The Habit That Saved Me

I once read somewhere that life is just an accumulation of small things done consistently. A cup of coffee brewed the same way every morning, a song you hum in the shower, or the grocery list you finally remember to write down. But how often do we think these small habits could actually change our lives—especially when it comes to love? I didn’t. Not until I made one small change that completely redefined how I approach relationships, both with myself and others: I started taking walks.

Not just strolls to pick up my Amazon packages from the porch or a hurried dash to the mailbox when it’s raining. Actual, intentional, slow walks.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “Okay, Carrie. You’re writing for a dating and relationships site and you’re about to give me an Eat, Pray, Stroll story?” But hear me out. This wasn’t about exercise (although my grandmother’s fried chicken sure wasn’t helping my heart health). It wasn’t about walking off a bad date either—though I’ve had more than a few of those, and let me just say: Do not skip the Google search before agreeing to “grab drinks with a guy who’s different from the others.”

No, this was about slowing down in a world that loves to speed up, and somehow, by putting one foot in front of the other, I found clarity about who I am, what I want, and—spoiler alert—how to be a better partner along the way.

How It Started: A Hot Mess with a Southern Drawl

Let’s rewind about a year and a half ago. Picture a woman sitting cross-legged on the couch, clutching a mug of reheated coffee. She’s wearing sweatpants she bought in college, her hair is doing “something interesting” (read: a chaotic bun situation), and there’s a group text open on her phone that just says, “Girl. Block him already.”

Yeah, that was me. That’s not to say my life was in shambles—I was working full-time, balancing my passion for history with teaching, and showing up for my friends when they needed me. But love? Let’s just say I was going through a season of, “Is it me? Am I the drama?” after a string of relationships that started with fireworks and ended with someone (me) ugly crying while listening to Patsy Cline. I’d over-romanticized chaos, mistaking it for passion. My boundaries? They weren’t just blurry—they were entirely optional.

So when one particularly bad breakup sent me spiraling back into the why-can’t-I-get-this-right thought loop, I knew something needed to shift. But therapy was booked six weeks out (God bless the South; we love a waitlist), and talking to my girlfriends was starting to sound like a broken record. Then one evening, my mom called me. She said something that cut through the noise: “Carrie, when’s the last time you let yourself just be still?”

The Surprising Power of Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

Cue the walks.

At first, they were short—just a block or two around the neighborhood. I live in Montgomery, and there’s something about passing the shotgun houses and trees draped in Spanish moss that forces you to slow down. It’s almost as if the city was reminding me, “Hey, girl, you’re not going to solve everything today. But you’re moving forward.”

Here’s where the magic of walking started to kick in: It gave me space to think. When I wasn’t hunched over my phone dissecting text messages like an unpaid FBI agent, I finally had time to reflect on why I had a bad habit of prioritizing other people's needs over my own. Why did I keep bending backward to fit into someone else’s world instead of asking if ours even aligned? Walking was, in a weird way, my time to "date" myself. I started asking myself the questions I’d hope a partner would ask me one day: What makes you happy? What are you looking for? What kind of love feels good for you?

Here’s What I Learned (That You Can Use Too)

Let’s break this into some takeaways, because lessons learned during a post-breakup phase hit differently:

  1. Boundaries Are Sexy (Actually)
    Do you know how terrifyingly easy it is to lose boundaries when you like someone? I used to think of boundaries as walls, something that kept people out. But the more I walked and reflected, the more I realized boundaries are actually invitations. They say, “Hey, here’s what makes me feel safe and valued. Can you meet me here?” If someone can’t? Well, then they aren’t for you—and that’s a win too.

  2. Small Rituals Show You How You Deserve to Be Treated
    Those couple of miles every evening became sacred. They were a commitment—to myself. I realized that carving out time just for me taught me what good care looks like. It looks like consistency. It looks like keeping promises, even small ones. And if I could show up for myself, shouldn’t I expect anyone I date to do the same?

  3. Gratitude Grounds You in the Present
    Walking helped me appreciate simple joys in a way I hadn’t before. Sunsets, the smell of magnolia blooms, the occasional hum of cicadas. More importantly, I noticed how much time I used to spend ruminating over the past or worrying about the future. How many potential relationships had I sabotaged because I wasn’t fully present? Now I knew better—and acted accordingly.

  4. Nothing Good Comes from Hustling Love
    There’s a reason we call it falling in love. It’s supposed to be a process that feels seamless. But in the past, I’d been hustling for connection, always trying to make something work or forcing an outcome. The walks taught me to breathe, to enjoy the process, and trust that the right things would align when the time was right (and when I was truly ready).

How It’s Going Now

That small change—those walks—saved me in more ways than one. They gave me clarity when I felt scattered, confidence when I doubted my worth, and trust when I felt uncertain about the future. Did they magically summon a life partner? Not quite. But spoiler alert: I did meet someone not too long ago who fits me like a pair of broken-in boots. And do you want to know the first thing we did together? We went on a long walk under the Alabama stars, talking until our voices were hoarse.

Here’s what I can tell you: Relationships don’t need grand gestures all the time to change everything. Sometimes, the best things grow from the smallest actions—like intentionally carving out space to think, feel, and just be.

Your Turn

So, if you’ve been wondering how to break out of whatever rut you’re in—romantic or otherwise—why not lace up your sneakers and see where a walk takes you? Maybe you’ll find clarity you didn’t know you needed. Maybe you’ll meet someone intriguing. Or maybe, like me, you’ll simply find yourself again, step by step.

Trust me—it’s worth it. And at the very least, you’ll get some fresh air and maybe spot a pretty sunset. Not a bad deal, right?