The Joy of Being Curious

Have you ever found yourself standing at one of life’s crossroads, arms crossed, squinting into the unknown? Maybe you’ve paused right on the edge of something—someone, even—wondering if it’s worth the leap. Curiosity, my friend, is the tug on your sleeve telling you to go ahead and take that step. It’s the thing that whispers, “Why not?” instead of “What if?” And if there’s anything my winding, sometimes messy, cross-cultural life has taught me, it’s that curiosity can transform everything—from how we meet people to how we connect with them.

In matters of love, curiosity is the invisible thread pulling us toward stories bigger than our own. So let’s dive into how embracing uncertainty, and sparking a little curiosity, can lead us to the unexpected—and why that’s a gift worth unwrapping (time and time again).

Curiosity: The Most Romantic Impulse

Asking someone a question can feel like a bigger leap than swiping right or saying, “Yes, I’m free Saturday.” Questions open doors, and there’s no telling where the path might take you.

Take it from someone who once asked a fellow train passenger in Madrid which café he thought served the best café con leche in town. (Important research, clearly.) What started as a simple question about coffee transformed into a delightful two-hour detour—filled with cortados, laughter, and some unexpected wisdom. We didn’t exchange numbers or last names, but the moment stuck with me. It taught me that it’s not always about the outcome—it’s about the spark we feel when we listen, learn, and lean in.

Curiosity in relationships works the same way. It’s the difference between small talk about the weather or someone’s weekend plans and asking, “What’s the best thing you’ve ever learned about yourself while traveling?” or “What made you fall in love with what you do?” Questions like that peel back a layer and bring color to an otherwise grayscale interaction. Ask something unexpected, and you might unlock a conversation—or a connection—that surprises you.

Curiosity Loves the Unexpected

Curiosity is a compass that doesn’t always point north. Before you roll your eyes at my metaphorical wanderlust, hear me out: some of the most important connections I’ve made in my life weren’t the predictable ones.

During my first few months in Madrid, I found myself chatting with an elderly woman selling flowers on a side street. I’d been walking aimlessly, homesick for Chile, when her bouquet of freshly picked orange blossoms caught my attention, a small burst of life amid the city’s November grayness. Her story unraveled as I asked about the flowers—where she grew them, why she chose to sell them there—and soon enough, she was telling me about her late husband and their travels to Santiago decades ago. That small exchange reminded me that people, like flowers, grow roots in surprising places.

In dating, too, unexpected conversations—or connections—plant the seeds of growth. Sure, someone’s profile might say they’re into camping, but what happens when you ask them whether they’d rather fight one horse-sized duck or fifty duck-sized horses? Or when you take a chance on someone who doesn’t seem like “your type,” only to discover you share the same obsession with obscure 90s sci-fi? Lean into the unexpected—that’s often where the magic happens.

3 Ways Curiosity Can Deepen Connection Right Now

So how can you tap into that curiosity in your own life? Whether you’re meeting someone new, working through relationship hurdles, or simply seeking self-awareness, here are three simple ways curiosity can create deeper, more meaningful connections:

1. Ask the Questions That Matter

Skip over the usual topics (“How was your day?”) and dive into something that sparks curiosity. Some thought starters:

  • What’s a moment, big or small, that completely changed the way you see the world?
  • What’s a little-known talent or skill you’ve always wanted to master?
  • If your life were a playlist, what song would capture the happiest chapter?

These questions don’t just make things interesting—they invite honesty, depth, and insight you won’t get from “What’s your favorite Netflix show?” (Though, full disclosure, I do love a good debate about whether Friends or The Office reigns supreme.)

2. Be Curious About Yourself

All relationships (whether budding or long-term) require you to show up as your whole self. So start with curiosity about who you are—your quirks, desires, fears, and what lights you up. Try journaling about what you notice when you’re at your happiest or reflecting on which conversations leave you feeling most seen.

When you approach dating or relationships from a place of self-awareness, it’s like renovating a home with stronger foundations. You’ll have clarity about what you want and the openness to explore what someone else might bring to the table.

3. Don’t Fear “No”

This one’s a gentle nudge for my fellow over-thinkers—yes, I see you. Rejection is a natural part of curiosity. Not every question leads to the answer we want. That person you asked to dance might decline; the person you texted might stop replying. But the act of asking—that’s where the joy is. Every detour teaches us something new, whether it’s about how to approach others or the kind of connection we crave.

Remember, the goal is not perfection; it’s exploration. No one ever mastered curiosity by playing it safe.

The Joy of Following the “What Ifs”

Curiosity is not just a way of being—it’s a habit, one that infuses your life with stories and discoveries you’ll carry forever. I think fondly of the man on the train with his café con leche wisdom and the flower seller’s vivid nostalgia for Santiago. In dating and relationships, too, curiosity often leads us down paths we weren’t intending to take. And yet, those paths have a habit of leading us exactly where we need to go—toward connection, understanding, and joy.

So today, I challenge you to take one small action. Ask someone a question you’ve never asked before. Take a risk on a conversation, a smile, or even just a “What if?” You never know what bloom might come from the seed you plant with the smallest gestures of curiosity.

You just might surprise yourself.