The Day I Swiped Right on Myself
If you’ve ever sweated over an online dating profile like you were defusing a bomb in the third act of an action movie, you’re not alone. A few years ago, I was that guy. And let me tell you: it wasn’t pretty. I’d like to say my early attempts at online dating were at least mediocre, but that’d be giving 2016 Nate way too much credit. My first dating profile was basically a stock photo of a guy holding a latte, shouting, “I’m fun! I swear!”
But what changed that trajectory—and arguably my entire view on love, life, and even the desert air I breathe—wasn’t swiping right on the perfect match. No, it was the moment I swiped right on someone far more essential: me.
The Ground Zero of Dating Desperation
Let me back up for a second. Picture this: I’m fresh off my MBA, struttin’ around Phoenix like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho (minus the ax), convinced that anyone would be lucky to date a “go-getter” like me. My idea of selling myself online? A LinkedIn-summary-meets-romantic-comedy vibe, with lines like, “Looking for someone to hike Camelback Mountain with,” and a professionally lit headshot from my MBA networking event. Shockingly (read: not), my inbox remained a barren desert, tumbleweeds and all.
That sting of rejection came fast, but it wasn’t the profiles of smart, funny, beautiful women ghosting me that stung the most. It was staring at my own profile, realizing I’d never swipe right on me either. I mean, would I date someone who seemed to think “outgoing” was a personality? Exactly. My phone practically whispered, “Nate, let’s talk.”
So I did.
Step One: Get Real About Who You Are
As a guy raised in Scottsdale, I know my way around a pristine façade—thanks in part to years of upscale resorts and designed-to-impress golf greens. But the truth about dating is this: people don’t want your façade. They want the human you. And that was my first breakthrough moment. My dating profile wasn’t failing because I wasn’t good enough. It was failing because I wasn’t showing anyone who I really was.
I rewrote the “About Me” section, taking my inspiration not from buzzwords but from the Sonoran Desert itself: authentic, vibrant, and just a little rugged. Not trying to be everything to everyone, I leaned into the unique quirks that made me, well, me. Like the fact that I’d crush a trivia night about 90s country music but still absolutely cheat at Scrabble (don’t @ me). Or that I have a deep and unreasonable love for roadside diners where everything—including the coffee—is slightly too greasy.
Practical Tip: If you’re revamping your profile today, start by asking yourself, “Would I hang out with this person? Why?” Dig into the specifics and skip the clichés. Instead of “I love to travel,” write, “I’m the kind of person who’d plan a weekend trip to Sedona just to see if the vortex energy is real.” Specificity makes you memorable.
Step Two: Build a Profile Worth Swiping For
Once I injected some personality into my profile, the next step was the photos. My original gallery featured the expressiveness of a loaf of bread: one uptight “business casual” photo, one group shot where you could barely pick me out, and, of course, a gym mirror selfie I’d rather not talk about (to my past self: why did you DO this?).
This time, I embraced warmth and storytelling—think snapshots that actually gave people a glimpse of my world. A picture of me hiking Pinnacle Peak, sweat stains and all. One with my dog, Duke, eyes locked on the treat just out of frame. And yes, a grainy shot of me devouring a messy street taco with the kind of unapologetic joy usually reserved for winning the lottery.
Pro Tip: Your photo lineup should be like a movie trailer for your life. Use your pictures to tell a story—one that balances who you are, what you’re into, and the things that matter to you. Friends, dogs, hobbies? Yes. That time you chugged Fireball until 2AM? Save it for Snapchat’s archives.
Step Three: Drop the Cool-Guy Act
If there’s one moment from this experience I’ll never forget, it’s this: the first time someone messaged me about my “embarrassing soft spot” for The Bachelor.
When I added that tidbit to my profile, I hesitated. Would anyone actually care? Or worse, would they see me as less masculine for admitting I secretly lived for the drama of Monday-night roses? But what happened was the opposite: vulnerability became a magnet. It sparked conversations I never expected, like dissecting conflicting feelings about contestant eliminations over coffee dates.
Own your quirks, people. The right matches will appreciate them, and the wrong ones? Well, they’re just helping you dodge an awkward first date filled with fake laughs and polite nodding.
Pro Tip: Vulnerability isn’t just attractive—it’s necessary. Think of it like adding seasoning to baked salmon. Too much, and it’s overwhelming. Too little, and you’re just eating bland fish. Somewhere in the middle? Perfectly irresistible.
Step Four: The Power of Taking It Slow
Here’s where the story takes a turn. Once I started connecting with people, I realized something ironic: I wasn’t in a rush to leap into a relationship anymore. By crafting a profile that truly reflected me, I started filtering matches more intentionally. I didn’t need fifty likes a day. I wanted connections that felt… well, real.
And honestly? That started to feel incredible—like discovering an oasis in a scorching desert. I became someone who valued quality over quantity, who trusted that taking the time to communicate, share values, and laugh like idiots over corny jokes would lead to something more significant.
Practical Tip: Swipe smarter, not harder. Set a loose rule for yourself, like “one interesting conversation a week.” Get to know someone before you rush to meet up. The goal is a connection, not just an exchange of holiday ghosting stories.
Conclusion: The Love You Build Starts With You
Here’s the moral of the story, broken down quicker than a Google recipe prep time: Swiping right on others is easy. Swiping right on yourself? That’s the real work—and honestly, it’s the real reward.
The moment I stopped trying to “sound good” and started being proud of who I was, everything shifted. It wasn’t a trick or a dating hack. It was a choice to show up as myself, flaws, quirks, cheesy desert metaphors, and all.
So, whether you’re building that profile or already deep into the dating trenches, here’s my advice: give people something real to swipe on. And in the meantime? Give yourself permission to be human, imperfect, and wonderfully you.
Trust me—you’re worth the right swipe. Every time.
