Love Lessons from the Southern Front Porch: Building Relationships (and Patience)

Sit a spell, y’all, because I want to talk about something we often overlook when it comes to relationships: patience. Growing up in Montgomery, we had this old wooden swing on our front porch. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a creeky bench that had seen one too many Alabama summers. But to me, it was a classroom. It’s where my grandparents swayed side by side after dinner, letting the crickets fill in the silences. It’s where my dad read the newspaper while my mom watered the azaleas, pausing to share tidbits of local gossip. And yes, it’s where I sat through my share of awkward early dates, wishing for a breeze and wondering if I was talking too much.

It's funny—people always think true love is about grand gestures or dramatic moments, but honestly, it’s in the smaller spaces: shared silences, little inside jokes, even difficult conversations. That porch swing taught me that relationships are about showing up consistently, tuning in, and sometimes just letting things unfold without trying to control them. So, how do we bring that “good front porch energy” into our dating lives and relationships today? Let me break it down for you.

1. Slow Down: Not Every Connection Needs to Be a Firework Show

Hollywood has us all convinced that meeting “the one” should feel like a scene straight out of The Notebook, complete with a rain-soaked kiss and a dramatic soundtrack. But honey, real love is more like a slow waltz than a high-speed car chase. That’s not to say there won’t be sparks, but relationships—at least the good ones—take time to simmer.

I’ll never forget the guy I dated briefly in college, who had what I like to call "marathon energy." He liked me so much, he practically leaped into planning our entire future after one dinner date (which, for the record, involved a lot of small talk about how much we both hated group projects). The attention was flattering at first, but it also felt overwhelming. It was as if he was flipping through all the stages of a relationship without pausing to actually enjoy any of them.

Lesson learned: you can’t rush real connection. So the next time you find yourself overanalyzing a text or trying to interpret someone’s emoji usage like it’s ancient hieroglyphics, take a deep breath and relax. Relationships thrive when you let them unfold at a pace that feels natural for both people.

2. Create a Foundation of Curiosity, Not Assumptions

One of my favorite things about collecting oral histories during my graduate work was discovering how people’s life stories rarely went the way you thought they would. A farmer turned civil rights activist. A retired teacher who once toured Europe as a jazz singer. People constantly surprised me with the richness and messiness of their experiences, and it reinforced how important it is to approach everyone—even your fiercest crush—with humility and curiosity.

It’s so easy to fill in blanks about someone early in a relationship, but when you assume too much, you risk missing who they really are. Instead, make space for conversations that feel like discovery. Ask them about the small stuff: childhood road trips, the first album they bought, the hobby they’d pursue if money or time were no issue. Somewhere between answering and laughing, you’ll start to unearth the stuff that matters.

Oh, and for the love of sweet tea, really listen to their answers without planning what you’re going to say next. Don’t rush to bring the conversation back to yourself or crack a joke at the wrong time. Good listening is like a southern drawl—it’s unhurried and filled with intention.

3. Balance Independence and Togetherness

You know what you never saw on that front porch swing? Anyone bickering over who was getting too much “me-time.” There’s a rhythm that develops when both people in a relationship feel confident enough in themselves not to lose sight of what makes them happy as individuals. Sure, it’s tempting to go full “Netflix-and-stay-together-forever” early in a relationship, but in the long term, having your own outlets makes you a better partner.

For me, one of the most freeing things has been rediscovering who I am outside of relationships. I started hiking more after a bad breakup, and let me tell you, the clarity I got on those lonely Alabama trails was a game-changer. Relationships grow best when you make space for your partner to pursue passions that don’t involve you (just as you're pursuing your own). And trust me, absence does make the heart grow fonder—as long as you’ve got a good foundation to come back to.

4. Celebrate the Ordinary Moments

The best advice I ever heard about love came from my 84-year-old neighbor Miss Clara, who had been married for over 60 years when she passed. One day, while I was helping her shell peas on her porch, I asked her how she kept things fresh after all those years with her husband, Jimmy. She just chuckled and said, “Well, we tried to laugh more than we argued. And he always remembered to bring me a MoonPie from the corner store.”

It didn’t click until years later, but what Miss Clara was teaching me was this: love doesn’t need to be flashy to be fulfilling. You don’t have to constantly outdo yourselves with elaborate date nights or expensive gifts. Little things—a thoughtful “how was your day?” text, making their coffee just how they like it, knowing their favorite snack—carry so much more weight than a grand, once-a-year gesture.

5. Build Deep Roots, Not Shallow Snapshots

One of the lessons I took from studying civil rights archival photos was how powerful it is to capture life in its raw, authentic form—not just the posed, polished moments we tend to share online. In relationships, we often pressure ourselves to present the highlight reel instead of embracing the messy, complicated reality.

Real connections aren’t built on picture-perfect date nights or dinner table selfies. They’re built in the cracks and creases of life: during a quiet walk through the neighborhood, while folding laundry together, or even navigating challenges you didn’t see coming. It’s not about always looking good or even feeling excited; it’s about weathering the messy moments together with grace and humor.

Wrapping It Up: Your Porch Swing Moment

Whether you’re single, dating, or deep into a committed relationship, remember to channel that good porch swing vibe: unhurried yet intentional, serious but never too stiff. Relationships, like any good Southern recipe, take the right mix of patience, curiosity, and care to come out just right.

The truth is, love doesn’t have to be a spectacle to be special. Sometimes, the most meaningful moments are the quietest ones—crickets chirping in the background as you swing side by side, perfectly content without saying a word. Whatever stage you’re in, don’t forget to savor those moments. Because in the end, they’re the ones that stick with you, long after the swing stops swaying.