The Joy of Being Curious
By nature, I am and have always been a curious person. As a kid, I nearly gave my poor maman a heart attack by asking our grumpy neighbor, Madame Lavoie, why she wore a wig when she clearly owned a perfectly decent collection of hats. I was seven, and already I’d learned that curiosity, while it can set us on fascinating adventures, also occasionally lands us in sticky situations—or awkward silences.
But curiosity as a cardinal rule has served me well. It has kept life interesting, and in the realm of relationships, it’s been nothing short of transformative. I’ve learned that asking questions—about others, about myself, about the way we connect—not only deepens bonds but also opens doors I didn’t even know existed. Let’s break this down, shall we?
Curiosity Starts with You
We tend to think of curiosity as being external. Asking other people what they’re passionate about, learning a new skill, or trying that bizarre mushroom hot chocolate your overly zen coworker swears by. But here’s the thing: curiosity about yourself is where the magic starts.
For example, I always knew I loved words—they make up my entire life, really. My parents still tease me that my first proper sentence was something dramatic from one of my father’s interviews, like, "The truth waits for no one." Theatre kid energy from the crib. But I didn’t realize how much language, and how I use it, defined my way of seeing relationships until I spent that semester in Paris.
In Paris, I learned that flirting wasn’t just about words; it was about tone, timing, and sometimes the precise tilt of an eyebrow (thank you, garçon at Café de Flore who looked exactly like a young Alain Delon). Back in Montreal, I started paying attention to how I communicated—not just with romantic prospects, but with friends, family, and even strangers. Was I being authentic? Was I asking real questions instead of filling silences with clichés?
Practical Takeaway:
The next time you feel stuck in the dating game or even in a relationship rut, get curious about yourself. Ask:
- Am I showing up as the person I want to be?
- What lights me up these days?
(Journaling is a great way to explore this, and if you’re feeling fancy, get a fountain pen for an added touch of self-discovery drama.)
Curiosity is the Key to Connection
Confession: I once dated a guy purely because I wanted to know what, exactly, attracted him to competitive bird watching as a hobby. That relationship didn’t last—turns out I am not passionate enough about binoculars to fake an interest—but it taught me something important. When we’re curious about others with no ulterior motives, we foster a genuine sense of connection. People light up when they feel truly seen and heard.
Instead of sticking to the tired script of “So, what do you do?” on a date, try something unexpected:
- "What’s something new that’s been exciting for you lately?"
- "What’s the strangest thing you’ve Googled today?"
I asked one guy this once, and he admitted he’d fallen down a YouTube rabbit hole on medieval bread-making techniques. Did that lead to me spending a Saturday covered in flour and regretting all my life choices? Oui, absolutely. But it also gave us something to laugh about for months.
Practical Takeaway:
Try these curiosity-boosting questions the next time you’re out with someone:
- What’s a little-known skill or talent you’re secretly proud of?
- If you could instantly master one random subject, what would it be?
- What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
Curiosity and Conflict: An Unlikely Duo
Here’s the kicker about curiosity—it doesn’t just apply to first dates or flirty conversations over overpriced cocktails. It can save a relationship faster than you can yell, “Why don’t you EVER listen to me?” Because truly, the best way out of an argument isn’t to double down on your position. It’s to get curious instead of defensive.
Picture this: my former partner once got impossibly irritated with how I loaded the dishwasher. I (a thoroughly reasonable human) pointed out that I had never before been audited on this domestic task. But when I stopped fuming for two seconds and asked why it mattered so much to him, he revealed that my random chaos made him feel like his opinion wasn’t valued. So, yeah. Oops.
Curiosity shifts the dynamic. Instead of stewing on “Why don’t they appreciate me?” try asking with genuine openness: What’s happening for you right now? Sometimes the answer surprises you. Sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, you’ve cracked open something real.
Practical Takeaway:
In moments of conflict, remember these magic curious phrases:
- "That’s interesting—can you tell me more about why you feel this way?"
- "I hadn’t thought of it that way. What do you suggest we do?"
- "What do you need from me right now?"
Pro tip: Pair these questions with a calm tone and zero eye-rolls. I learned this one the hard way.
Curiosity Creates Comedy and Chemistry
Of course, there’s also the fact that curiosity is fertile ground for the absurd—which, in my experience, is where the best chemistry comes from. On one of my all-time favorite dates, I casually mentioned I had never eaten poutine at La Banquise. (Ridiculous, I know, but bear with me—I was playing it cool.) My date, horrified by this cultural faux pas, insisted he had to fix it immediately. We ended up eating poutine at three different locations across Montreal, debating sauce thickness and cheese curd squeakiness like food critics gone rogue.
Curiosity invites spontaneity. It pulls us out of scripts and into the unpolished, delightful world of real connection. And if you can laugh at yourself while you’re there? Even better.
Practical Takeaway:
The next time curiosity nudges you toward something silly—whether it’s poutine-hopping or joining a salsa class just because—lean in. Relationships thrive on moments that don’t need perfect coordination or Instagram-worthy decor. They need authenticity, laughter, and a shared willingness to look like idiots together (which, in my case, includes salsa-ing with all the grace of a flailing baguette).
Curiosity Isn’t Always Comfortable—And That’s Okay
Being curious doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly. It often doesn’t. I’ve asked questions that revealed truths I wasn’t ready for, tried long-distance relationships that tested my patience, and yes, given bird watching an honest-to-goodness shot. (Did you know a cedar waxwing has a crest like it’s auditioning for some avian version of Gossip Girl? You’re welcome.)
But even when curiosity leads me into messy or uncomfortable places, it leaves me with a lesson—or at least a funny story to tell. The important thing is this: curiosity is never wasted. It keeps us learning, connecting, and surprising ourselves.
Final Thoughts: Your Permission Slip to Explore
Here’s your takeaway: curiosity isn’t just about bookmarking random Wikipedia pages at 2 AM (though, honestly, highly recommend). It’s about showing up—in your relationships, your conversations, and your messy, marvelous life—with a willingness to explore.
So ask the “dumb” question. Pull on that thread. Say yes to the date that feels a bit outside your comfort zone. Whether it leads to love, conflict resolution, or the perfect poutine, there’s joy in simply being open to what comes next.
And if Madame Lavoie is still reading somewhere out there, my deepest apologies—I ask much better questions now. Usually.
