The Joy of Being Curious

Curiosity gets a bad rap sometimes—you’ve probably heard the old saying about it killing the cat. But here’s the secret most people don’t tell you: curiosity is the unsung hero of love, life, and, dare I say, those moments that bring the most unexpected joy. Some of the best discoveries—whether in relationships or self-growth—start with a simple question or a willingness to explore.

I mean, think about it: Where would Beyoncé be if she hadn’t dared to wonder, “What if girls really ran the world?” Or Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, penning entire worlds with one foot planted in tradition and the other exploring uncharted stories? Curiosity builds bridges and opens doors—not just for world domination or groundbreaking novels, but even for those of us looking to find connection in all the beautiful chaos of modern life.

Let’s take a walk through the magic of being curious—how it helped me stumble into unexpected connections, navigate relationships, and even grow into myself.

Curiosity Is the Ultimate Icebreaker

Growing up in Abuja, I was the kind of child who always wanted to know “why.” Why did Aunty Nkechi’s stew taste different from my mum’s? Why did my older cousins hint that love wasn’t always picture-perfect Nollywood romance? And most importantly, why was no one willing to explain it to me?

Fast forward a few years, and curiosity was still my north star. Take a random evening in Lagos when I struck up a conversation with a stranger at a wedding—over jollof rice, naturally. I had asked about the inspiration behind their outfit (a killer combo of Yoruba elegance and modern streetwear), which led us to discover that we were both obsessed with Fela Kuti’s music. That one curious question turned into a three-hour conversation on individuality, tradition, and the art of remixing culture. Sure, we didn’t become soulmates (in fact, we lost touch), but moments like that remind me of how curiosity can unfurl a world of untapped possibilities.

The lesson? Asking someone about their interests—not the boring small talk, but something specific about them—helps people feel seen. If you’re curious enough to dig deeper, you might find connection where you least expect it.

The Power of “Tell Me More”

If curiosity is the door, “Tell me more” is the key in relationships—and not just the romantic kind. It’s the phrase that kept me afloat when I was in my first serious relationship after moving to the U.K. My partner and I were from wildly different backgrounds: I was fresh from Nigeria and homesick, while he had grown up dodging his parents’ dreams of him becoming an investment banker in Leeds. Conversations could’ve been landmine territory (hello, “Do you seriously dip biscuits in tea?!”), but instead, I leaned on curiosity.

Whenever we disagreed—like the time I couldn’t understand why he was so stressed about a family dinner—I asked “Tell me more.” That simple invitation turned complaints into explanations, misunderstandings into insights. His stress? Rooted in years of feeling like the “underachieving” middle sibling. My homesickness? Not just about Nigeria, but missing the ease of carefree Friday nights eating suya and laughing with loud, loving siblings.

Here’s some real talk: Curiosity isn’t just about the “What’s your favorite movie?” stuff. It’s about going deeper, asking questions like:
- “Tell me why this means so much to you?”
- “What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the chance to?”
- “What does your perfect Sunday look like?”

You’ll be amazed how much intimacy can deepen when you’re genuinely invested in understanding what makes someone tick. And hey, it works for friendships, too.

Curiosity Can Save You From The Rut

The thing about long-term relationships—whether with someone else or yourself—is that they can lull you into a routine. Comfort becomes predictability, and predictability can, let’s face it, be boring. And that’s where curiosity swoops in like a plot twist in a telenovela.

I had this wake-up call last year during a girls’ trip to Ghana. Most of us on that trip had been deeply entrenched in relationships (some married, some not), and we couldn’t stop swapping stories—first about our partners, and then about ourselves. One friend mentioned how she had taken up salsa lessons on a whim, while another said she’d started reading French poetry (of all things!). It dawned on me that I had stopped asking myself curious questions—when was the last time I tried something just for the sake of it?

So there I was, on a warm Ghanaian evening, signing up for a class in pottery (blame "Ghost"—yes, that pottery scene got me). I was terrible at it, but I found joy in the process instead of the result. And here’s the kicker: trying something new didn’t just spark personal growth; it inspired me to bring that curiosity back into my relationship. My partner and I began taking cooking classes together and even experimented with a few "fusion" suya-based recipes. (Some were awful. Some were genius. No regrets.)

Sometimes, curiosity looks like this:
- Doing something completely random—skydiving, skateboarding, sewing—because you might love it.
- Switching up routines—date nights at the museum instead of the usual restaurant, or binge-watching a foreign movie instead of sticking to Netflix rom-coms.
- Asking yourself: “When was the last time I genuinely felt excited about something?”

Curiosity Is the Shortcut to Self-Discovery

Not every “curious adventure” leads to a great relationship or an unforgettable experience, but they all have one big reward: They teach you about you. Whether it’s figuring out that you hate camping (but adore stargazing) or that you love people who can make you laugh until your ribs hurt, curiosity peels back your layers.

I once dated someone—let’s call him Tunde—who seemed perfect on paper. Smart, ambitious, kind. But being with him for a year taught me that I craved spontaneity and passion, while he thrived on routine and quiet. And you know what? That’s okay. It was curiosity that helped me recognize those differences not as flaws, but as road signs about the type of person I was and the kind of partner I wanted to grow alongside.

So, here’s a question for you: When was the last time you got curious about yourself? Not in an Instagram-quiz kind of way, but genuinely taking stock of who you’re becoming. Ask yourself:
- “What energizes me, and what drains me?”
- “Am I showing up as myself in my relationships, or just playing a role?”
- "What do I want to explore next?”

Conclusion: Keep Asking, Keep Growing

At the heart of it, curiosity is like suya spice—it brings out the flavor in everything. It’s the nudge that keeps you exploring, experimenting, and connecting. Maybe it takes you to a pottery class in Accra, or a book club of strangers who challenge your worldview, or a deep conversation over jollof that lingers in your memory long after.

Curiosity doesn’t just enhance your relationships with others—it deepens your connection with yourself. So go on, ask one more question, try one more new thing, or say “Tell me more” just once today. You never know, the next great love—or lesson—might be closer than you think.