There’s a corner of my mind — perhaps inherited from the sea captains who came before me — that is forever obsessed with knots. Yes, you read that correctly: knots. The twisting, looping, fastening kind. For years, I’ve been fascinated by their ingenious simplicity, their unexpected elegance, and their sheer practicality. Some people collect vinyl, others can’t resist the allure of an impeccably curated cheese board. Me? I’ll spend my Saturday afternoon mastering a Carrick Bend or waxing poetic about the clove hitch.

You might wonder how this ties into dating and relationships (pun shamelessly intended). But here’s the thing: life, and especially our love lives, are full of knots. Some are messy tangles — think Christmas lights shoved in a closet — while others are the steady bowline, enduring through the pull and strain. Like a well-crafted knot, a meaningful connection requires intention, strength, and the willingness to stay tied, even when the tides turn.

Stick around, and I’ll unravel my peculiar passion while sharing lessons on love that only a knot enthusiast could bring you.

Tying the Knot, Literally

It all started on a breezy summer day along the docks in Kennebunkport. Arms sticky from melting raspberry popsicles, I watched my dad secure our boat with a rope twist so effortless it felt like magic. Later, he crouched on the weathered mahogany deck, patiently teaching eight-year-old me how to mimic that very knot — the bowline.

The bowline, famously known as the “king of knots,” forms a loop that won’t slip or tighten under tension. Sailors rely on it because it’s steadfast and reliable, the kind of knot you’d want if your life (or dinghy) depended on it. The funny thing? It taught me my first principle of relationships: security doesn’t have to be flashy. Whether you’re tying up a boat or holding onto someone’s heart, consistency beats grand gestures every time.

Isn’t it refreshing when someone shows up, simply and dependably, without any need for smoke and mirrors? In a world of ghosting and breadcrumbing, be someone’s bowline. Or better yet, find one.

Knots and the Art of Letting Go

Every sailor has faced the dreaded Gordian Knot of their own making — a snarled mess of rope so stubborn that you have no choice but to cut it loose. I once made such a knot during a regatta when I panicked about securing a spinnaker line, threading and looping in all the wrong places. Experienced deckhands tried in vain to untangle it until we collectively surrendered to the utility knife.

The lesson here is simple: not all knots are meant to be undone. Some things — like ill-fated relationships or forced connections — are simply better left behind. It doesn't matter how much time you’ve invested; if it’s holding you back, you’re allowed to set yourself free.

When my first serious relationship ended (a three-year whirlwind during college, for those keeping track), I spent months painstakingly trying to unravel the “what ifs” and “should haves.” It took even longer to realize that some things can’t be repaired with time or effort. Just like that stubborn rope on the sailboat, understanding when to let go is vital to keep moving forward.

When “Complicated” Becomes Beautiful

Among my favorite knots is the fisherman’s bend, a playfully intricate design that holds fast even in wet, unpredictable conditions (read: Maine in November). It’s comprised of separate loops from two different ropes, intertwined and tightened until they become one strong connection.

Dating, with all its absurdity and vulnerability, often feels like fumbling through the first stages of trying to tie a fisherman’s bend. Two threads, unique in their experiences, try to tentatively loop around one another while dodging waves of insecurity and miscommunication. It’s messy, sure. But when done right, the result is nothing short of beautiful: two individuals bound together in a way that honors their individuality while strengthening their connection.

The same principle applies to long-term relationships. Just like the fisherman’s knot, you’ll continue to weave in patience, compromise, and communication over time. And when life gets unpredictable — as it always does — that extra reinforcement pays off.

Knots You Should Never Ignore

Even novices know some knots are best left alone. Like the slip knot, which unravels the moment tension is applied. Or the noose, a sinister reminder of entrapment. In dating and relationships, there are red flags that echo these problematic knots. Here are just a few:

  • The Slip Knot Vibe: Have you ever dated someone who seemed perfect… until you needed them? Whether it’s flaky behavior or emotional unavailability, this knot doesn’t hold up under pressure. Know when to recognize it — and when to walk away.
  • The Noose Effect: Control and manipulation manifest in relationships where one person holds all the power. Like knots dangerous to handle, these dynamics can strangle your sense of self and leave you gasping for room. Trust me: nothing good comes from staying entangled here.
  • The Decorative Knot: Pretty to look at, but ultimately useless. Some relationships sparkle in the right lighting but lack substance. Ask yourself: does this serve function or just aesthetic?

Your Personal Love Knot

While not everyone shares my nautical obsession, I firmly believe we all have knots worth learning. Maybe yours is finding the quiet confidence to be the anchor in someone else’s storm. Or perhaps you’re the skilled sailor who knows when to cut a frayed line and chart a new course. Either way, relationships — like ropes — are messy, stubborn, and beautifully mended when approached with care.

Pull five feet of rope from a hardware store (I promise this isn’t as weird as it sounds) and spend an afternoon experimenting. Start with a square knot, then graduate to the butterfly loop. Somewhere between the loops and twists, you may realize that creating something sturdy—with intention and patience—is a joy all its own.

Who knows? You might also discover an unexpected clarity about your own love life. Or, bare minimum, you’ll know how to rescue a runaway picnic blanket at your next beach date.

Loosening Up

Whenever I visit the docks back home, I notice other boaters adjusting their lines, leaning over the edge to test the knots against the current. It’s a small but comforting ritual—a rhythm of ensuring things are securely in place before letting them drift.

I like to think of our love lives in the same way. Some knots need to be tightened, others loosened. And the journey itself? It’s not about perfection but learning as you go, fixing what doesn’t work and holding tight to what does.

Yes, I’m obsessed with knots. But in them I’ve found one of love’s clearest lessons: the strongest bonds thrive not from being perfect, but from being perfectly human. And maybe, just maybe, a little willing to get tangled along the way.