaneous.” Take the leap.

  • Your Gut is Smarter Than You Think. I spent years thinking I needed to double-check every instinct. The truth is, your subconscious knows a lot more than you give it credit for. The person sitting across from you at dinner? You probably know within a few minutes if you’re vibing. Trust that initial “small spark feeling,” and don’t keep second-guessing the glow.

  • Anything More Than a Minute is Overkill. The key to healthy flirting or date-night banter is lightness. When you spend hours analyzing what you “should have said,” you’re squeezing the joy out of connection. Remember, laughter and warmth are born in uncalculated moments.


A Lesson from the Lighthouse

Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying you should ignore red flags or be reckless with your heart. There’s wisdom in pausing, evaluating, and seeking advice when it’s clear there’s a deeper issue at play. But when the only storm is the one you’ve conjured in your mind, the best thing to do is push forward and trust the waters.

Maritime metaphors aside (if I’ve lost you here, I promise I’m nearly done), I’d liken this to the lighthouse I grew up near on Nantucket’s shores. Its job wasn’t to micromanage the water but to offer a steady light. For years, I tried to guide every encounter in life like I was orchestrating a symphony of unachievable expectations. By adopting the One-Minute Rule, I became less like the overbearing lighthouse keeper shouting from a distance. Instead, I let myself be the light guiding my own way out of patterns I didn’t need to repeat.


Drop the Anchor: How to Make It Work for You

Not ready to trust your instincts completely? Start small. Here’s how:

  1. Define Your “60-Second Situations.” Texting someone? Saying yes (or no) to a second date? Whether it’s big or small, commit to making decisions quickly and moving on. No ruminating allowed.

  2. Create Accountability. Share your One-Minute Rule with a close friend—not for approval but for a bit of healthy motivation. This isn’t about airing group chats for validation. It’s about having people who cheer you on as you step outside your comfort zone.

  3. Embrace the “Messy, Perfectly Imperfect” Outcome. Dating isn’t supposed to be flawless. Relish the charm in slips of the tongue, mistimed jokes, or knock-your-salad-onto-the-floor kind of moments. These are the most human parts of the interaction.

  4. Repeat Until It Feels Natural. Habits take practice, so don’t stress if it feels foreign initially. The magic lies in the ease that builds over time.


The Lasting Spark

The funny thing about setting boundaries within your own mind is that it opens up space for honest connections. Once, years ago, I stood at the edge of Nantucket’s bluff late at night, watching those steady waves and realizing I wanted adventure. The kind where I wasn’t just waiting for someone to step into my idyllic, centuries-old storybook, but where I could move forward—swiftly, boldly, with confidence in my own choices.

This habit saved me not just in dating but in the way I approached relationships as a whole. Remember, friends, you can’t steer a ship by staring endlessly at the map. Sometimes you just have to pick a direction…and let yourself sail.