What Do You Stand For?

I was about seven years old, standing on a wobbly chair in my family’s kitchen in northeast D.C., watching my dad meticulously stir a pot of curry goat while imparting one of his many life lessons. He turned to me and said, in his thick Jamaican patois, “Son, if yuh nuh know what yuh stand for, life will knock yuh down every time.” At the moment, I nodded solemnly, more focused on whether I could sneak a bite of the meat before it finished cooking. But now, decades later—as a writer, brother, partner, and human trying to make sense of the world—I keep coming back to those words.

Standing for something has guided not just my actions, but my relationships. Whether it’s love or dinner-table debates about D.C. statehood, the strength of a connection often hinges on our ability to identify and uphold what matters most. What do I stand for? Authenticity. Connection. Balance. And through these pillars, I’ve come to view relationships as both a mirror and a map—reflecting who we are while guiding us toward who we’re meant to become.

Let’s break that down. (Because if there’s one thing my years working on Capitol Hill taught me, it’s the importance of bullet points.)

Authenticity: “Take Off The Mask, But Maybe Keep the Lip Balm”

Let’s start with the biggie: being yourself. I know, it’s the kind of advice every fortune cookie gives, but let me tell you—it gets real when you’re raised in a tight-knit immigrant household. Honesty wasn’t optional. My mom, a no-nonsense nurse who could diagnose a fever just by looking at you, had an uncanny knack for sniffing out dishonesty. “Marcus,” she’d say, arms crossed, “what’s the truth? The whole truth?” Let me tell you, that woman could terrify my soul in ways no midterm exam ever could.

But here’s the thing about staying true to yourself in relationships: it requires vulnerability. Can I be honest with someone about how my mom’s legendary goat curry sets an unrealistically high bar for all other stews? Can I voice my need for alone time without it being mistaken for disinterest? Authenticity asks us to take the mask off and risk being truly seen.

And yes, I mean that figuratively and literally. Look, I’ve been in my share of relationships where people show up with Instagram personas so curated they could belong in the Smithsonian. But those connections rarely last. It’s like dating an avatar—it might look good on the surface, but eventually, the filter cracks. Show up as yourself: beautifully flawed, occasionally sweaty, with a slightly inappropriate sense of humor intact. Trust me, someone out there will be into your quirks—even if you hum Bob Marley songs off-key while loading the dishwasher.

Connection: “Love Is Like Dominoes—It’s More Fun with a Partner Who Matches Your Energy”

Growing up, Saturday evenings in my family meant domino games at the dining room table. Dominoes taught me that relationships—romantic or otherwise—are all about connection. You’ve got to read the room, adjust your playstyle, and sometimes shuffle the whole deck to keep the game alive.

Making meaningful connections isn’t about finding someone who completes you (cue the dramatic Jerry Maguire cringe). It’s really about walking alongside someone who complements you. Someone who can vibe with the beat of your life and call you out lovingly when you’re off-key. One of my mentors once said that love should feel like DJing—you’re crafting a playlist together, one track at a time, building momentum without stepping on each other’s vibe.

Think about it: Would you play slow jazz when the other person’s clearly all about hype Afrobeats? Of course not. Relationships thrive when both parties show curiosity for each other’s “playlist” and integrate those tracks over time. Whether that means trying your partner’s favorite dumpling spot or sharing the soundtrack of your childhood (mine’s part reggae, part go-go—so don’t act surprised when Chuck Brown starts playing mid-dinner date). Connection thrives when we lean in where curiosity pulls us.

Balance: “Don’t Forget to Water Your Own Plant”

Here’s a relationship truth I learned the hard way: you can’t pour into someone else’s cup if yours is bone-dry. For many of us—especially in the era of romantic #couplegoals plastered all over social media—there’s so much pressure to be the perfect partner. The one who plans thoughtful date nights, texts back in record time, and somehow always remembers their partner’s favorite coffee order (oat milk latte, no sugar).

But here’s where balance comes in. You’ve got to remember yourself in the equation. I once dated someone who jokingly referred to me as her “therapist boyfriend.” While I appreciated her trust in me, I realized I’d started showing up more as a problem-solver than a partner. I was giving and giving—but I hadn’t even saved room to check in with myself. The result? A crash-and-burn situation that left us both exhausted.

Now, I’m all about balance. I carve out time to recharge, whether that’s re-reading James Baldwin on my porch or escaping to a Caribbean beach to write terrible first drafts of my next novel. And in relationships, I encourage my partner to do the same. Balance is sexy, y’all—it’s the confidence to recognize that space isn’t disconnection; it’s growth. Treat your emotional energy like my mom’s house plants: water yourself consistently, trim off dead leaves, and bask in enough sunlight to keep thriving.

The Takeaway: Stand Tall, Love Hard, and Remember the Goat Stew

At the end of all this, my dad’s advice holds up. Knowing what you stand for gives you clarity in every season of life—whether you’re flirting over cocktails or navigating a conflict about who left the milk out. Authenticity grounds you. Connection nourishes you. Balance sustains you. And they all work together to create something beautiful, even when the waters get rough.

So, whether you’re in a Boston conference room pitching policies that nobody asked for—or just trying to figure out who swiped your last plantain chip (seriously, do not mess with my chips)—remember who you are and what you stand for. Stay true, keep unearthing your favorite tracks, and don’t forget to share your playlist with someone who vibes with it.

Oh, and a final PSA: If you ever find yourself at my family’s dinner table, know that my mom’s goat curry is non-negotiable. But the dominoes? You better bring your best game.