It all started with a post-it note. Not the neon yellow ones you slap on your fridge reminding you to buy oat milk—you know, for your morning “I’m better than you” latte. No, this was one of those chic pastel squares I picked up during a completely unnecessary (but deeply satisfying) stroll through a Japanese stationery store in Soho. I slapped it onto my bathroom mirror, wrote three words on it, and unknowingly started a habit that would change not only the way I approached my relationships but my life as a whole.

What did I write? “Be here now.” Simple. Almost offensively simple. But those three words? They saved me. Let me explain.

The Multitasking Mania That Almost Broke Me

Like many of us, I used to pride myself on being busy. You know the type—double-booked calendar, texts stacking up like Jenga blocks, and a podcast burbling in the background while you “listen” to your partner vent about their day. I was the guy replying to emails on a date under the tablecloth because I convinced myself she wouldn’t notice. (Spoiler: she noticed. They always notice.)

Between juggling work deadlines, my attempt to maintain a cosmopolitan social life, and trying to squeeze in my daily run along the Brooklyn Promenade (because nothing says balance like cardio), I was always thinking two moves ahead. Planning the next thing, mentally constructing the next sentence, even while someone was right in front of me pouring their heart out.

This habit was not only detrimental to my relationships; it was exhausting. I wasn’t really present—not with friends, not with my family, and certainly not with myself. Life had become a vaguely blurry highlight reel of “almost” moments. Almost paid attention. Almost got the joke. Almost connected.

So when I found myself alone in Berlin one winter (cue the moody techno soundtrack), staring at the wall of an Airbnb that was aggressively Scandinavian in its minimalism, I had a little come-to-Baldwin moment. This introspection wasn’t as poetic as one might expect—less dimly lit writer’s revelation and more “what the hell am I even doing?” Something had to give. And it did.

The Birth of the Bathroom Mirror Mantra

The idea for “Be here now” came from my favorite college professor—a whiskey-toting New Englander who’d often go on tangents about mindfulness long before it became an Instagram buzzword. He didn’t just lecture about being present; he embodied it. He’d hold his coffee cup like it contained the secrets of the universe and answer student questions with a patience that bordered on holy.

During a particularly chaotic weekend in Berlin, after realizing I’d gone to three perfectly nice gallery openings and remembered none of them, I thought of his advice. Not “meditation” or “go on a social media cleanse” (I’m not a monk). Just: Be. Here. Now.

It would’ve faded into the forgotten ethers of my overworked brain if I hadn’t written it down on that pastel post-it and stuck it to my mirror the moment I returned to Brooklyn. Yes, starting it on my bathroom mirror felt very millennial of me—but hey, for what it’s worth, it worked.

How This Tiny Habit Changed the Game

This wasn’t just a bathroom decoration; it became my tiny (unobtrusive) accountability partner. Every morning, while brushing my teeth, there it was. “Be here now.” Just staring at me with its pastel smugness. It reminded me that I had a choice: show up or keep coasting.

Sure, it started as a mindfulness experiment, but it trickled into every facet of my life—my relationships especially. Here’s where things started to shift:

1. I Started Actually Listening (A Rare Skill Nowadays)

Ever realized how often we "listen" just to wait for our turn to talk? Me too. I discovered that being present meant giving someone my full bandwidth—not checking my texts mid-conversation or mentally drafting my next witty comeback. Listening without an agenda is an underrated superpower that genuinely improves relationships. When you’re fully tuned in, you pick up on all the stuff left unsaid—the subtleties that are the glue of connection.

2. Dates Got Interesting Again

And by “interesting,” I mean less robotic. I stopped trying to impress and started paying attention. Like really paying attention. I’d notice how her face lit up talking about a book she loved or how she unintentionally doodled on the napkin when she was nervous. These tiny details brought the human-ness back into dating, and suddenly every encounter wasn’t about swiping to the next “match” but leaning into the beautiful messiness of this moment.

3. My Inner Critic Took Several Seats

Ever tried to “be here now” while your brain is commenting on everything happening in real-time? (“Did she just say she hates sushi? That might be a dealbreaker.”) Practicing presence forced me to quiet the peanut gallery upstairs and just… accept. Aligned conversations aren’t about judging or strategizing—they’re about being open to the present as it unfolds, no matter how imperfect.

4. Even Running Became More Zen (Shocker)

I realized that even in moments alone, I was distracted. My “runs” were just cardio-enabled planning sessions for my to-do list. With my new mantra, the Promenade started to look different—like really different. I began noticing the skyline, the way the trees swayed in the wind, the sound of someone playing violin for tourists. It was like my senses had turned HD.

Practical Takeaways for Adopting This Habit

Okay, so maybe a post-it note by itself isn’t going to revolutionize your life. But if you’re curious about how this seemingly simple habit can save you too, here’s how to get started:

  • Anchor It to a Routine: Make it impossible to ignore. Stick your reminder somewhere obvious—bathroom mirror, phone wallpaper, your dog’s leash (kidding… mostly).
  • Start Small: Being “present” all the time isn’t realistic. Start with one area—maybe your morning coffee or your next catch-up with a friend.
  • Catch Yourself Slipping: Notice when your brain goes rogue (planning what’s for dinner while someone’s sharing their work drama) and gently bring yourself back.
  • Take Tech Breaks: I’ll never tell you to go full flip-phone, but stepping away from screens when you’re with people makes a world of difference.
  • Take a Breath: Literally. When you feel yourself spiraling into high-speed, multitasking mania, pause and notice your breath. It sounds corny, but it works.

Show Up for Your Life

At the end of the day, this isn’t about perfection. I still catch myself zoning out every so often, but I now know how to pull myself back. And the return on this tiny investment? It’s the friendships that feel deeper, the dates that feel real, and the half-forgotten sound of my own thoughts when everything else quiets down.

So go ahead. Find your post-it equivalent, whatever that looks like. Scribble your own message. Because life, relationships, and even your overpriced oat milk latte taste better when you’re fully present to enjoy them.