There I was, staring at my phone, wondering if I should change my dating app bio for the seventh time that week. The bio in question? “Lover of brisket, bad puns, and public radio. Once cried at an Arcade Fire concert. Let’s trade playlists?” Clever, right? Tragically, the only person who responded seemed more interested in debating whether Radiohead was overrated (it’s not, by the way) than getting to know me.

That’s when it hit me—maybe this wasn’t just about the bio. Maybe the problem was bigger than my questionable use of music references. It was about showing up as I actually am, not who I thought someone else might want me to be. The moment I realized that was the moment everything changed.

Spoiler alert: this epiphany didn’t happen in a vacuum. It came after a truly humbling date that involved lukewarm queso, my date showing me a YouTube compilation of their favorite TikToks, and me pretending to know anything about cryptocurrency. (Yeah, I know.) But it led me to reevaluate something much more important than my bio—it forced me to reflect on how I was showing up in dating and, by extension, in life. Here’s what I learned—and how it might just change your approach, too.

The “Oops, Who Am I?” Phase

Let’s be real: building a dating profile is a little like writing a middle school yearbook superlative for yourself. We try to distill our entire soul into quirky soundbites, only for it to land somewhere between painfully generic and “trying too hard.” Online dating forces us to confront the question: Who am I, really? (And, if you’re an Austinite like me, the follow-up: Do I mention my undying devotion to breakfast tacos, or is that cliché now?)

When I first ventured onto dating apps, I was a walking Pinterest board of other people's ideal personas. I wrote bios that sounded exactly like 90% of the profiles out there (“Fluent in sarcasm, lover of adventures!”) and posted photos where I was hiding just enough of myself to appear elusive (hello, artfully blurred concert shot). All of it was carefully curated to appeal to... honestly, I had no idea who.

Looking back, my approach was like trying to sell a record without telling anyone what kind of music it had—it left me stuck in a feedback loop of shallow matches and short-lived conversations. What I really wanted was deeper, meaningful connections, but my profile was saying, “Cool with just vibing.” Turns out, before you figure out what you’re looking for, you’ve got to figure out who you are.

Put Down the Filters: Get Real(er)

The turning point came after The Date of Crypto Regret. As I sat in my car afterward, detailing every cringeworthy moment to my best friend via voice note, she said something that stuck: “Honestly, if he doesn’t get your Radiohead reference, you’re not for each other. Why bother pretending otherwise?”

Ding, ding, ding. Why was I bending over backward for strangers in my digital rectangle who didn’t even really align with my interests? Sure, I’m not about to lead with, “I read bell hooks in my free time and have Opinions about urban sprawl,” but somewhere between life-sized puzzle piece and blank slate, there’s a version of me worth showing off. So, I made a few updates that drastically reshaped how I approached dating.

Here are the shifts that worked for me—and ones I’d recommend to anyone who’s ready to flip their dating profile game on its head:

1. Skip the Buzzwords; Be Specific

“Adventurous” is a nice word, but it doesn’t tell anyone if you’re into hiking in Big Bend or just know a cool taco truck that changes locations every Friday. The more precise a detail, the more likely it’ll spark genuine interest.

When I swapped “Live music fan” for “Still recovering from that time I witnessed Fleetwood Mac live,” I went from surface-level matches to conversations steeped in actual excitement. Your quirks are connection points, not liabilities! Example swaps:

  • Instead of: “Foodie.”

  • Try: “Still thinking about that one time I paid $18 for sushi nachos and had no regrets.”

  • Instead of: “Dog lover.”

  • Try: “I’d adopt every rescue mutt in Austin if my apartment could hold more than one shoe box.”

Specificity signals authenticity—and nothing’s more attractive than that.

2. Quality Over Quantity in Photos

Look, we’re all guilty of keeping that one picture from Cancun ’16 because our hair looked too good to delete. But a dating profile isn’t your personal highlight reel; it’s a three-dimensional preview. Think of photos as a window into your life, not a stage performance.

In my revamped profile, I made two key upgrades:
- Added a candid shot of me laughing at a cheesy local mural (“You’re my butter half,” anyone?). Bonus: it showed I own a sense of humor about Austin’s quirks.
- Swapped out a generic selfie with a photo from a pizza night surrounded by friends (because it’s hard NOT to swipe right on someone holding a slice of margherita pizza).

Ask yourself: Do these photos feel true to who I am right now, or am I trying to present more “main character energy” than I can sustain on a second date?

3. Write the Bio That Makes You Smile

When I rewrote my bio, I stopped caring about what I thought other people wanted, and I started focusing on what felt distinctly me. I traded clever one-liners for something playful, personal, and slightly vulnerable:

“Equal parts museum nerd and queso connoisseur. I’ll probably beat you at Scrabble but lose at mini-golf. Looking for a playlist buddy and someone who’ll split the good bread basket on date night.”

It was light but intentional, with tiny windows into my values (arts, food, fun), and it left enough intrigue for a follow-up question. If someone doesn’t care about museums or carbs? That’s THEIR loss.

4. Let Your Intentions Shine

No, stating you’re “not here for games” doesn’t count (you’re not auditioning for a reality show confessional). But throwing in a line about what excites you long-term—something intriguing, not heavy—can signal true connection vibes.

In my case, I added a little gem at the end: “Let’s figure out if this could be fun...or at least epically awkward. Either way, good stories come out of it.”

It had the effect of weeding out the flakes and leaving me with people genuinely open to something meaningful without taking themselves too seriously.

Ready to Swipe Right on Yourself? Here’s Your Homework

If you’re ready to channel your inner Beyoncé (confident, radiant, and intensely self-aware), try this:
1. Audit Your Profile: Ask yourself if every section reflects how you’d actually describe yourself to a friend, not just what you think someone wants to see.
2. Lean Into Fun: Add a playful sentence or question like, “If you had to karaoke one Taylor Swift song, which one wins?” It’s an instant icebreaker.
3. P.S. Your Bio Is Not an Award Speech: Leave out the fluff and focus on details that spark joy.

Surprisingly, those small changes didn’t just transform my matches—they shifted how I saw myself. When you stop trying to be everyone’s type (or exhaustively list all your interests), you start attracting people who don’t just swipe because you’re “cute”—they’re digging what you have to say.

So here’s my pitch: The moment that changed everything for me wasn’t about what matches thought of me. It had everything to do with finally showing up as myself. You’re worth that, too. Go write the bio that proves it.