What does it mean to stand for something?
For me, it’s a mix of Beyoncé’s resilience, Luther Vandross’s smooth delivery, and my mama’s unapologetic no-nonsense attitude when telling you to “act like you got some sense.” In other words: a little flash, a lot of heart, and the unwavering conviction to call things as they are. But that conviction didn’t arrive fully-formed. It grew, like so many things, in the chaos of living, dating, breaking up, messing up, and picking myself up again – usually with my Southern upbringing yelling, “Boy, don’t forget where you come from!” in the distance.

So, this one’s for you – the people trying to figure it all out, wondering how to navigate love, community, and everything in between while staying true to who you are. I’ve got a few things I stand for, and maybe – just maybe – they’ll help you stand a little taller too.

1. Forget the Checklist – Get Real

You know the one I’m talking about. That miles-long list of “must-haves” for a partner: impeccable style, a six-figure salary, the ability to cook like they’re auditioning for Top Chef, someone who gets your humor but won’t steal your fries. Don’t get me wrong, standards are important – just don’t let them trap you in the Land of the Unrealistic where you’re waiting for your Idris Elba or Janelle Monáe prototype to arrive fully assembled.

Growing up in Beaumont, I watched my parents build a life rooted in compromise, humor, and grit. No, my dad didn’t surprise my mom with Paris trips or spontaneous love poems (unless you count the time he rhymed “Maytag” with “price tag” in a discussion about buying a new washer). But they showed up for each other. That’s the kind of glue that holds people together, long after the sparkly stuff fades.

Instead of chasing fairy tales, here’s what I suggest: - Look for someone with substance. Can they communicate? Are they kind? Do they take accountability? - Embrace quirks. I once dated someone who collected vintage lunchboxes. At first, I was side-eyeing the whole “retro tin thing,” but you know what? Those quirks made them unforgettable. Their love for the little things was contagious. - Give people room to surprise you. If you’re holding out for perfection, you might be blocking the person who’s perfect for YOU.

2. Vulnerability is Your Superpower

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you when you’re growing up: letting people in is risky but necessary. I was 16, clinging tightly to a secret I wasn’t sure people in my Texas town could handle, rehearsing stories to keep people guessing, anything to avoid someone pegging me as “different.” But years later, in college at my HBCU, I learned something transformative: the more I showed up as me, the more I connected with people I actually wanted in my life.

Same thing goes for dating. Vulnerability takes courage – the kind that makes your palms sweat and your voice tremble – but it’s the only way to build something real. Too many of us spend our lives being 50% ourselves, hoping someone will fill in the rest, but here are a few hard-won truths I’ve discovered:

  • Perfection is not attractive. It’s exhausting. Let people meet the real you, flaws and all. Stumble over your words. Laugh at your own bad jokes.
  • Express your needs early on. No, you don’t have to lay out your whole heart on the first date, but a quick “I’m looking for something serious,” or “I’m still figuring out what I want” gives people a roadmap.
  • Be brave enough to risk rejection. Yes, it stings. But the alternative – staying stuck, withholding, or playing games – is much worse. Rejection is temporary. Regret lasts way longer.

3. Love is an Action, Not a Feeling

Let’s be clear: the butterflies are great, but they will betray you. You can’t trust butterflies to do much except distract you from red flags, like your date refusing to tip or bragging about their 100,000 unopened emails like that’s some kind of flex. Love, and its cousin commitment, are built on actions.

Take the time I was dating someone who always said the right things but rarely followed through. They were the type to text things like, “You’re amazing – can’t wait to see you again,” but getting them to actually show up? Ha. Eventually, I had to reconcile the truth: words without action are like grits without salt. (If you know, you know.)

Look for consistency over chemistry. Here’s how to gauge it: - Small gestures matter. Do they ask about your big meeting? Show up when you need support? - Effort over extravagance. It’s not about grand romantic gestures; it’s about doing the work. That Saturday morning coffee run or the text that says, “Just thinking of you,” speaks louder than a dozen roses ever could.
- Watch for follow-through. Nothing kills romance faster than empty promises.

4. Community is Everything

My family has always been my anchor. From my mom calling me out (“Marc, you’re being stubborn again, stop it”) to my best friend reading me for filth when I tried to change my personality to impress someone (never again), the people who truly know and love us give us perspective – and accountability.

We often think of dating as something that exists in a vacuum, like the only people who matter are you and the person across from you at dinner. But your community – your people – are often the ones who help you spot patterns, see red flags, or remind you that you’re too valuable to settle for less.

Here’s why you need them: - Perspective. Your best friend who’s heard about your last five “situationships”? They have insight. Listen to them. - Accountability. Good friends will both hype you up and check you when necessary. That “You can do better” text is gold – even if it stings.
- Support. Heartbreak is inevitable. Having your crew to lean on makes healing easier, whether it’s long talks, ugly cries, or Beyoncé dance-offs in the living room.

5. You Deserve Big Love

Let me end with this: there’s a version of you that’s already lovable, without changing a single thing about yourself. Sure, strive to grow, learn, evolve, but don’t get it twisted: you’re enough as you are. Society loves to make us feel like we have to fit some mold – whether it’s being skinnier, wealthier, more successful, or coupling up before our aunties start asking uncomfortable questions at family cookouts – but you deserve a love that sees you fully and celebrates what they find.

Here’s what I know for sure: - You don’t have to shrink to fit. Real love makes space for you – all of you.
- The right person will meet you where you are. No chasing, no guessing games. Just mutual respect and effort.
- Be your own first love. It’s not just a cliché. The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. Treat yourself kindly.

To stand for something is to live by it, to let it shape how you move through the world. Whether it’s showing vulnerability, demanding action over empty promises, or remembering that you deserve the kind of love that makes even the hard days worth it, these beliefs guide how I approach life, relationships, and, yes, even my writing.

So, to you reading this, don’t settle for less than you deserve – in love or life. Stay grounded, keep showing up, and remember: love is out there. It’s messy, imperfect, and often inconvenient, but when it’s real, it’s worth the ride. You’ve got this.