It’s funny how the smallest things can anchor you in life, those little essentials that feel like lifebuoys in a sea of chaos. Over the years, both in love and life, I’ve discovered a handful of touchstones that constantly remind me who I am and what keeps me grounded. Some of them I cherish for their practicality, others for their sentimentality, but each has a story—my story. Here are the things I simply can't live without.
1. My Journal: Where Beyoncé Lyrics and Big Feelings Go to Thrive
Let me tell you, a spiral-bound notebook from Target may not seem like much, but it’s my therapist, hype-man, and co-conspirator all rolled into one. On its pages, I’ve penned great epiphanies about life, mediocre haikus about heartbreak, and the occasional Beyoncé lyric when I needed extra inspiration. Seriously, there’s something healing about writing “I’m feeling myself” in bold, underlined letters when the day has worn you down.
My journal doesn’t judge me when I revisit the same bad decisions for the fourth time—yes, including texting my ex after too much wine. It’s also where I map out my goals, whether they’re about creating more space in my life for love or just figuring out how to cook rice that doesn’t stick to the pot. Journaling reminds me that every messy season is still my season.
Non-Negotiable Takeaway: Everyone needs a space to unload. If a journal isn’t your thing, find that outlet—a voice memo app, a painting session, or even a dance party à la Lizzo in your living room. Your emotional health will thank you.
2. Comfort Food (aka Mom’s Gumbo Restorative Therapy)
Some folks find solace in meditation; I find it in gumbo. I’m talking about my mom’s gumbo—the kind that takes her all day to simmer, with shrimp, sausage, chicken, and a roux so rich it could run for Congress. As a gay Black man who grew up in a tight-knit, working-class family, food wasn’t just a meal—it was an expression of love, resilience, and community.
I’ve carried this tradition with me, recreating her recipes in my Houston apartment whenever life gets too loud. It’s my way of staying tethered to home, and it reminds me that even when love feels hard to find or boundaries need reinforcing, there’s always a way to nourish yourself.
Pro Tip: Have a comfort food recipe in your toolbox, whether it’s your grandma’s lasagna or dollar-store ramen jazzed up with some sesame oil. Food doesn’t just fill your body; it feeds your soul.
3. Luther Vandross on Vinyl: Because Love Songs Should Make You Feel Things
There are certain voices that have a way of reaching deep into your spirit, and for me, that voice belongs to the velvet-toned Luther Vandross. His music was the soundtrack of Sunday mornings in my childhood home—my parents would play his records while we got ready for church. As a grown man navigating love and adulting, his ballads like “So Amazing” hit differently. You ever hear “Dance with My Father” and just sit there sniffing like someone threw onion powder in the air? Same, fam. Same.
Whenever I doubt whether enduring love exists (usually after scrolling through one too many social media breakup announcements), Luther reminds me that love isn’t perfect—but it is worth dreaming about.
Dating Metaphor Alert: If finding love ever feels like skipping tracks on Spotify, maybe it’s time to embrace the vinyl approach. Slow things down, savor the imperfections, and cherish the full experience.
4. A Solid Pair of Running Shoes: For When I’m Literally Running From Stress
I’ll be the first to admit: I’m not a gym rat. But a pair of good running shoes saved my sanity somewhere between post-grad stress and that breakup where it felt like the ground had fallen out from beneath me. Moving my body—whether it’s a jog or aggressively toe-tapping to Destiny’s Child—reminds me that everything is temporary. Even heartbreak. Even stress about deadlines or family stuff.
When you’re moving, problems that seemed larger than life start to shrink. Relationships are the same—sometimes what you need isn’t a fix but some fresh air to gain perspective. And hey, running also means you burn off the calories from that second serving of gumbo, so that’s a win-win.
Action Item: Invest in movement, in whatever way makes sense for you. Whether it’s dancing, yoga, or walking the dog, it’s not just about health—it’s therapy in motion. Bonus points if you do it while blasting Lizzo or Luther simultaneously.
5. The Group Chat: Chaotic and Healing in Equal Measure
There’s a specific kind of magic that comes with a group chat—mine includes two friends from college, my cousin in Atlanta, and that one friend who knows all my mess but somehow chooses to love me through it anyway. The genius of the group chat is that it functions as a reality check when I need it (spoiler: I often do). Every crisis—the “should I text him?” spiral, the post-date over-analysis—makes its way there, and my crew always has an answer, usually in the form of a hilarious meme followed by some honestly solid advice. They hype me up when I need it ("You’re not just anyone. You're the one!"), but also know when to call me out.
Let’s not underestimate the power of community, y’all. Love might come and go, but a solid group of people (who can roast you kindly) is forever.
Advice for the Road: Cultivate your group chat energy IRL. Make time for the people who hold you down no matter what. Relationships are important, yes, but besties are the real glue of life.
6. My Grandmother’s Jewelry: A Reminder of Resilience
My grandmother was the type of woman who could make a Sunday church outfit look like she stepped off a runway in Milan. Before she passed, she left me a couple of her statement pieces—chunky gold bracelets that clink when I move and carry the shine of her unapologetic spirit. Whenever I doubt whether I’m capable of navigating this messy, unpredictable world, I wear those bracelets. They don’t just elevate my look—they remind me that I come from a lineage of people who didn’t just survive—they thrived.
Wearing them feels like wearing history, the knowledge that I’m allowed to be bold, beautiful, and entirely myself, whether that’s in love, at work, or on a first date where the guy orders pineapple pizza (we weren’t meant to last, y’all).
Empowering Vibes: Carry something with you that reminds you of your own strength, whether it’s a family heirloom, your favorite jacket, or even that playlist of songs that make you feel invincible.
Final Takeaway: Surround Yourself With Things That Give Life Meaning
Here’s the thing: The stuff you can’t live without isn’t really about the items themselves—it’s about the stories, comfort, and courage they bring into your life. Whether it’s a steaming bowl of gumbo or a song that makes your heart feel full, these essentials ground us in who we are when the world threatens to do the opposite. They remind us to show up authentically, love courageously, and (most importantly) take care of ourselves first.
So figure out what keeps you steady—what reels you back in when life, love, or your last situationship feels like it’s dragging you out to sea. Whether it’s a group chat, gumbo, or a Luther Vandross record, once you find your life anchors, hold them close. Life doesn’t promise smooth sailing, but at least you’ll have what you need to navigate the waves.
