I never thought a chicken wandering down a dusty road in Abuja would change how I saw relationships. Yet, there I was, stuck in Lagos traffic on a steamy Tuesday afternoon, replaying a memory from years ago that I hadn’t realized had been silently teaching me for most of my adult life.
Let me set the scene. Growing up in Nigeria, I often visited my grandparents in a small town just outside Abuja. One morning, as the family bustled around preparing breakfast, I stepped outside for some fresh air. That’s when I saw it—the chicken. Scrawny, ruffled feathers, strutting like it owned the village. It walked with a peculiar resolve, head held high, dodging puddles and bicycles with a confidence that seemed almost human. I laughed and called for my grandmother to come look. She simply smiled and said, “Even chickens know where they are going. Do you?”
I was ten years old at the time, so this sounded more like one of her cryptic sayings designed to make vegetables appear less boring than an actual life lesson. I brushed it off and went back inside. But years later, in the messy maze of relationships, I found myself thinking about that chicken far more often than I’d anticipated. Strange, right? Let me explain.
Lesson One: Know Where You’re Going
It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that one reason some of my relationships failed was because I hadn’t taken the time to figure out what I truly wanted. I was too busy saying “yes” to every interesting person who came along and letting infatuation write my love story. I was like an Uber driver who’d accepted a ride request but never actually put a destination into the GPS. (Spoiler alert: you end up driving in circles.)
That chicken? It wasn’t zigzagging aimlessly. Whether it was heading toward a worm buffet or just making a territorial power move, it had direction. And so should we.
Here’s the thing: clarity is sexy. Whether you’re looking for a whirlwind romance or a partner who makes suya runs with you at midnight, being honest with yourself—and others—about what you want clears the path for authentic connections. No pretending, no unnecessary detours, no ending up in territories unfamiliar to your heart.
Lesson Two: Dodge the Potholes with Grace
Now, if you’ve ever been on Nigerian roads, you know they demand Olympic-level focus and agility. Potholes pop up unexpectedly, and if you hit them at full speed, well… let’s just say you’ll feel it in your bones. Relationships aren’t so different. Unmet expectations, misunderstandings, and confounding text messages like "k" are the potholes on the journey to connection. When life gets bumpy, how you react makes all the difference.
That chicken? It wasn’t fazed. It bobbed and weaved with an elegance that would make a boxer jealous. Could I say the same about myself in the early days of dating? Absolutely not. I treated conflict like an existential crisis. Someone canceled a dinner plan? Devastated. They didn’t laugh at my expertly curated memes? Questioned our entire compatibility. It was exhausting.
But when I started thinking more like that feathered philosopher, I adjusted. I learned to pick my battles and move around unnecessary drama without losing my rhythm. Pro tip: Staying calm when things go south isn’t a sign you don’t care; it’s proof that you’re grounded.
Lesson Three: Confidence Speaks Louder Than Words
My grandmother loved to remind me, "A chicken doesn’t ask anyone permission to strut.” At the time, I laughed. It sounded ridiculous—and yet, there’s truth baked into that simple observation. See, that poultry wasn’t out there thinking, “Do they like my walk?” or “Am I coming off too strong?” It strutted because, well, why wouldn’t it?
It’s easy to spin yourself into knots questioning whether you’re too much or not enough. In the age of overanalysis and Instagram Reels, confidence can feel like a luxury only influencers possess. But here’s the little hack I’ve picked up over the years: Fake it till you make it. Act like you’re that chicken. Be proud of your quirks, whether it’s your goofy laugh or your ability to name every Burna Boy hit. There’s someone out there who will absolutely adore it—if you let them.
Let’s normalize wearing our weirdness proudly, because confidence is magnetic. I’m not saying you should peacock your way through every first date, but a little unapologetic swagger goes a long way.
Lesson Four: Community is Key
Perhaps the most underrated part of this chicken metaphor (yeah, I’ve really thought about this a lot) is how it belonged to a flock. Sure, it walked solo during that little scene in the village, but its family was never far off. See, being independent doesn’t mean living life in isolation. Healthy relationships—romantic or otherwise—thrive in supportive ecosystems.
For me, growing up in a big Nigerian family was like living inside a never-ending group chat. (Trust me, anytime you think you’re alone, five people are already discussing your singular problem over jollof rice.) Moving to London later on, navigating the very individualistic culture made me realize how vital community is, especially when it comes to dating and partnerships. Friends and family offer perspective, cheerleading, and reality checks when you need them most.
So, lean into your people! Whether it’s advice on whether you should text them back or someone to remind you that you’re a catch (on days you forget), your “flock” matters.
The Takeaway: Be the Chicken
Look, I’m not saying you should channel a literal chicken on your next date—unless you’re into that vibe, of course—but there’s wisdom in its simplicity. Be clear about where you’re going. Move gracefully through challenges. Strut confidently, and keep your community close.
Inspiration, I’ve realized, doesn’t have to come from TED Talks or profound books. Sometimes, it’s right in front of you, scratching the earth and dodging okadas. That chicken taught me more about love and life than any rom-com ever could, and for that, I’ll forever be grateful.
So, the next time you’re navigating the wild world of connection and commitment, just ask yourself: What would the chicken do?
