Where Did All the Good Communicators Go?
The Vanishing Art of Saying What You Mean
If Beyoncé is right and girls do, in fact, run the world, can we all agree that effective communication runs relationships? Texts left on read, vague “what are we?” chats, or the dreaded, “let’s just see how things go for now” have made it feel like good communicators belong in a museum—extinct and precious relics. But here’s the truth: they’re not missing. We’ve just stopped training for it. Think of communication like a muscle, and for some of us, it’s been skipping leg day for years.
So, let’s dissect this together. Why does it feel impossible to find connections with people who know how to say what they mean? And, hey—are you one of the people who maybe has room for improvement? It’s okay. This isn’t the blame game; this is the glow-up session your love life has been begging for.
Mixed Signals Aren’t Sexy—They’re a Cop-Out
Have you ever been two weeks into texting someone and still have no clue if they’re into you or just love talking about their new air fryer? One moment they’re dropping three-heart emojis, and the next, they’re replying “LOL” to something worthy of a snort-laugh.
Mixed signals are the modern dating plague because they make detachment seem cool. But the reality? They’re a mask for fear of vulnerability. Saying “I like you” puts you out there. Saying “I’m not feeling this” risks confrontation. People would rather leave you emotionally breadcrumbed than endure one slightly awkward but honorable moment of honesty.
The real flex? Being bold enough to mean what you say and say what you mean. "Are we talking or talking?” might seem like a scary sentence to drop, but I promise—having clarity will feel better than whatever limbo you’re in now.
How to Break Free of the Mixed-Signal Spiral:
- If something feels off, ask for clarity. Being upfront will scare the wrong people away, and that’s a win.
- Call out the breadcrumbs. “Hey, I’m confused by our interactions because of [insert example]. Can we be real about where this is going?” Directness isn’t rude; ghosting is.
- Practice delivering your own truth. Not feeling the vibe? Don’t fade—explain. You owe it to others (and your karma).
The Case for Radical Transparency
When I think about my parents, I picture two people who turned communication into an art form. My dad would argue a case for cereal for dinner with the passion of a trial lawyer, and my mom? She made action verbs her love language. No one in my house was sugarcoating—or avoiding—anything.
That foundation taught me early: clarity is kindness. If you’re perpetually wondering why a relationship fizzled before it even started, ask yourself this: Did we actually know each other, or were we talking around each other?
Radical transparency in 2023 feels about as common as finding someone who prefers phone calls to texting. It feels rare because it means being vulnerable, and that’s intimidating. But vulnerability signals strength, not weakness. It’s walking into the arena, Gladiator-style, and saying, “This is who I am. Take it or take a lap.”
Practical Ways to Embrace Radical Transparency:
- Start with yourself. Journaling isn’t just an aesthetic Instagram vibe. Write down what you want, what’s a dealbreaker, and what lights you up. Self-awareness is step one.
- Drop the “chill” persona. Saying “Whatever you want is fine” when you definitely don’t mean it isn’t chill—it’s dishonest. Your opinions, wants, and boundaries are valid.
- Be specific with your words. Replace “I’m fine” (the catchall for “I’m absolutely not fine, but I’m avoiding conflict”) with, “I’m stressed today. Can we talk about this tomorrow instead?”
Emotional Intelligence Isn't Just a Buzzword
Imagine this: You’re on a date, and the person across from you doesn’t just listen to your words but actually hears you. They notice your favorite conversation topics and dig deeper rather than deflecting to themselves. This is the holy grail—a person fluent in emotional intelligence (EQ).
EQ isn’t just understanding other people’s feelings—it’s also understanding your own. Dating without EQ is like trying to cook without seasoning: bland and forgettable. But add a sprinkle of self-awareness and active empathy, and suddenly, your relationships have depth.
The good news is emotional intelligence isn’t predetermined; it’s a skill. And the even better news? You can improve it starting now.
EQ 101 for Modern Romantics:
- Listen more than you talk. Like, genuinely listen. No waiting for your turn to jump in about your favorite karaoke song. Validate. Probe. Be curious.
- Manage your own emotions first. Hurt feelings or jealousy? Sit with them before exploding your every thought onto someone else. React less, respond more.
- Notice the little things. Remember when they said they love late-night ice cream runs? Plan one. People feel valued when their quirks are cherished.
Conclusion: It’s Time to Step Up
Being a good communicator isn’t a revolutionary act—it’s a human one. Whether you’re working on unraveling your own emotional procrastination or asking someone else not to string you along, good communication is less about finding the “perfect” person and more about being the realest version of yourself.
So, how do you meet someone who communicates like an adult and not an emotionally constipated robot? Be that person. Elevate your words, honor your truths, and inspire others to do the same. Because we don’t need more people who are good at crafting Spotify playlists or sliding into DMs. We need people who say, “This is how I feel, and this is what I want.” And honestly? That level of confidence is the ultimate dating glow-up.
Go forth, speak boldly, and remember: mixed signals are just canceled plans waiting to happen. You deserve better. Always.
