Curiosity: The Secret Ingredient to Unexpected Connections

I was 23 the first time curiosity got me into trouble. A new Italian bakery had opened just down the street from my apartment in Toronto, and despite not really being a “croissant guy," I wandered inside. Twenty minutes later, I was locked in an animated debate with the barista (a self-proclaimed cannoli evangelist) about whether espresso really tastes better in tiny cups or if that’s just an optical illusion. By the time I left, clutching my bag of warm pastries, she’d slipped me her number.

What started as a debate over espresso spiraled into months of coffee dates, baking failed tiramisu recipes, and Sunday morning market strolls. We didn’t end up working out (it turns out you can argue too much about panna cotta), but that chapter taught me an important lesson—curiosity is a catalyst. Not just for love, but for everything that makes relationships exciting, meaningful, and memorable.

Whether it’s flirting with the stranger at your local bookstore or posing an out-of-the-box question on a first date, curiosity is how we crack open the shells of other people’s lives to see what’s inside. And spoiler alert: sometimes it’s cannoli.

Why Curiosity Is the Ultimate Relationship Superpower

Think about it. Every great relationship—from casual friendships to lifelong partnerships—begins with a simple question, whether literal (“Where are you from?”) or implied (“What’s your deal?”). Curiosity isn’t just about small talk or breaking the ice; it’s the energy that keeps everything flowing, from the first shared laugh to thirty years down the road when you’re still learning new things about the person sleeping next to you.

Science backs this up, too. Research has shown that curious people build trust faster and tend to have deeper conversations. This tracks when you think about it—people love to feel seen, and asking thoughtful, genuine questions is the easiest way to unlock that “I like you because you get me” feeling. It’s like verbal magic.

But curiosity isn’t just for understanding others; it’s also about self-discovery. It’s as much about asking yourself why you’re drawn to emotionally unavailable graphic designers (guilty) as it is about asking someone else why they think pineapple belongs on pizza (still no). It’s in these gaps of unknowing—where you’re filling in the blanks—that growth happens.

Curiosity IRL: The Unlikely Magic of Asking “What If?”

If you’re thinking, Okay, sure, curiosity is great in theory, but how does that actually help me today?, let me take you back to a moment in my early twenties when I was far too certain I had everything figured out.

I was coming out of a breakup. The kind that leaves you rolling your eyes when someone tries to comfort you by saying, “You’ll laugh about this one day.” Spoiler alert: I didn’t. Not for a year, anyway. But I was curious enough to attempt something unusual—say yes to something completely outside my comfort zone.

While wallowing at my favorite bar, an acquaintance invited me to a spoken-word poetry night (a hard pass for my introverted tendencies). But for some reason—maybe it was the tequila—I said yes. That night, as I watched strangers pour their hearts into rhyming couplets onstage, I felt something shift. One poem stuck out—a funny, vulnerable piece about heartbreak that made me laugh-cry in the most embarrassing way possible. And no, it wasn’t directly responsible for healing my breakup, but it cracked open a new door. That one night led to a poetry class, which led to new friends and, ultimately, a new chapter.

Curiosity is a chain reaction. Sometimes the spark is a random event, like an invite to poetry night. Other times, it’s a deliberate decision to stop skimming the surface of interactions and dig a little deeper.

Where Curiosity Thrives: Tips for Sparking the Unexpected

Here’s the exciting thing about curiosity—it’s a skill, and anyone can cultivate it. You don’t have to be a naturally extroverted, “talking to strangers on the subway” kind of person to benefit from it. With a little practice, you can use curiosity to melt the awkwardness of small talk, strengthen your bonds, and maybe (just maybe) land that second date. Try these:

  1. Ask Better Questions
    Ditch the dead-end “So, what do you do?” Unless you want to sound like a LinkedIn recruiter, lead with something playful or thought-provoking instead. Try, “What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you this week?” or “If you could live in any fictional world, which one would you pick and why?” The goal? Questions that make people pause, think, and share a bit about who they really are.

  2. Turn the Mundane into Magical
    Next time you’re out for dinner with your partner, take turns guessing the backstory of the people at the next table. (Why does the guy in the corner keep checking his watch? How long have the couple at the bar been together?) These little games create a shared world between you, and who knows—you may find yourselves doubled over with laughter in the middle of appetizers.

  3. Be Bold With Your “What Ifs”
    What if you joined a salsa class even though you have two left feet? What if you started that hobby your friends never quite “got”? What if you actually acted on the idea that’s been quietly nagging you? Following your curiosity creates new shared experiences, which means more stories to tell on future dates—or maybe just to your cat. Both outcomes are solid.

  4. Resist Google
    This is controversial for someone like me—a proud Googler of “mildly poisonous plant” at 1 a.m.—but hear me out. One of the simplest ways to make a conversation richer is to not look up every answer immediately. Can’t remember who won Best Picture in 2008? Guess together, make up wild theories, and laugh when you’re hilariously off base. Shared curiosity is about the process—not the correct answer. (But for the record, it was Slumdog Millionaire.)

When Curiosity Backfires (and Why That’s Okay)

Here’s the thing: curiosity doesn’t always end in triumph or newfound wisdom. Sometimes it backfires hilariously. Like the time I tried to impress my then-girlfriend by leading us on a “spontaneous scenic hike” in Vancouver, only to get us hopelessly lost (cue two hours of blaming Google's “bad maps” and apologizing profusely as we trudged back to the car).

But even those moments—especially those moments—can become stories that connect you. They remind you that exploring the unknown, even if it’s a wrong turn, is part of being human. Who wants a perfect date all the time anyway? (Spoiler alert: they’re boring.)

Final Thoughts: Curiosity Is the Gift That Keeps on Giving

If you take one thing away from this, make it this: no matter where you are in your relationship journey—on your first date or celebrating your 10-year anniversary—curiosity is your ticket to something richer, messier, and infinitely more rewarding.

Stay open, stay playful, and don’t be afraid to explore the question marks. Whether your curiosity leads to love, lifelong friendships, or just a great story about cannoli, you won’t regret saying “yes” to the adventure.