They say you can’t take it all with you, and while I’ve never tried to squeeze a saddlebag onto a Spirit Airlines flight, I feel like I know what they mean. If life stripped everything else away—social media, streaming services, artisan oat milk—there are a few things I’d cling to like a barn cat on a windy day. These essentials, quirky as they may be, have carried me through love, loss, and all the baffling moments that land in between.
And no, before you ask, Wi-Fi didn’t make the cut.
1. A Sturdy Pair of Boots
If you think a pair of boots is just footwear, you’ve clearly never trudged through calf-high mud with a broken heart. Growing up in Montana, a good pair of boots was less fashion and more survival. If my high school crush didn’t text back (or in those days, didn’t hand me a folded-up note in math class), I’d lace up my scuffed brown leather Ariats and take a long walk through the pasture behind our house.
There’s something grounding about boots—they remind you to step purposefully. Whether you’re treading through heartbreak or deciding if that late-night "You up?" text deserves a response (hint: it probably doesn’t), the right boots will keep you surefooted. Relationships, like muddy trails, are messy. Invest in boots that can handle both.
2. A Dog-Eared Notebook (and a Pen That Feels Right)
I don’t trust my thoughts until I’ve wrangled them onto paper—kind of like trying to bridle a horse that just spotted a rattlesnake. My notebook has been my therapist through crushes, crying spells, and the occasional “what am I doing with my life?” spiral. I’d recommend everyone keep one close.
Jot down your thoughts when you can’t figure out why last night’s date rubbed you the wrong way. Scribble that dream you had about your ex—it’s probably trying to tell you something, even if it’s just “don’t eat spicy wings before bed.” Flirtation and relationship woes feel less overwhelming when they’re poured into the sturdy lines of a notebook. Bonus: paper doesn’t ghost.
3. My Mom’s Lessons on Coffee Mugs
My mother has this thing with coffee mugs. If someone gives her one that says, “Live, Laugh, Love,” she’ll quietly relieve herself of it next time there’s a yard sale. To her, a coffee mug isn’t just something you grab on the fly—it’s an extension of the person holding it. Growing up, her mugs were as dependable as her advice.
When I told her about my first break-up, she handed me a mug that said, "Stay Wild, Darling," with a steaming pour of coffee and told me: “You’re stronger than the longest winter.” A good mug wraps your hands like a hug, tells your spirit to buck up, and somehow turns caffeine from a fix into a ritual. I’ve carried this tradition into adulthood. Pair your morning coffee with a mug that makes you feel untamed and worthy, especially if you're trying to untangle your emotions about that weird third date that ended with them quoting "Fight Club" unironically.
4. A Wide-Brim Hat
When I was thirteen, I thought my mom’s dusty broad-brim hat was only for ranch chores and avoiding sunburns. (Spoiler: I was wrong.) Throw on one of these bad boys, and you’re suddenly mysterious—a little chic, a little “What’s she hiding?” I used one during my single days as a secret superpower.
Picture this: I’d sit at the local coffee shop after a date that went south (like shrubbery-in-your-teeth south), bury my nose in a tattered copy of "Women Who Run with the Wolves," and use the hat to hide until inspiration found me again. Lesson learned: hats are great not just for shielding yourself from Montana’s unforgiving rays but also for cushioning the emotional sting of someone “just not being ready for a relationship right now."
5. Alison Krauss on Repeat
Alison Krauss has walked me through every stage of love. The giddy flutter of a new crush? Cue “Baby, Now That I’ve Found You.” A gut-punch break-up that leaves you questioning your taste in everyone, ever? “Ghost in This House,” on repeat. As someone who feels deeply (sometimes obnoxiously so), Krauss’s voice reminds me that sadness can carry beauty and longing can rhyme with hope.
Pick an artist who knows your story better than you do and keep them in your back pocket (or Spotify playlist). Whether you’re pining for someone, reveling in new love, or figuring out how to untangle yourself from the one who isn’t right, you’ll need a soundtrack. Trust me, hearts heal quicker with harmony.
6. A Little Blue Denim
There’s a reason we never outgrow denim. You can toss it over a paisley dress, pair it with cozy flannel, or wear it like armor when your anxiety over-complicates a dinner date. Throwing on my well-worn denim jacket feels like shrugging into my best self—perfectly imperfect, approachable, and ready for whatever the next step entails.
My jacket has been with me through sunsets over Bozeman and awkward hand brushes during first dates. It has comforted me post-breakups and celebrated with me when I finally got the guts to admit I was in love. Find your version of “denim” and stick with it—it’s not only fashion but emotionally functional.
7. The Montana Skyline
This one’s harder to pack for city dwellers or anyone not living within spitting distance of national parks, but hear me out: you don’t have to live next door to the Rockies to find a space that makes life’s dramas feel smaller. For me, it’s stepping onto the porch after sunset and looking out over Montana’s wide-open expanse. It’s the midnight drive with no one around, where the stars seem glued to your windshield.
Nature is grounding because it reminds you that your world—a bruised ego, a new crush, that weird fight over who paid for dessert—is one thread in a much bigger tapestry. The skyline doesn’t have answers, but it offers perspective. And sometimes that’s even better.
8. Pancakes at Midnight
There are few things that can’t be fixed—or at least mildly improved—with pancakes. Growing up, I learned this from my dad, who made midnight pancakes every time one of us went to bed with a heavy heart.
The unsaid rule? Fill a plate, open up, cry if you need to, and reconnect with the simple joy of maple syrup while you’re at it. These days, I keep it up after solo heartbreaks or knotted relationship dilemmas. Pro tip: nothing screams “life isn’t so bad” louder than a stack of buttermilk pancakes sprinkled with blueberries. Emotional support carbs are real, folks.
9. The Friends Who Say “No, You’re Not Crazy”
A few years ago, I called my best friend Kenzie from a bar bathroom. I was convinced I’d overreacted because the guy I was dating “forgot” my birthday. “No, you’re not crazy,” she said between sips of her rosé. “You’re just expecting the bare minimum.”
If you haven’t found your “No, you’re not crazy” friend, keep looking. These are the people who let you rage, ugly cry, or spiral overthinking that emoji someone sent without judgment. They ground you in the kind of logic that’s easy to lose in love. Grab onto them tight; they’ll walk you off many metaphorical cliffs.
10. Belief in the Next Chapter
Maybe it’s the writer in me, but I’ve always believed that the story doesn’t end in heartbreak. Growing up in a house full of horses, I learned that the hardest falls force you to brush off the dirt, adjust your saddle, and climb back on.
Believing in the next chapter doesn’t erase the ache of rejection or undo the complicated feelings of a relationship that didn’t work out. But it gives you a choice: stay stuck, or move forward. You don’t have to gallop right away, either—sometimes a steady trot is more than enough.
In the End, It’s the Little Things
What can’t I live without? The pieces that remind me who I am. A sturdy pair of boots for the long walks. A denim jacket for warmth on a cool night. Pancakes for when words fail and syrup speaks. Essentials don’t just support—they restore.
Figure out your staples—your blue denim, your mom’s mug wisdom, your favorite song, or your place under the stars—and the rest will fall into place.
